Never again will I be happy
Never again will I have a friend
Never again will I go through the day without crying
Never again will you care about me
Never again will I heal from this pain
Never again will I heal fron this lonliness
Never again will I live, for I will end this life very soon.
Just another random poem by me. As for my suicide date, mabye on Christmas. What better Christmas gift for the world than the death of someone who everybody hates?
-End
45 comments
Well that would just ruin my Christmas.
Why?
Because it would sadden me if you killed yourself.
Yeah right. You don’t even know me. My death would sadden nobody. I have ZER0 friends and my parents, well it would be one less mouth to feed. They would save money instead of buying things for me
If your parents buy you xmas gifts and food, chances are they care about you. But, if you insist that your death would sadden nobody, well that’s your perogative to believe whatever you want to believe. But ‘not here’ was just trying to be nice, so don’t throw it back in their face.
@ one_day Um, that doesn’t mean they care about me. They probably just feel like they need to do that because their my parents. And as for not here, I wasn’t throwing anything back in their face. If I did, it was unintentional and I’m sorry. And, I’m pretty sure my death will sadden nobody. If anything, people would celebrate it
Listen I would be personally sad if you killed your self. As suicidal as I am I’m personally saddened by ever attempt I hear about especially the “successful” ones. Most people don’t personally know people when a disaster happens but are still sad at the loss of life. Also your family cares for you. When I was younger I thought the same way. Then I had an attempt and saw how my family felt. The only reason I’m alive is because I don’t want to hurt them.
How can you feel sad for soneone you never knew? Anways, my reason for staying alive was that I didn’t want to leave my best friend here, but she lied to me and I’m pretty sure she hates me. So I guess that means I can kill myself now without having to worry about her
@live: honestly. Do you know how friggin hard it is to raise kids??? If they are going to all that effort to take care of you, it’s because they care. If they didn’t, it would be way easy to abandon you in a foster home. But it seems like you are hell bent on believing the worst in everyone, which really might be part of the problem, so I can’t convince you of something you don’t want to believe. And for the record, I feel sad for loads of people I don’t know. Its called human compassion, and most people have it to varying degrees. Why I else would so many people donate money to charity to help people they’d never meet? Everyone is bonded by a basic desire to connect with another human beings, we are all stuck here together so we should all care for each other. Stop believing the worst in people, most people are good.
@ one_day no, I don’t know how hard it is to raise kids and I never will know. And I assume the worst of everyone because that.l’s usually what I get from everyone
Because the loss of life strikes an emotional chord with me as it does with most people. You killing your self would be saddening to all who find out on some level. If I remember correctly your friend said they were busy but you saw them on FB. If that was the issue and you believe constitutes hate then you need counseling(I mean no offense as I along with most of this website do as well). You can’t realistically take every perceived slight as hate. its normal for those with depression to do so I do it sometimes too but it makes things harder than they need be. Your friend doesn’t hate you neither does your family.
@Kno1 don’t worry, you’re only the fourth person to tell me that I need counseling. Along with my mother, father, and sister. They all think something is wrong with me. And its not just that I saw her using facebook, there has been other subtle hints that she hates me.
Sorry but you are so very wrong. If yu killed yourself the guilt would eat her alive and your parents. I know cuz my best friend/boyfriend hung himself 9 months ago. The guilt that I have been dealing with is unbearable. The pain that I have to live with for the rest of my life is a constant screaming from the inside out. I cannot kill myself because I have kids that I cannot do this to. The pain that I have seen his mother go through is not what any parent should go through. Or any family member or friend. The GUILT is unbearable, If only I could have said or done something different will haunt me forever. The decision to take your life is FINAL…thats it, and I believe 100% that my boyfriend had to see and feel all the pain that he left from the other side 10x over. My love for him will never change. The hell he has left me in is what you will leave your parents in, and anyone else around you.
To say just because I dont know you doesn’t mean that I don’t care is crap. I care about people in general and don’t ever wanna see anyone hurting, and that includes the people you leave behind.
Find whatever strength you have to fight another day, everyday.
@sutterly Okay, and would you tell me what I have to live for???? The person I love just absolutely hates me
There’s no question about it. My grades are horrible. No friends. So what else is there? Really?
I dunno I kind of agree with livenolonger as far as you can’t feel bad about all the death in the world. One of my favorite sites is biblehelp org/mortality htm its kind of cool it tells you the average number of people that die every second of every day and keeps a running counter on how many people probably died since you opened the page. With 7 billion people in the world the numbers are so huge its impossible to really care. Like it figures on average 100 or so people die every minute of every day. Something like 56 million die every year.
If all these strangers saying your suicide would sadden them doesn’t prove people care nothing will.
@what I disagree. I’m not made aware of every death every second. But the people who are made aware are going to have some amount of sadness.
@live your definition of hate seems plenty questionable. I nor anyone on this site can give you a concrete reason to live(trust me I’ve tried) I think you need to give the people in your life another chance. In fact give them more chances. If you need some one to talk to. Someone whose depressed as hell my email/msn messenger is kno11987@hotmail.com
@ Kno1 Well, the person I love got me sent to counseling for telling her I was gonna kill myself. The school forced me to go and I HATED it. Complete waste of time, I’m never going back. I’ve given people in my life chances. If they messed up, I forgave them and gave them another chance. But if I messed up, oh its a completely different story. They don’t give me another chance, they just end up hating me even after I gave them another chance and they don’t give me one. Bullshit.
well sure you will feel sad about the ones that affect you personally, and most likely everyone that dies leaves someone behind that grieves. Or if you see a tragic story on the news it might move you even if you didn’t actually know them. I also wouldn’t say I want anyone to die. Its just inevitable that everyone dies someday. You can’t personally grieve for all of them though when every second of every day someone somewhere will die.
@WhatAmIDoingHere you are completely right. Everyone has to die someday. So why not me earlier? What difference would it make?
@what you’re right it is impossible to grieve everyone who dies. That doesn’t mean you don’t care. @live you do need counseling. Its hard as fuck to accept but you have to. Also people don’t suggest it for their own good. You think your parents would suggest and likely pay for you to get counseling because they hate you? That doesn’t make sense.
@live, I’m sorry you are so hell bent on your self-hate that you only want to see the worst in people. I can’t change your mind about that, all I can say is, how can you expect to get love if you are so obviously rejecting love? From your family, your friends. Listen to Kno, he is making a hell of a lot of sense.
@whatamidoinghere: you can’t personally grieve for everyone, but that doesn’t mean you don’t care. And to care is pretty special. So I don’t think you should undermine the sentiment that people care.
@one_day DO NOT EVEN GO THERE. You say that I have rejected love?!?! It was all I had until everything went wrong. Now I reject it because it causes nothing but pain if the person doesnt feel the same, more so if they feel the opposite.
@livenolonger the difference as always is in the how and why. Which is mostly important to those who know you and care about whether you live or die. Its always sad when you hear someone lost all hope and had nothing to live for, the world shouldn’t be that way. You think your friend hates you, sounds like she doesn’t want you to die. If all you ever talk about is how much you want to die though don’t you think that alone would push her away?
@live that sounds like love to me. The person you love cares. Your counselor could have been a shitty school counselor who can’t handle mental health well and warrant your hate for them but I assure you the person who sent you to counseling meant well. I see it as youth. When you get older even though you may not get better you’re able to clearly discern when people are trying to help. Its obvious you misconstrue things as hate that are nowhere near it. You sound young angry and confused your not the first nor the last with those emotions. But you have to apply some logic to what’s going on around you and how you feel about them. I think you should reread this thread when your less emotional. It helps you get a better perspective.
@WhatAmIDoingHere she DIDN’T want me to die. I don’t know about now though. And yeah, I talked about it all the time, she tried to help me, and i would get mad at her. Which is why I don’t deserve friends because I screw up every single friendship I’ve ever had.
When I say you rejected love, it’s clear to me that your parents love you but you are rejecting their love by saying things like ‘they wouldn’t care if I died’. You are obviously so full of self hate that you can’t recognise love when it’s shown to you. You said it yourself, that’s how you screw up every friendship you have. That is why councilling is a good idea, because your perception is so warped, you can’t trust it.
@Kno1 the person I love wouldn’t care at all if I killed myself right in front of her. Honestly. Shs would just walk right over my body and continue with her day as I’m sure everyone else would. My death wouldn’t impact anyone. You say I should read this when I’m less emotional. I’m depressed 24/7, so thats kinda not possible
@livenolonger well look at what your saying if all you talked about is killing yourself you are pretty much saying you are going to end the friendship anyway. So why should she keep investing emotions in something that is just going to hurt her anyway. Maybe you made her give up and she just wants distance from the pain to come. I would say the same thing as everyone else go get counseling but really if you don’t want it then it wouldn’t do any good. If its forced on you it will just cause you to resent it and then that would probably just be worse then not going at all.
@live The idea that someone who cares about you would continue on after your suicide as nothing happened is as factual as saying the sun is purple and the earth is square.
@oneday did you just read WhatAmIDoingHere’s comment? You’re forcing me to go to counseling basically. Saying I need it. You don’t know what I need. What I need is to die
@Kno1 Well mabye I should just do it and we’ll find out the old fashioned way? You don’t know the people I deal with at school. I am non existent to almost everyone there. Nobody would care.
@live who are you telling about high school? I had no friends 3 hand me down shirts. no actual social skills(could barely talk hell still can barely talk) living back and forth between a house with no heat or a house with 7 people in 3 bedrooms in detroit. mom screaming at me questioning my sexuality because I was “sensitive”. I ain’t have shit to live for my 1st 2 years of HS. And I went to a uppity school so every other kid had money. You may not feel good about this thread but after this comment I do lol. I overcame all that shit but lord knows I have tons of mental scars from that period.
High school sucks don’t let people fool you its 2nd to middle school as the hardest time of my life. You couldn’t give me a million dollars to go through it again.
To everyone who commented to this post, what are you trying to do? Are you trying to help me?
@live, I never ‘forced you’ to go to councilling. I said, councilling is a good idea. It’s clear to me that you’re not ready to listen to anyone else’s opinion, and yes, we are all trying to help, and if you can’t see that, your perception is dangerously skewed. You put words in my mouth, you say I said things that I didn’t.
I don’t know what kind of help you want. Do you want someone to tell you to go kill yourself? Well, I’ll not have that on my conscience thankyou. So since I’m obviously not helping, I won’t comment any further. But can I suggest one thing: I think you’d make an EXCELLENT lawyer. Your ability to only see one side of every story.. my sister is a lawyer and she is just like that. That’s why she’s impossible to win an arguement with.
Good luck with finding whatever it is you seek.
@live speaking for myself yes. In my opinion the point of this site is for suicidal people to talk others who are suicidal off of the ledge. Now I may be failing at doing so but my goal is to help you. I’m not a counselor though. I’m just a depressed insomniac who has had some tough times and thinks you have a flawed perspective. The real question is why did YOU post this thread?
@live yea I think everyone who commented wants to help you. Its impossible to help someone that doesn’t want it though. It just makes them angry if you try. Look at where you are though, a site where everyone is here to share experiences and pain and just try to help each other get through to another day.
@one day thats what everyone says..that I should be a lwayer.
@Kno1, WhatAmIDoingHere, Oneday, and everyone else who commented on this, thank you for trying to help, but no amount of help can do anything about this. Sorry, but its true
@live it may be true that we can’t help but its not true that you can’t be helped.
@livenolonger its cool man good luck with everything I hope you find something to hold on to, talk to that best friend of yours if you love her let her know. We have to try though, you know. I mean you’re here, we’re here, so why not try. If nothing else it might be me posting one of these threads someday, and in my time of need I think I would want people to at least try to help me if they could.
Ok, it’s obvious that you’re sick of hearing the same things over and over agian. So I hope you can go away and do something relaxing, and just stop thinking about all this shit for a while. Put on a stupid movie or something. Good luck, and take care.
@kno1 it actually is true that I can’t be helped.
@WhatAmIDoingHere my best friend is ignoring me.
are you kidding me, she sent you to counselling and you think she hates you?
wrong again.
Have you ever thought of taking your negativity and turning into positivity?
Believing is the most powerful weapon that you posses.
You can be helped, you just got to want it.
So while your sitting there contemplating death, why not contemplate life?
Cuz when your gone, there is no more feeling the rain on your face,
there is no more friday nights, there is no more cheeseburgers.
Yes maybe your friends have let you down, this is when you find your strength.
And start over again. Nobody ever said it was gonna be easy.
Just get through one day at a time,
And if what you say is true, that you cannot be helped.
Then at least go research what happens to you after you take your life.
Go and ask someone’s mother or friend that has taken their life and see how they
are doing. All the best to you.