Im 18 years old and i question my life everyday. My depression gets ahold of me, and it doesn’t let go. It gets into my mind and i go crazy with these thoughts. My depression gets so bad sometimes there isn’t a moment i don’t think about killing myself. Don’t tell me i have my whole life ahead of me, i know i do. I don’t know how much more of this life i can take. Sometimes i wonder if all these people that surround me know im on the verge of tears most days. I feel like i don’t have anyone to talk to.. i don’t know if anyone feels like i do. i just wanna cry constantly, but i don’t i hold it together, all day at school, all day at work. I come home and look in the mirror and i never feel good enough. People say your pretty your this, your that. No i feel like such an ugly person inside. I want these demons out of my head. I pray to god to help me, i question if he even hears me. If he’s even there. I think i hate that thought the most, that i really don’t have anyone. Im 18 years old and sometimes i hope i could just die. I cant do it. I can’t leave my baby brothers. Lord if your out there, please help me. Please be with me tonight
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i know what that feels like… the depression gets to you and your mind is completely racing with thoughts and all you want is for your brain to turn off, you try to find some kind of relief from yourself but you can never find it… you just want the chaos in your head to subside but it doesn’t… your not alone
secrets, I am sorry to hear of your pain, confusion, depression, whatever you want to call it. I have been,and had friends who were depressed, and questioned if there was a God, who were young, and didn’t have any one special to talk to . All I can say is please wait and be patient, do not be so hard on yourself. Be strong for your little brothers, they look up to you wetaher you know it or not. If you disappear you could hurt them deeply. What I did to help was small, but simple. I would be nice to people. Nota to nyone in particular,or any one I had identifed to try to be a friend of, almost randomly. Small acts, not out of the way, almost insignificant but genuine. I was amazed at how surprised people were initially. They couldn’t undertsand why anyone wouldbe nice. Some were nice back to me, talked to me, smiled at me, joked with me.Not long before they talked to me, real conversation too. Talking helped me the most. It let the torrent of crazy ideas out of my head , andmade me realize how much the world has to offer, andhow much I have to offer the world. Please consider some part of whatI wrote above. It worked for me and my friends. It can work for you if yougive it a try.
Everyone is feeling the burn these days, you are in good company and being looked after…I often feel the same but trust that as best you can. It’s a fight to fire up the engines to find that pin prick of light that puts a smile on your face. You’re doing your best…keep your expectations reasonable and measure them by your yardstick only. You’re doing great actually. There is no judge unless you add to what you’re already feeling. I’m there with ya…Good luck!
Secp
Secret, I hear ya. I have and still feel the same as you. I am not sure what your religious views are, but I will say this, I have felt there are times god doesn’t hear me and I ask why do have have to feel this way. But I know he hears me and he is there with me. Even if it is the smallest thing, a small gesture of kindness, it raises my spirits. It is a constant war, but it is one we can win. You are not alone in this fight.