Tired…

September 8th, 2011by antonk

I’m tired of living. I’d end my life but for some reason, I’m afraid I’ll survive. I have no access to a gun, can’t find a suitable place to hang myself… Everyday I watch the train approaching the platform but I can’t jump. Tried to jump off a bridge but my body won’t follow… I have a couple of helium tanks (sold as a party balloon pack), but I’m scared I will wake up. It takes a special ‘mood’ to muster the strength of ending your own life. While I think I could use the exit bag method, I don’t know if I could stand the distress of ‘waking up’ 3 hours later… and still be alive. I don’t know how I’m going to end it. But something is gonna have to happen. For me, life is just not worth it… I am a mistake. I should already be dead. I was killed a few times in the past but my body won’t quit. I feel like a ghost that is haunted. It will NOT get better.

Here’s to an other day where I’m alive…

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