i tried, i failed, i lived

I know for a lot of you out there you’ve tried and failed.  Have you ever wondered why you’ve failed?  When I was in the hospital i walked around in a daze the first two days and cried a lot in my room.  My breaking point was my third day when I broke down crying in the hospital shower wondering why I was still here?  How did I fail?  I took a mixture of sleeping pills and anti-depressants and tried to overdose in my sleep.  It didn’t work.. I’ve tried to work through my feelings about trying and failing.  I wonder what the purpose of me still being here is?  Why didn’t i succeed? Me dying would not impact the world in severe way.  Though I know my family would be sad, tears eventually dry up, and they would smile again.  So why?  All I can do is hope, i’ve decided not to try again but work on myself to get back the pieces of me that fell out of place and through me into this dark pit of despair.  I’m hoping to find the answers i need and that sometime in the near future it will become clear why i failed and remained here to keep going forward with life.  I hope to post more regularly on my progress and maybe offer some hope to those of you who are thinking of suicide or who tried and also lived.