I’m 29 today, and as per recent years, I’m depressed on my birthday. Why? Because nothing happens, apart from me sitting on my bed in the basement of my family home which is where I’ve been living a vegetable-like existence for several years now.
I’m unemployed. I failed at University (as an undergrad and then a postgrad) and I can’t get a job. All my efforts are in vain. (And no, I don’t want a career in sales or hr/management!)
I’ve got almost no social life. I let that shrivel up when I realised that all people talk about is trivia, their problems, and the world’s problems. I’d rather sit at home alone than go down the pub and rant about bankers’ bonuses and the EU.
I’ve got no love life. I don’t want children, I don’t like emotions, and I don’t like the vagina, so that’s that. The only times I’ve ever copulated, it was with “working girls” in parlours – and even that’s no fun anymore.
So I’m down. But the funny thing is, I’m actually more often than not an upbeat person. This is partly because I have various hobbies and interests. The other thing is that I have a family that I care about and vice versa.
That leads into my suicide comment. I’m a nihilist in an existentinal crisis, and my family (= 3 people) are the only thing between me and the abyss. They are like ropes holding me back from the release I fantasise about. I hate the effect my death would have on them.
So there you go. I’m a suicider in waiting. The day the last other member of my family dies is the day I go. The sad thing is that I secretly hope we’ll all die soon so my pointless and failing existence will end.
11 comments
I dont mean to be rude or judgemental but the vagina is beautiful lol… anyways, I feel the same way about family. I hope your b-day next year is awesome!
Sounds a lot like my life,but I do like *****,just can’t get any :(.Probably cos I barely leave the house
Seeing a hot girl is about the only beautiful thing I see in life anymore.yes I’m a sad b4stard.
Interesting that both replies focus on the sexual component of my predicament. I like to admire pretty girls too, but I always know deep down that if we hooked up, it would end in ruin.
At least your family gives you a reason.
And you do have hobbies and interests you actually want to do.
Nihilist in an existential crisis… intriguing… been a while since I was in that mode of thinking.
As far as vagina, it is higly overrated and I wish I would have stayed a virgin.
Would have saved me a truckload of trouble.
Or I should have stuck to dealing with paid professional women rather than teh crap some normal women put a guy through.
I feel the same way..except for the sexual part, since I am a girl. I’m way to old to call myself a “girl” but I feel like my soul vanished when I was 12, and I have never been able to get it back. Anyway, my family is keeping me here. I absolutely adore my therapist, but its not a real relationship, since I pay her and everything. Plus, she is an incredibly strong woman and even though my death would deeply affect her, I know she would be alright.
You’re pretty much right, Owen.
To ‘Helper: I see you’ve posted saying you’ve got “it” planned for the not too far distant future. Does this mean you’ve cut the ropes of your family that had hitherto held you back? My gut feeling is that you won’t go through with it, but then again, because you’ve already made an attempt, you may well do it. I’m impressed by your planning and thoughtfulness, so I’m torn between “being human” and telling you not to do it, and telling you to do it because it’s seemingly such a good plan!
trappedlost: I will never be able to “cut the ropes” of my family. As you refer to as “being human”, my humanness will always remain until my body is dead. And a core part of my personality is compassion, so yes, I feel terrible about what I am about to do to my family. In my past experience (aka my last attempt), I felt horrible about the act I was going to commit until I became intoxicated from the alcohol and pills. Then it was like all my humanness vanished. In the past, I would be pissed that you would challenge my decision to kill myself, and it would make me want to do it even more. Now, however, I don’t feel the need to prove anything to anybody. And, if some miracle occurs between now and the time of my planned death and I feel better, I won’t do it. Like I said to razor in a different thread, suicide is a permanent solution. So if I have any doubts whatsoever when the day comes, I will not go through with it.
@Trappedlost
I hope your family survives and things get better for you.
Since you have not given up completely maybe something will come along.
I work for a certain well known transport company and we always have positions open. Maybe you could try in your neck of the woods.
@InternalHelper
We do think quite a bit alike.
BTW I’ll be sending from gouki99x@gmail.com
@In general…not bitter towards ladies… I think that the female essence is beyond lovely in a way words cannot describe….
was always looking for that person I could be me with, the inner different me, not the surface charmer who plays to survive their world.
U.N. Owen- I hear that. Women are definitely brutal
Well, if you’re nihilistic then you might as well turn everything into a good thing in your mind! And you said you had a lot of hobbies and whatnot? Have you considered joining groups or starting some? You mentioned unemployed, but you could make money off of some of your hobbies I bet! That would be very fulfilling, I believe. Just try it before you go thinking there’s nothing else~!
(I can’t see myself fitting in anywhere with a transport company… Although interestingly, one of the most beautiful women I’ve ever seen was an EE girl shoving the buffet trolley down the aisle on a train.)
To Crazy. I’m glad you’ve raised the nihilism stuff. It seems to me that for many people, the realization that “nothing matters” is liberating. But to me, the logic is this: “if nothing matters, then how can anything matter?” Whether I live or die, whether or not I miss out on opportunities to enjoy myself, doesn’t matter a jot. It’ll all go to dust at the end of the day.
My hobbies don’t lend themselves to money making ventures, and even then, I’d hate to trash a hobby by making it into work. It’s a shame there aren’t loopy billionaires willing to pay disillusioned young men salaries to piss about all year!