i won’t say this out loud

December 6th, 2011by secrets

Im 18 years old and i question my life everyday. My depression gets ahold of me, and it doesn’t let go. It gets into my mind and i go crazy with these thoughts. My depression gets so bad sometimes there isn’t a moment i don’t think about killing myself. Don’t tell me i have my whole life ahead of me, i know i do. I don’t know how much more of this life i can take. Sometimes i wonder if all these people that surround me know im on the verge of tears most days. I feel like i don’t have anyone to talk to.. i don’t know if anyone feels like i do. i just wanna cry constantly, but i don’t i hold it together, all day at school, all day at work. I come home and look in the mirror and i never feel good enough. People say your pretty your this, your that. No i feel like such an ugly person inside. I want these demons out of my head. I pray to god to help me, i question if he even hears me. If he’s even there. I think i hate that thought the most, that i really don’t have anyone. Im 18 years old and sometimes i hope i could just die. I cant do it. I can’t leave my baby brothers. Lord if your out there, please help me. Please be with me tonight

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