im not sure why im even bothering to write this  here. maybe its because i have no one else i can talk to. well let me lay the story out for anyone if anyone reads this, im currently 21, within the past few years, my dad committed suicide, my grandma and brother both lost their fights with cancer, i got married and he now left me, but throughout the course of the marriage i lost my friends, because i was so caught up with my husband. i had a miscarriage, and my two dogs that i loved as much as my family, were taken from me. i have no one, my mother and sister(the only family i have) fight with me. i know they love me and want the best for me, but i just feel that the best thing would be to disappear, i just want to evaporate..i have tried very hard for too long and i feel i have nothing left, its a struggle to breathe every day.. i was told that i was strong, but that is just the image i try to convey, i want people to think, im just a happy, peppy, strong little 21year old. that i can get through anything, but all of those are lies..when my father died, i was very upset but i was also jealous that he had the balls to do it, if i wasnt such a little *****, i would have slit my wrists already..but i dont want to inconvenience my mom n sister…thats why i just wish i could fade away into dust and just be blown away with the passing wind..i have nothing and no one, and i dont want to continue anymore.
6 comments
I’m sorry about your losses.
Being alone… If I recall correctly, it’s one of the factors that Emile Durkheim found had a strong correlation with suicide.
I think, probably, if most of us just had one good friend, we wouldn’t be here. I’m not sure what to make of that; what kind of race are we that there are now 7 billion humans and anyone is lonely?
I’m in the same boat right now, so I know how little sense it makes to blame the alone person. It’s very easy to wake up one day, and find that you have no one.
I read stories to feel like I have some company, but… it doesn’t help repair my life.
i know how you feel, and we find that altough we share things in common, sometimes it can make you feel lonelier.. there are many things we could say if we had it i wouldnt be this way, it would be all too easy for me to blame the circumstances that i have been through for why i feel this way, but the truth is,i have felt this way long before i suffered any real tragedy. my mom will talk to me about how i was such a happy and joyous child with a smile that could brighten a room, i wonder where did she go? was i too happy as a child, did my happiness run out? or is it just my time to go, we all have a reason to be here and i understand that but we all also have a time to die. is my time clock, getting closer and closer to the final time? is this my time to go? it sure feels that way.
this pain is much too real, i cant breathe.. i want to die,
Don’t think of commiting suicide. It’s nonsense. You’re still young, lots of things will happen in your life. Maybe you will find someone who truly loves you and that you will truly loves.
There are many great things you can do in your life. Don’t limit yourself to a little world. Travel, begin a new life and get a new goal. The world is big.
i know what you mean sjs im the same way,used to be so happy and full of love now its just emptyness like nothings there at all, i wish i could say it gets better but honestly i dont know
i wish i could say ive gotten better. but that would be a lie. im still alive but im not really living. i try to be happy, and find happyness is everyday life, but its hard. there are brief moments where i can smile easily but then they pass. i try to not think of suicide but it feels like its always there. maybe im depressed and it is just the depression lingering over me, but i cant help but to feel that i am completely alone.