The Hole

I’m falling down the hole
Not to some mystical fucking fairyland
Not some trippy magical adventure
The hole is dark
The hole is lonely
Devoid of life
It’s cold down here
The kind of damp sickening cold
This is where I belong
Isolated so I can’t hurt anyone
My heart slowly dies
Like the last glowing coal
Of a once raging inferno
I forget once in a while
Life almost feels real
I feel like I’m normal
I matter
Then the reality sets in
I don’t belong here
Not just “here” but even on earth
They always tell people on the edge it gets better
It never does
Sure for a while people come in and accommodate you
Coddle you
Pretend to care
But after a few years they think everything must be fine
You must have gotten better
Therefore nothing changes
The world keeps decaying
People come and go
Live and die
We ALL die someday
It is the inevitable truth that we all must come to bear
Maybe that’s the one thing that ties me to this world
Knowing that I will die someday
Whether it be of my own accord
Or in a manner unforeseen
I see people with so much yet so ungrateful for what they have
I’m not talking about material possession believe me I have much more than I deserve
I wish the people in my life never made the effort to give me what I have
Again I waste their time, but I digress
Others have something I likely never will
They have at the very least a base connection with another person
My connections are topical at best, fleeting and insignificant
They have felt love, given and received
Had someone to be with
To care for
And to be cared for
Truly and not just by someone socially obligated to
I’m in this dark place now and I can’t climb out
I need help
I need someone
The right one
But she never comes
And never will come
Not for me
I’m meant to be alone down here
I’ll stop wasting your time
I’ll be gone soon
Just a few things to wrap up
Tie off some loose ends
Then I’ll get out of your way
My life is an inconvenience
That needs to stop
Very soon…