Its that old cliche, you can’t love anyone if you don’t love yourself. This just sucks, and I’ve been on the other end of the equation (the dumpee) and it was so frustrating… to love someone you knew loved you, but was so hell bent on self punishment that they threw your love back in your face and pissed and shit all over it, and all I wanted to say was…
I love you. Get over yourself.
In defence, I would like to say that relationships can be quite daunting. And I have good reasons to avoid them:
I don’t want kids, ’cause I’m mentally ill and it’s hereditary, plus my illness would make me a bad parent. In most relationships, the subject of offspring is bound to come up.
I’m suicidal, no need to hurt yet another person.
In a relationship, you have to actively love the other person, support them, be there for them, be a good partner. I’m not up to it. I don’t have the energy.
With all these reasons in mind, my petty feelings become rather irrellevant.
@muspelhem: maybe you didn’t love them. Sounds like you’re focusing on very.. logistical things.
1. Not all relationships end with kids
2. Not all depression is hereditary and if fucked up people can come from non-fucked up parents, I wager the reverse is true also
3. you are suicida and don’t want to hurt anyone close to you… so you recognise that they couldn’t change your feelings?
4. To me, the emotion Love is not something to chose to feel, you either do or you don’t, and if you do, it’s not a quantifyable thing that you have to exert energy on, if it happens it’s self replenishing. The way you speak of love, sounds a bit forced.
But I have to agree… relationships are a pain in the ass, and you’d be a fool to embark on one, unless you had absolutely no choice (ie. you were madly in love)
1. No, that’s true, but every woman I’ve ever been with has been clear about wanting kids at some stage. I draw the conclusion that most women have an urge to have kids, whether they admit it or not.
2. No, but schizophrenia is hereditary.
3. Exactly. I know from experience that other people can’t cure me, hell, I can’t even cure myself.
4. Even if you love someone, it doesn’t mean you’re neccessarily good for them.
@muspelhem: oh ok, I can’t relate to most women wanting kids. It’s certainly not me or my friend’s reality, but I do think it’s a shame that it should be prioritised over basic compatibility with a partner.
Yes schiz is hereditary, it’s also triggered by drugs and chances are, kids will experiment with drugs. Point is, if you thought about all these factors, you would just not move or do anything
Maybe people can’t cure you. But if they are willing to help, why would you reject it? and you might be suprised. There is no cure, but there might be temporary relief and a cause for hope.
You’re right, loving someone doesn’t mean yr good for them. but pushing them away is bad for them and you, as well.
6 comments
I did the same thing. Who was I kidding?
Its that old cliche, you can’t love anyone if you don’t love yourself. This just sucks, and I’ve been on the other end of the equation (the dumpee) and it was so frustrating… to love someone you knew loved you, but was so hell bent on self punishment that they threw your love back in your face and pissed and shit all over it, and all I wanted to say was…
I love you. Get over yourself.
In defence, I would like to say that relationships can be quite daunting. And I have good reasons to avoid them:
I don’t want kids, ’cause I’m mentally ill and it’s hereditary, plus my illness would make me a bad parent. In most relationships, the subject of offspring is bound to come up.
I’m suicidal, no need to hurt yet another person.
In a relationship, you have to actively love the other person, support them, be there for them, be a good partner. I’m not up to it. I don’t have the energy.
With all these reasons in mind, my petty feelings become rather irrellevant.
@muspelhem: maybe you didn’t love them. Sounds like you’re focusing on very.. logistical things.
1. Not all relationships end with kids
2. Not all depression is hereditary and if fucked up people can come from non-fucked up parents, I wager the reverse is true also
3. you are suicida and don’t want to hurt anyone close to you… so you recognise that they couldn’t change your feelings?
4. To me, the emotion Love is not something to chose to feel, you either do or you don’t, and if you do, it’s not a quantifyable thing that you have to exert energy on, if it happens it’s self replenishing. The way you speak of love, sounds a bit forced.
But I have to agree… relationships are a pain in the ass, and you’d be a fool to embark on one, unless you had absolutely no choice (ie. you were madly in love)
1. No, that’s true, but every woman I’ve ever been with has been clear about wanting kids at some stage. I draw the conclusion that most women have an urge to have kids, whether they admit it or not.
2. No, but schizophrenia is hereditary.
3. Exactly. I know from experience that other people can’t cure me, hell, I can’t even cure myself.
4. Even if you love someone, it doesn’t mean you’re neccessarily good for them.
@muspelhem: oh ok, I can’t relate to most women wanting kids. It’s certainly not me or my friend’s reality, but I do think it’s a shame that it should be prioritised over basic compatibility with a partner.
Yes schiz is hereditary, it’s also triggered by drugs and chances are, kids will experiment with drugs. Point is, if you thought about all these factors, you would just not move or do anything
Maybe people can’t cure you. But if they are willing to help, why would you reject it? and you might be suprised. There is no cure, but there might be temporary relief and a cause for hope.
You’re right, loving someone doesn’t mean yr good for them. but pushing them away is bad for them and you, as well.