Okay, title says it. The elephant is me. I’m extremely depressed. But the reason is so unusual. Here it is: I have a photographic memory. Like the memory of an elephant. I remember almost everything that happened in my life since i was 6-7 years old. You can say, hey, this is so cool. In some sense, yes, it helped me getting straight A’s, finishing the university with a very good standing, and getting a fair enough job. People always compliment on my memory and this is good for the soul.
But the drawback is that i remember some specific heart breaking events like getting beaten up by some guys several times, breaking up with my one and only girlfriend so far, being accused of something i did not do and getting harsh punishments from different teachers/instructors etc. as if they happened yesyerday. I cannot get rid of them. They cause nasty headaches and i start crying. Yeah, i know it sounds crazy. Even if i’m watching, say, Big Bang Theory, i feel like i’m experiencing these things and cannot live the moment. I got stuck in the past. I cannot enjoy the life. For such a long time.
I’m 26 now, but i feel like i’m 56. I want “All those memories will be lost in time”. I want to die. But i’m afraid that our emotional experiences will continue after death. Forever. This is terrifying to me. But still want to end it. I’m searching the best method out there.
That’s it. Thanks for reading my unusual story.
8 comments
have u ever tried smoking weed?
No, i haven’t. So you think it will help?
Not necessarily on the weed. It can be a mood extender. For what it’s worth, I’m 52 and I wouldn’t be your age again for the world. If you can stay alive long enough to make it past what you’re feeling now, it does get better. Exercise. Get your endorphins up. Try to make some memories that won’t necessarily negate or erase what has happened before, but that will wrap around them and enlarge you. Mostly, though, please know that anyone who loves you (and you sound very accomplished so I know you have standards and have gained the admiration of people who already love you) will never ever be the same if you take your life. And people you may not know yet will be affected. I know because my father died by suicide.
double edged sword.
blessing and curse.
helpful and harmful.
light and dark.
your talent cuts deep both ways.
maybe you could try hypnosis to see if your hurtful memories can be reigned in and closed off.
meditation as another possibility.
I agree with U.N. Owen’s suggestions. Have you ever processed these memories with a therapist or close friend? It may help.
Since you have such a wonderful memory, I am sure that you also remember pleasant memories in vivid detail. Do you think it would help to focus on one of your good memories when you start reliving the unpleasant ones? Just a thought.
As far the the suggestion to smoke weed, it may help temporarily, but it won’t make the bad memories go away. I smoked pot daily, many times a day, for over 5 years. All it did was fry my brain, and it gradually started causing me more anxiety instead of lessening the anxiety like it had previously done. As I have said before though, to each his own.
yes i do, it can help you be passive about things that would normally set you off, it can help with your headaches(it also could make your headaches worse just depends on the person and how much you smoke) it can help you forget things…yea i think it could help you out
EFT–emotional freedom technique–helps some neutralize emotional memories
Dear Outsider, whether you have a photographic memory or not, one thing is for certain –it’s hard to forget painful experiences. And unfortunately, we all have more than our share. I do want to share some good news with you. These painful memories won’t continue on after death. The Bible says that in heaven there will be no more tears! I once thought as you did. I wanted to die. But if I died, where would I go, I wondered. When I was 21, some friends told me about Jesus Christ. They told me that He loved me so much that He died on a cross for my sins. So I accepted Him into my life, and I haven’t been the same since. Oh yeah, life is still painful at times, but I know He loves me, and He has a purpose for my life. Though I don’t know you, I’m absolutely certain that He loves you too! And He has a purpose for your life. I’m not suggesting you get religious all of a sudden. But I am suggesting that you consider having a “relationship” with the God of this universe. If you want to know more, let me know. God loves you Outsider and so do I. Don’t give up. I hope you’ll LOOK UP!