I am so lost and every day is a struggle. I have been suffering from deppression all my life and I am now 28 and a married mother.
what has kept me going is the thought of how my family would fare without me but it’s starting not to work. Recently someone has started stalking my husband and I, whomever it is is convinced I’m ruining my husbands life and I feel like this may finally be the last straw. The only people who love me are my husband and kids so I’m trying to hold on especially for my husband because he lost his dad to cancer 2 months ago on my daughters birthday. Its so hard though. We are fighting because everytime we get a letter from the stalker he questions my actions like I have been really doing the things she says I am. He apologizes after but I feel she’s getting what she wants, she watches me and my house and follows him on his work detail and leaves notes on our front porch and every morning I cringe to see what if anything will be on my porch. He tells me to be strong and what she says doesnt matter cause its not true but it doesnt matter what she says its the fact that she hates me so much, I dont know who she is and she knows enough about me to cyber stalk me and come to my home. Add to that my mother is such a selfish and bitter person and she has to be mean for no reason, I snapped and called her on it and now I am just a horrible person and thanks to me she feels like shit and wants nothing to do with me. How can there be a light at the end of the tunnel when my worlds collapsing? I’m so stupid, I dont know why I thought anyone would care.
11 comments
You love your husband and your daughter and they love you back right?
yes but i cant stop thinking it would improve their lives if they didnt have to deal with all my problems
Losing a mother and beloved wife is not going to improve anyone’s life. It’s in no way your responsibility if a stalker decided to try and ruin your lives. I’m deeply sorry you have to go through such a horrible thing but as hard as it is as long as you’re together and truly love one another your world should not “crumble”. If you only love someone through the happy times then it’s not really love.
As for your mom she sounds like she deserved to be chewed off. Only you can know for sure and I’m sure she does love you in some level but that doesn’t give her the right to treat you whatever way she damn likes and you don’t have to take it.
If it were only these things I think I could make it but theres so much more. I cannot afford medical and do not qualify for state help. so every couple of months i go into this dark place and i try to ask for help and there arent any medicl proffesionals who are willing to treat me for free. my own doctor cut me off antidepressants when he realized I couldnt afford to pay. when I say they would be better off I think in terms of my depressive black moods and how awfully they affect everyone around me. when i try to talk to family or friends its like no one hears me and the common response is to change the subject or to ask me what do i want from them. so i stopped talking and hold it inside. as for my mother her view is unless i take what she dishes out w/o complaining than she just wont talk to me. im so very tired and sad all the time
Well, fuck your mother then. What about your husband? Are you unable to talk to him too?
lol thanks for the mom comment. No matter how much I explain its a chemical inbalance in my brain, my husband thinks he should be able to fix it and when he cant it upsets him so. he doesnt know how to deal and i feel like im putting him in a worse place when i try to explain that i dont know why and anything could trigger it
@noonenowhere: Sometimes talking to people who are near you isn’t the solution. They know you too well and love you and their responses to your hurt is fueled by their own emotions. They don’t know how to handle what they are feeling and are not equipped to be the support you need them to be.
I know I hate people too much to handle face to face support groups, but they are out there and talking to strangers could help alleviate your close ones from the emotional stress. They might even know where you could seek medical help you can afford or that is free.
Thank you but it seems there are a lack of depression support groups where i live…go figure lol
I still don’t see how it would make things better for your daughter and husband if you were to die. If your husband is already distressed knowing he can’t help you how would he feel if you leave him knowing he wasn’t able to even help you live. You do seem like a genuinely loving person and a boon to those close to you in spite of your depression bouts.
thank you
What for? Just keep your head up high and go hug your daughter or something 😉