Well, probably not tonight.
Today I received a package full of death-inducing goodness in the mail. It was easy to buy, all online and inexpensive. It’s actually quite amazing that one can get such things shipped from another country to one’s door. So now I sit in my room pondering what value my life has, whether or not tomorrow might be worth waking up to.
I could wake up and struggle through another day of distant interactions, masks and acting. I could continue to watch my personality degenerate while everyone looks on, gaping slack-jawed at the freakshow. Or I could simply put on my favourite music, leave my computer screen open to my suicide letter, pop this shit in my mouth and fade out of existence.
Tonight could be the night, or tomorrow night.
6 comments
You have to be very careful with pills, might I ask what did you get?
Please stick it another week, if U can..I read my note I walk around w. in my wallet and just keep sticking it….HUGS
please dont do it. if you dont, itll give me hope not to 🙁 please
blackmist, it is not pills. I researched enough to know pills won’t work most of the time so I went for something a little more hardcore. I don’t want to go into detail about what it is sorry – all I will say is that with what I have, the effects of the overdose could probably be likened to that of a heroin OD, maybe even more pleasant than that of heroin. Let’s just say that heroin would have been my backup drug if this fell through. There, that’s a rough ballpark without giving it away.
Mitsuko and Madelene, I’ll probably be around for at least another week. I’m addicted to video games at the moment as they’re a great escape, so for now I have something to do at least. I can’t really see myself continuing beyond the end of the year though, Christmas is a very lonely time for me and the last few years I have been distraught over how few people actually care about me. To put it into perspective I have spent at least the last 4 years at Christmas and New Years alone. While I see everybody with people who care about them having a great time sharing presents and each others’ company, I am isolated from any warmth or love, unsure how to react to anyone who actually does try to include me. At least at this time of year, everybody is so involved with each other that my death shouldn’t make much of a stir.
listen i know what you’re going through..
my email is madelenesophia.lombardo@gmail.com
please email me and we can talk because i understand
What if i ship you a video game for christmas?