I’m tired. I’m 29 yrs old and I feel like I’m 90. So much effort…but for what? I “seem” to have everything, but I feel like I have nothing. I don’t understand why it was so important to my parents that I become “something.” Well, I am “something” now, but nobody is impressed. I spent most of my life busting my ass – to make “something” of myself. People are more impressed by those who have families and are stay at home mothers – not a “career girl.” My last boyfriend of 2 years canned me because I made twice his salary. Guys don’t want a female that takes home a bigger paycheck than they do. I have been told that I am extremely beautiful – well – that is a double edged sword. I really don’t have friends because of this. If I have a male friend, it is because he wants to sleep with me….if it is a female – it will go well until she gets a boyfriend. EVEN if my friends husbands/boyfriends wanted me – AS A GOOD FRIEND I wouldn’t touch that with a 12 foot pole.
This post isn’t to “toot my own horn” – This post is to explain to people that just because someone is successful or beautiful doesn’t mean they are happy. People “like me” can be just as miserable and lonely as anyone else….yet they get less compassion because everything “looks” perfect from the outside.
Now I feel like I’m too old to find someone to marry and have a family with. Not to mention finding someone at this age is impossible – it REALLY is. If I don’t have a tight family I grew up in or any kind of “real” friends – why bother? I always hoped having a husband and kids would fill the void I feel. Now that I think that is gone….what is the point of life now? To live miserable and alone until I die? I’m exhausted. I don’t think I can even wait it out any longer.
I wish I would have lived life the way I wanted, not the way my parents wanted. Money can’t buy $#@$#@ – I believe friends and family are the most important things in life…and if you don’t have that…well….
15 comments
Friends are overrated. Family isn’t but friends aren’t. Don’t poo poo your own success money may not buy happiness but neither does poverty trust me… 29 isn’t too old to marry its probably the best age to start looking. Too many people get married to young get divorced 10 years later and you have a broken family. Finding people that you connect with is just hard regardless of your situation.
i’m sorry you r so depresed…but there r ghuys out there that would be honored to be with u …not all of us r so conserned about a women makijng somthing of herself…in fact many of us would feel lucky to have a women such as yourself…i know if u try u will find the perfect guy…someone deserving of your attention
Where to start, I usually agree with kno1. I mostly do not even need to comment because s/he said what I was thinking 1st. This time I would have say something in the contrast. A true friend is priceless, and just as its meaning. A true friend is also very rare. This is hard to say but maybe you should get over what your parents think or feel about you. They will start respecting your choices as an adult once you do. I mean I could be wrong, but I doubt it. And nothing I mean nothing is wrong with a career woman. I wish I could find a beautiful woman who makes 2x as much as me. Ha, sorry just stay working on your life, stay focused and I am sure everything will fall into place. And 29 is not too old for marriage. And another humble opinion. I think you should look for love not marriage. I could say so much more but this is only advice from a person who does not know you or your situation. I wish you the best truly.
My parents are the only people I have, so I am terrified of letting them down. My father was physically abusive and my mother was mentally abusive. Thiey are the only thing I have in life. I’ll take it over having nobody at all, though.
I only mention marriage, because I refuse to have kids without a partner. Life if hard enough, but I think having both parents around is important. I know some kids would be better off if their parents divorced – but that is another can of worms.
I’m just tired. I’m tired of trying so hard to make friends, trying so hard to please my family….I’m exhausted. I’m tired of being let down. stepped on and just completely abused by everyone around me. I would do just about anything for anyone.
I am absolutely miserable….and when things start to look up….that is when I know I’m headed for a huge crash. Part of me likes being miserable…it’s comfortable. When you are up there…the only way to go is down…if you are already down…well…
Your story reminds me of a poem. Nothing to make you feel better. Just something to relate to if you haven’t already read it..
Richard Cory – by Edward Arlington Robinson
Whenever Richard Cory walked downtown
We people on the pavement looked at him:
He was a gentleman from soul to crown,
Clean favored and imperially slim.
And he was always quietly arrayed,
And he was always human when he talked
; But still, he fluttered pulses when he said,
“Good morning,” and he glittered when he walked.
And he was rich — yes, richer than a king —
And admirably schooled in every grace:
In fine, we thought he was everything
To make us wish we were in his place.
So on we worked, and waited for the light,
And went without the meat, and cursed the bread;
And Richard Cory, one calm summer night,
Went home and put a bullet through his head.
Ok I understand a bit more. My father was abusive as well. And being a guy it caused a lot of issues. And with my mom…. well off of me. I understand where you may be coming from. About kids, are you ready for that step? In my opinion I think it should go love, marriage, kids. I skipped over a few minor steps but yeah. So I am in agreement with you there. Although you are not too old for any of this. You can live a wonderful life. I am 27 and trust me I want all of the same things.
Life is tiring, yes. People will let you down, definitely. Very few people will pick you up. I say this to people kind of often, but if you need an ear, shoulder, email, or just respond to my comment. I can listen well. Sometimes you just need to express yourself without judgement. You can do that here.
Stop trying to please family. You can love your parents to death with out living based upon their only word. You shouldn’t judge yourself buy societal rules. Making friends is nearly impossible as an adult. You shouldn’t judge your life quality by your friends as like blackmist said they are so rare. I hate to give you cliche suggestions but join clubs and look up causes and groups that interest you. You seem like an awesome person and it would be tragic for this world to lose someone like you.
I thank you all for your responses. You are very special people. I thank you for not responding that I am arrogant or how I should be thankful for what I have. I am thankful – but most don’t understand that success doesn’t equal happiness. I have tired joining clubs so I’d meet people with the same interests. I LOVE volunteering at the no-kill animal shelter and I participate in many relays for good causes (American Cancer Society, Kidney Disease etc.)
I just don’t know what there is left to do. If I “complain” or “whine” about something – I have already tried steps to fix it. I hate when people complain about something, yet they do nothing about it. People hate their job, yet don’t bother applying to other jobs or furthering their education….Well OF COURSE you are going to stay miserable if you do nothing about it.
That is just it. I’ve tried….again and again to change my current situation. I have fixed everything I can “control.” Job, quality of life, education….but I can’t control “people” obviously….I can’t make people like me – I can’t force friendships or someone to love me.
How do I fix something I can’t really control?
I do not really believe in signs. I would love to but I don’t. A lot happened on the day I planned on killing myself. Long story short a friend and his wife had to spend the night because his plane was delayed and so on. So we ordered Chinese food and my cookie read, “Accept the things you cannot control, and you will be happier.” I still have that fortune. Control what you can. Chalk the rest up to God, Yahweh, Buddha, fate, Anasazi, Loki, whatever. But deal… or not. But you seem as if you are strong enough to do so.
Stop trying. You can’t make people do shit. People are overrated I’m telling you… that said if you ever need someone to email or have a MSN messenger kno11987@hotmail.com(that goes for every one here honestly..)
It’s hard to answer that. You seem to feel the answer is in finding someone else to give you that meaning, which believe me can be impossible. I’ve had the same girl infatuated with me for years, but I brush her aside most of the time because her presence doesn’t change that dead feeling in my gut. My point is don’t fall into co-dependency. If you find purpose it will be by your own merit.
That is my biggest fear. I only look to a husband/family because it seems to be the only thing I don’t have that might give me the happiness or the motivation to go on that I am so desperately looking for. If this isn’t what is going to “fix” me….then I don’t know what will. Maybe nothing….
I hope you find that motivation one day. Everyone deserves a sense of peace.
kingjericho300@gmail.com My emails come straight to my phone so I am usually available. Control what you can.
@Iamamistake- Damn I want to take you out on a date lol 😛