It’s been almost 4 years since my first cut. 7 years since the first time I cried myself sick, wishing I would die. I’ve tried to overdose 9 times, one of them accompanied by a 3 inch cut into my left wrist that severed my tendon. I’ve had the crisis center called on me twice. I’ve been put in a psyc ward once. I’ve been on 3 different medications (all of which I quit without authorization). My mother won’t accept that it wasn’t a phase, that wanting to die is part of me. My father committed suicide and my mother covered it up completely. I’ve starved myself completely for over two weeks. I’ve threw up until my throat bleed. I’ve punched myself in the stomach until all I could see we’re bruises, because I was too fat.
I’ve only been alive 17 years. I don’t want to make it another 5.
4 comments
Hi there… I don’t know what it is, but I feel compelled to talk to you. Like… theres a reason for it, besides just being a late night lurker. You sound sad, as would be expected if you are on this site. But there seems to be a strength. You keep bouncing back for more. Most people wouldn’t consider several attempted suicides strength, but there IS a strength there. I can tell that much. It takes alot to keep trying to end your own life. Once is usually all most can bear. Maybe you need to look in the mirror and see that there really IS a strength to you. With that much determination, imagine what you could achieve if you redirect that strength to a new aspect of your life. I have no idea what that would or could be… But if you want someone to talk to… I’ll be here…
Thank you, for believing there is strength in me. Most people see me as a weak quitter who can’t finish anything. I’m so glad I found this site. I feel less like a freak now.
I’m trying to channel my energy into theater ad am hoping to get accepted to trinity in Hartford Conneticut for my college years.
Osol said it all realy we all here 4 u if u need us
I think uve done a fare thorough job BeckyBrokenScars must be some bigger plan in place for you