Here I am once again. I keep telling myself “I’m going to post here everyday. Im going to keep going. I will survive” Ect ect. But. Not with whats going down now…Lost my job. No more income. Supposed to be out of my place by Jan 7th..but i have nowhere to go. Lost someone close…but she doesn’t matter anymore,told myself to forget. People tell me it will be okay. SHE told me it would be okay. Thats BS. How is one supposed to think shit will be okay,with the inevitable? Jan 7th. thats my deadline. If i can’t find a job,can’t find somewhere to go…I’m pulling the plug once and for all. Why am I posting this here? I’m not overly sure. I’m not looking for..sympathy,looking for someone to tell me “Its gonna be okay dude,you can pull through.” No.None of that. Hell,I’d ask the easiest way to just end my life,but CANT. This i suppose is to vent…And..well,perhaps help someone else that needs it….im a lost cause,i know that. im too…messed to help anyhow. Why not use..the remaining time of my fucked up,wasted life to help another. This i vow..Ill post here untill the 7th. After that…
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Things get bad. fact. Things get better…eventually. another fact. When stuff goes wrong it makes you angry and frustrated and just want to say f**k it all. just why?! but never a clear answer. Never a simple 1+1 solution. But I say don’t give up, not yet. Cause algebra can be fun. Something that helps me is that shit can always be worse…i could hooked on crack living in a trash can selling my body for a cigarette. Maybe think of it as a do over. I don’t have a solution to your problems or the right words to make you feel perfectly fine but I atleast wanted you to know that EVENTUALLY it won’t be so bad.
I don’t see how anything can get better in my position…What can be worse? Worse than losing your loved one,your home,and your job all in one month,and to know that just in a few days, your going to have NOTHING? The only thing that i see is better,is death. No more hurt,no more cold…no more…people hurting me.
I really relate to what you wrote. Sounds awful, like being stripped of everything that makes you YOU. I’m the last person to say what you should do.. i can only say that i hope you find some peace. i had some news xmas eve and my world fell apart. But i still have work and somewhere to live – just. I cant imagine what that must be like. For what it’s worth, you have my deepest sympathy.
I here ya Khrian … but if you’ve ever seen “Kill Bill” (where she was paralysed and was trying to escape the hospital) … forget the enormity of you overall condition … and first “Move your Big Toe”. To begin to rebuild your life from catastrophe (which I share a vast number of similarities with you – and very much feel the same), you must try to forget everything that is not immediate and critical AT THIS MOMENT – and ONLY focus on the one thing that is the most pressing need – for instance, find a friend or family member who’s couch you can crash on for a few days – then while there, try and see if you can find a job, and then go to a church to see if you can get some grub from their food pantry – don’t turn down any work, wash dishes and/or clean toilets if you have to, it earns money to buy food. Key – is to forget what you had in life and possessions but to focus on what you HAVE now – that you can use to begin the rebuilding process (which I will be the first to agree sucks – I’m about to start my 4th or 5th “rebuilding” if the crap ever stops burying me) – Good luck in whatever you choose – but at least TRY to “Move your Big Toe” – each day I try and find one task that must be done before I seriously consider the final act – so far that short-sighted focus has got me through half the year.
Hey Khrian,
Agreed a tough spot, but you’re better then that mate. Facing challenges in life is a given, but it’s how we respond to them that defines us.
Do they have any social security you can get immediately? People are losing their jobs all over the world every day (watch the news/net etc) so you’re not alone in that and don’t feel you are ok.
Secondly, try even get casual work, bar, telemarketing, anything crappy that other people dont want to do, and use this income to keep you afloat until you can clear your head.
The worst thing people do is make big decisions when their head isnt clear. Don’t be one of them okay?
You sound smart & quite strong, don’t let negative circumstances dictate your life, you dictate to them.
Think yourself out of this situation. If i can help, just ask ok.