Hello, all. I just joined this group literally minutes ago. Have been doing extensive research for the last year on dignified self-initiated ending of life.
I am a 39-year-old grandmother of 1. I also have my beloved pets who have, up until recent desperate times, hindered my decision to exit. “What would happen to them?” “Would they be okay???” Well, that all has-for better or worse-been amended to what is best for ME?
Not to sound like a a one-upper, superlative *****, but if I were to explain the complete circumstances of my life-I’d be neck-to-neck with many people here as far as trauma goes.
I’m tired of hurting. I’m exhausted. I’ve fulfilled a lot of things in my life, including conquering an almost 20-year addiction to methamphetamine. I’m a good person. I’m just ready to go.
Can anyone here relate?
I am open to emails. rubyjen72@yahoo.com
PS: Only truly caring engage. Please. We all here have suffered enough via the world in general without having to be betrayed on a site that is supposed to be about support. — J
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I can’t imagine how you must feel. I know it feels so easy just to let go and give it all up. But you have to fight. Just remember that things get extremely bad before they can get extremely good. I know this from personal experience and if I had let my self go when I felt like it, I would’ve missed out on most of the good things happening now.
Hi jenend, I’m one year older than you and ready to kick too. I hope you find the peace you’re looking for.
thank you, causeway…and same to you. I believe that, for some of us, the peace we’ve yearned for in life *might possibly* come to us spiritually afterwards…However I’ve also accepted the possibility otherwise. I’m going with helium method when the time comes.
We’ve all gotten good at describing our pain and could explain it forever…are we willing to become obsessed with focusing on the opposite of the pain and allow some welcome release and relief and focus only on thinking thoughts that will assist and support in bringing good feeling internally.
You have been through so much….why make it pointless now?
Imagine the help you could be to someone else who is going through something similiar. If you’re not happy with your life…..create a new one.
As the grandmother of 5 I wonder what you would say to your beautiful new granddaughter one day if she felt the way you do. Besides if you go now, who will keep her as safe as possible. No one knows the dangers like you do.
I think I could top your list of complaints….but the one upmanship game is really pointless. I may have experienced more or less than you….but the real damage comes from how we accept our reality and what we do with it. I am not a quitter. I don’t think you are either.
BTW issues aside….i still suffer from chronic pain and illness and have outlived my death sentence by over 10 years so far. But when I take my 2 oldest grandchildren out into the woods, to a park, or to build a dam in the creek……well….just don’t give up on what could be the best times of your life. You will die one day….we all do…wouldn’t you like to have some good memories to take with you? I have had 7 NDE’s and if there is one thing i know….you can’t escape yourself even in your illusion of physical death. Wherever you go….there you are. Sorry
Hang in there…..there is a purpose…just gotta get out of your pain for just a moment to realize it.
Namaste
Amakua
Indeed, Amakua, to have gone through what you’ve endured with your near-death experiences has obviously resulted in you becoming a strong, insightful soul. I have read some of your other writings. Your wisdom is amazing.
What’s ironic is that one of my life mottos has always been “What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger.” I’ve even instilled this idea into my daughter, so you are correct in that I’ve never been one to give up. I guess where I’m at is…While I consider myself to be a survivor, sometimes to me, the struggles of the lifelong fight just aren’t worth it anymore.
Don’t get me wrong. My grandchild gives me fulfillment and joy when I’m with her. I have the capacity to feel happy being with my pets at the end of the day. Two years ago, I would-every once in a great while-wistfully, deep down wish I had the luxury of not having my animals depend on me. It’s been 10 years since I’ve even been on vacation. But lately I’m finding myself, like stated before, okay with knowing they’d be taken care of.
My boyfriend, if he knew this, would certainly have me committed.
I believe some people misunderstand the concept of suicide sometimes: It is considered to be one of the most selfish, angry actions a person can commit. But from the subject’s perspective, sometimes one makes the choice to end his/her own life for the sake of relief.
I, too, experience chronic pain from neck and spine issues. Pain may not be as severe as yours, however, being uninsured and in need of medical care has become an atrocious mess. I’ve been advised to have a consult with a neurosurgeon, but how? My finances in general are beyond hope. This I realized when I tried to open a savings account but couldn’t because of my poor credit. I’m chuckling to myself as I type that, as it’s so pathetic, it’s almost comical. (Sometimes we have to laugh to keep from crying).
@jenend
“I’m going with helium method when the time comes.”
That’s interesting – I have also elected to try the helium method.
I don’t really believe in an afterlife. I just want an end to consciousness, in this world, and I hope nothing follows on, that not a fragment of me survives. If I could erase my existence in this life before I go that would be a satisfactory prelude; destroy all records of my existence. Like I had never existed at all. But I suppose I cannot remove myself from people’s memories. What an odd way to live on – lurking in the mind of a loved one.