I’m tired of living. I’d end my life but for some reason, I’m afraid I’ll survive. I have no access to a gun, can’t find a suitable place to hang myself… Everyday I watch the train approaching the platform but I can’t jump. Tried to jump off a bridge but my body won’t follow… I have a couple of helium tanks (sold as a party balloon pack), but I’m scared I will wake up. It takes a special ‘mood’ to muster the strength of ending your own life. While I think I could use the exit bag method, I don’t know if I could stand the distress of ‘waking up’ 3 hours later… and still be alive. I don’t know how I’m going to end it. But something is gonna have to happen. For me, life is just not worth it… I am a mistake. I should already be dead. I was killed a few times in the past but my body won’t quit. I feel like a ghost that is haunted. It will NOT get better.
Here’s to an other day where I’m alive…
4 comments
Oh God, do I understand. I’ve been there. And killing yourself is not easy. We are, after all in the animal kingdom and the primary instinct of all animals is to survive. It’s a battle within caused by unbearable pain. I have felt the same way, like someone made me wrong at the factory. But, you know, perhaps the factory is wrong, not you. One thing that helps me sometimes is to think of myself as a person from another planet. I’m here on earth to study Earthlings. I hope that doesn’t sound too stupid. BTW, I’m now 67. I survived and have had some wonderful times in my life; yet the thought of suicide still lingers upon occasion. It’s a battle. One way or the other, I hope you win.
Sending love–not the mushy or religious kind–but the kind that comes from a loving heart.
im in like the same position as you, but without the helium tanks
ditto..tried sleeping pills..but failed..don’t know any other method
Me to. In the same position I;ve been depressed for years. I want to die. I’m considering the helium or nitrogein method but not sure where to get the equpment on line or anywhere in London. I’ve tried more painful methods with little success so far but I am determined to carry this through one way or another- it will definatley happen, one day. Depression is a killer and most people do not want to undestand it. (all I get is ‘get over it’ or pull your selve together) Jumping in front of a train or even vehicle accidents for me is a big no no , for the moment. cThe pain would seem excrutiating and I am too much of a coward. and do not want to inconvenience anybody. I would prefer a more peaceful way out hence the helium, nitgogen or carbon monoxide. Choices, choices… but if things drag on I would take any method . I can not be spoken out of my intentions (you dont know my life and dont talk to me about my loved ones)