I’m going to skip the big intro and get to the important stuff…I own a crime and trauma scene cleaning company so on a daily basis I deal with people going through the worst times in their lives. Every day in day out I see first hand what suicide does to families and friends, neighbours, colleagues and so on. No matter what you may be thinking there are people who care about you. Your actions will forever change the lives of every single person you know even some people you don’t. Suicide is a permanent solution to your temporary problem. You never know what the future holds, give it another day see how it goes. I’m going to be blunt and also say suicide is by far one of the most selfish acts ever, Just to stop your temporary pain you’re going to make everyone you know go through Hell the rest of their lives??? I recently had a call from a middle aged woman whose husband had taken his own life. In talking to her she revealed that the week before he had not received his Christmas bonus of $1,500 and was very depressed he might not be able to do all the usual amounts of shopping for the family. So for a week he fell deeper and deeper into his depression. On the day his wife and 2 innocent kids went to do some shopping he did “it”. They returned home and the bigger one of the 2 kids (probly 9-10)found him first. I personally did this job and it was a bad one. I can not even imagine what those little kids thought or the mom for that matter. Every year for the rest of their lives Christmas time will now be just a horrific memory of that day. In short life is far more important than $1,500 bucks. Please remember you wont just be ending your pain you’ll be creating never ending pain on your loved ones! Thank you for reading this and may god bless us all
share your suicide story
Report Post
Please log in to report posts
29 comments
Yeah that’s the main reason I’m still here. I can’t inflict that upon those I care about, I know personally about the damage it does to those left behind.
It’s one of the things that stops me too.
Having said that – I don’t think you have the right to tell people that their situation is temporary. You can’t know that. For some people it may well be permanent. The pain they’re feeling may be a constant agony from which they have no respite. I don’t think anyone has the right to tell people they HAVE to live like that anymore than they have the right to tell them they have to die. We’re not things. We get to choose.
This is just my opinion though.
It all boils down to a simple question….are you selfish enough that you would end your pain in trade of all those around you suffering a lifetime?
Alot of the time the person is in too much pain to think about anything but ending it no one would do it if they werent driven by suffering in the first place.you may get to clean up the mess but you dont have to live it.spend a month in a locked ward out of your mind in a manic phase then tell me dont be selfish i hear what youre saying nut youre on the wrong page buddy
You are assuming that there are others around that person. What if they’re alone? What if their friends and family love them enough to want their suffering to stop? I’m not saying that you don’t have a point – I’m simply saying that saying that it’s ALWAYS selfish is erroneous. My opinion only.
Do you have a mental illness?do you have any idea what its like??NO!!!so bugger off
I understand why people want to die. I struggle with it myself. I had a good friend kill herself on my birthday of all days. I understand why she did it. I don’t think that using guilt is the way to approach people who are suicidal. They are already burdened with so much pain they want to leave this world. To tell them that they are being “selfish” is just adding to that pain.
I have read about studies that show that people who have low serotonin levels are more likely to commit suicide than those who do not have low levels of serotonin. So a lot of this can be caused by a chemical imbalance and the person who is in that place needs help not criticism.
If you have no one around you or if you hav the patience to wait until there will be no one around you it wouldnt hurt anyone. We’re planning to run from pain not inflict it.
Also not everyone has a temperory problem. A lot of us on here a stuck in problems for a lifetime which is why we’re here. Its something you can explain and only ever experience
Thank You anyway for your post. I never thought about how it would be from your pov.
I like what uttilini says…people are either extremely confused or in so much pain, to simply say they’re selfish is really oversimplifying the matter-and it’s more important to have compassion. They made a choice based on their circumstances and it was the best one they could make.
@ cleaner, perhaps you may consider writing a letter a person in a position of political power to change the laws regarding euthanasia. People cry out and complain when they witness the horror that suicide creates for those left but are not willing to take meaningful and purposeful action to create a better situation in light of the reality of suicide. There are organizations like Dignitas, and Hemlock Society…
Basically society is saying we don’t care how people take their lives or the mess it creates but we’re too scared to make a decision about this and create a humane way for someone to exit their life should they not see a solution that resolves their pain and provides a modicum of quality of life for them. No one can quantify the quality of life for another or understand the bizarre brain chemistry that many do not have control over, nor do drugs positively affect. We can either approach any situation either positively or negatively. Good comes from every situation should you choose to look for it. All the best!
I wrote this to the cleaner on another post but wanted to say it here.
To the cleaner,
I am 46 yrs old. I took care of my parent’s over the last 10 years as their health failed. I watched my mother die on Sept 14, 2011 gasping for breath and terrified. I have 6 other brothers and sisters. They are all quite successful in that they make a good amount of money. One sibling makes a million a year. Today I have no food, no money. I have just enough to buy my aging dog some food to eat. My siblings took my inheritance which was only 10,000 dollars (but was A LOT to me) and they sold the van my father left to me for 14, 000 dollars and I never saw a penny. I have no friends in town. I have not been out with a friend in over 10 years. I also lost my 15 yr old car about a week after my mom died. I was so good to my parents. I took beautiful care of my mother. We were good friends toward the end. Now I feel I have no one. If I do kill myself and my siblings feel all hurt well all I can say is it’s just too little too late. In other words now that my parents are dead I couldn’t give a rat’s ass who I hurt. I mean that too. I am tired of the poverty, depression and isolation. I have lived a crappy life of mental illness and have been an outcast all of my sad effing life. If a crime scene cleaner wants to judge me OH WELL> I am sorry but you don’t know everyone’s story and to call them selfish is unfair. Every day that I hold on I feel I have lived through more than the average person would tolerate. No food , no money and no friends is my life for the most part. When my mom died I lost the last person who made me human. I look forward to death.
Good vibes to you uttilini, all the best!
I keep having nightmares of my life before everything fell apart 3 months ago. I have dreams that I am back in the classroom teaching. I lost my job due to mental illness. And then I can’t sleep. I was a very good potter and ceramics teacher. Now I have thrown away all of my ceramic books, tools and destroyed all of my work. I will never touch clay again. All of this is pushing me towards catching the bus. But there is no really easy way of doing that.
I wish I had a gun.
I was also really into cycling. I would bike close to 600 to 800 miles a month and in the summer a lot more.-but now the bike just sets in the corner. And I invested a small fortune in my bike and gear. I have lost all interest in everything.
I was thinking of doing the final act on new years.
Pop my neck for the new year is what I am thinking about. My X to be, she could care less.
screw it.
@uttilini
Isn’t it about time you called in the debts your siblings owe you? You took care of your parents, at great personal expense yourself, and, no doubt, saving them a small fortune in care home fees. Personally, I would present them with a fait accompli – demand they finance a second chance for your life, or they will be responsible for the consequences.
I’m a misanthrope.
and my conclusion is: what’s the matter? aren’t we all going to die anyway?
so what’s stopping us from killing ourselves,
or should we rather live a ‘torturing’ life for those who are always in physical pain, or mental pain, or being constantly rejected by society, living forever in depression, pains, etc etc?…
where is God?
and how do you know for sure that living is our only “PURPOSE” ?…
and “Purpose” for WHO??….
so many unanswered mysteries and questions….
@thecleaner so reading that is supposed to do what exactly?
“I’m going to be blunt and also say suicide is by far one of the most selfish acts ever, Just to stop your temporary pain you’re going to make everyone you know go through Hell the rest of their lives???”
Well.. Blunt, maybe. Rude, maybe. Very, very rude and offensive? Definitely. Everyone here has considered their own “selfishness”. In fact, many think they’re overly selfish when really, they’re not. When one has lived years of depression, mood swings, and general chaos, that problem is NOT temporary. And as far as you know, many of the people on this site may never recover. Then, is it really that selfish? Or is it selfish for others to expect someone miserable to live?
You’re the selfish one, not us. Also, if I didn’t know this site was being moderated, I’d call you a lot of names that I think would be quite fitting.
Your post didn’t help anyone who’s suicidal. Just made things worse. Thanks much.
@epiphany i was reading the comment page when i came across urs nd as i started reading i thought who the F*ck do they think they are… then i realised u were just quoting so appoligies for thinken bad of u nd i fully agree 😀
but id like to add that everyone is intitled to their oppinion even this lad, who offers us a different (if unpopular) point of view
Oh, and also, learn to use grammar. So annoying.
@Procel: Haha.. Yeah. I know everyone is untitled to their own thoughts and opinions, but that doesn’t mean they have to offend everyone by making inaccurate accusations.
You know what cleaner i will send you my address so u can come and clean up….lol just kidding ive tryed 13 or so times and i dont know how or why but i always got found busted and saved, the only mess is my life up till now bipolar 1 has destroyed my mind and life since i was 13 thats 30 years of suffering and you call me selfish?i was trying to save my family from the distress of seeing me go insane over and over and over god you really are on the wrong site but i will say this YOU dont have to do the job you do pick something else and leave everyone to make their own desisions without being judged
@eppiphany there nothing wrong with having shit grammer nd i know alot of people lack the tact necessary to make points without offending people and a bit more thought could have been put into it but… hmm i thought i would find a reason to defend this guy… aparently i cant lol
@molly i was tempted to say what u said (at the start) too lol. ive noticed with some people on this sight and u in particular that there are alot of selfless suicidal people that want to die to save their familly nd i can honestly say that without such genuine people as u the world would be a worse place, peace Molly, i hope u find it
Cleaner,
I understand where you are coming from and it is well intentioned I’m sure, given what you see on a daily occurence.
But some people do have real issues, both internal & situational circumstances.
Internal issues (physical & mental) are best addressed by the doctors & nurses, and situational issues (eg relationship/economic/ issues can be helped sometimes by just a caring stranger.
There is no one solutiuon for all, but if we all care somewhat for others, we can always help a little.
Life is and can be tough, no doubt about it. But how we approach and go about it makes a big impact also.
I believe people have an immense power. That power is so strong, it can destroy some people, but also so strong it can lift some people up. It all comes down to directions and guidance you take.
If anyone wants to just chat/present viewpoints/ etc I am happy to chat ….
Stay well in the meantime.
Wow what started out as trying to help has obviously went the wrong direction. To all of you who have posted on this…..I did not mean to offend or hurt you I apologise.
It’s Ok Cleaner,
You are allowed to post your thoughts & good intentions. I get where you are coming from entirely especially given what you see on a daily basis. Sometimes people may not all agree with them, and that’s okay too. I think you do a tough gig.
In dealing with peoples issue’s, complex issues require a nuanced approach to address detail by detail, so a ONE approach never fixes all things.
You see ‘the end result’ everyday and that must be hard. The people here do not, but maybe some would benefit in seeing ‘the end result’? I don’t know. Maybe offer to take some on your job rounds for two weeks? It might help some…
Take Care
this is so upsetting. you have no right. you have no clue.
i live a personal hell. it is my mental illness.
i don’t use it as a crutch, i have only recently started to learn that the reason for my constant pessimism, suicidal tendencies and crying is because of some chemical unbalance. we are not victims and we most certainly ARE NOT FUCKING SELFISH!!! don’t even try to understand. unless you have dealt with mental illness yourself! i am so upset at people like you. people like you make it hard for me to go out. people who view my “way of being/thinking” as a CHOICE ><. I DID NOT CHOOSE TO HAVE THIS ILLNESS. I DID NOT CHOSE THE FAMILY IN WHICH I GREW UP IN. I DIDN'T CHOSE FOR EVERYTHING TO AFFECT ME PERMANENTLY. YOU HAVE NO IDEA- THE DAILY STRUGGLE TO FIND A REASON TO GET UP AND EVEN BRUSH MY TEETH AND EAT A PIECE OF BREAD WHEN I REALLY JUST FEEL LIKE THERE IS NO LIFE IN ME!!!!
you have no right…mr cleaner.
@cleaner i know you apologised good on you im sorry if you caught some of my rage if you want to help people go down to the psyc ward and visit some of the people you clean up after have a ciggy with them and try to understand why it is they are the mess you clean up this site is for those people if you arent suisidal your on the wrong page….
The Cleaner,
I like your intention, and I believe you can do much better than that.
You may have taken part in a holy position of soul-deliverance without your realization.
But to call someone selfish is not going to help people much from dying.
Selfish, for some people, yes, of those stubbornly trying to die in order to inflict pain to those livings whom they hate.
And Stupid, is a better word for suicidals, of not knowing any other resolution but death. (me included)
Ignorant, though, was a nicer word implied, for my past deed of not knowing to take on a righteous battle and to fight, rather diminished that to trash my life to a meaningless sacrifice.
For you, being a Cleaner, can also be a worthwhile Cleanser, to cleanse the negative residual energy that left behind.
If you are in that business long enough, you’ll notice the frequent re-occurrence of deaths would happen to the same family or places as if there’s a spell of spite.
And be grateful there in your heart to those deaths that contributing to your income, and in returning your service in gratitude you are like a peace corps to wish them all well to a better place they rest their souls, and your willingness and care endeavored
as to demonstrate being a righteous and kindly soul is all that simple that one can do !
Or else, but seeing all that ugly mess of stain that displaying, “so disgusting” as some in words of complaining, then see what that crew will soon conceive as luck in their later life ! (similar energies attract)
(Many times one vomits not to the stimulation of the smell or sight, but to the reaction of the spiritual sense.)
Dear Cleaner,
I’m sure your job has shown you some utterly horrific scenes. i can appreciate the message you try to convey – it is admirable. The story you relate is heartbreaking. but as someone above mentioned, you only see the end result and get the sanitized “reason” the family gave you because they probably didn’t know the gravity of the deceadant’s situation and/or they weren’t going to relate he family’s “laundry” with perfect strangers.
There’s an old parable about “Not judging me until you’ve walked a mile in my moccasins”
For many of us here, we would do anything – including die – to prevent you from the tormented lives we endure and the gut-wrenching choices we make every day. you may not know that he guy who did it because he didn’t get his bonus was also diagnosed with terminal cancer, and had a history of depression and he didn’t get his bonus because the company was handing out pink slips and along with the loss of his job, he loses his health insurance.
but you’re right – it’s just a “temporary setback” … and in 99 out of 100 scenarios as I’ve described, you are probably correct. he catch may have been, if he should die while still employed with the company his family would be able to retain he health insurance and be entitled to his pension … since he was gonna die from the cancer anyway, why not secure his family’s future?
do you see how quick a person’s life and the decisions they are faced with can get very very complicated? nothing is as it seems on the outside, much like this website
i am just one of the hundreds that use this site that that have come very close to doing what feeds your family – each one of us has a very unique and complex set of circumstances and challenges that range from terminal to traumatic and from emotional to irrational – or some combination of some or all i mentioned and everything in between – to include financial difficulties to financial ruin.
I hope you took some time to look around and read the conversations. you see, if you did, instead of casting stones and throwing out blanket generalizations and making uneducated assumptions about us being selfish and foolish – you’d see that those of us who came here to basically vent one last time found that as bad as we felt, someone else had it worse …
and instead of being selfish – we extended our battered and bruised hand to help to one another. you see, while you criticize us – we actually put our overbearing burdens side for just a few minutes o do what no one has done for them until they got here –
we listened – with our last ounce of sanity and humanity and as potentially our last act in this world – we offered any shred of ourselves that we had left to another hurting soul. there’s a word for that …
selfLESS
So dear Cleaner – I wish you much success and prosperity – and i hope you or anyone in your circle of friends and/or family ever feels the desperation and futility that we do – but if they do, before you cast out the cliches of ‘be strong’ and ‘suck it up’
Listen … extend a hand … without judgement
Thank you for your apology
peace
living on borrowed time dawg