loneliness is unbearable.

  December 7th, 2011 by SuicideThoughts

this is kind of long, so if you dont want to waste your time, then dont read this. its not that good anyway.

its been about 5 or 6 months since ive been on this site, because i tried to stop because writing more depressing things was pointless and a waste of time. i know im not the worst off, there’s plenty of people on here that have it so much worse than me that i feel guilty for being suicidal. but i have to write once again because i have that feeling that maybe I’ll meet someone on here who has maybe been in the same boat im in. and im on the edge and i have exploded inside and need help.

im pretty much suicidal again because i have been sooo lonely the past year that its eating me alive. i want is friends, i want to go out and have fun, party, maybe even get drunk and do other things, but i cant. because i dont have friends that love me or care about me. i used to be a christian but im not really sure if im there anymore. i’ve lost my faith in god, though i still pray sometimes, like once a month maybe. but anyway..im stuck at home doing chores, waiting for my dad to stop screaming at me, waiting for my sister to stop hating me, just waiting for something, anything better. for friends. friends who want me for who i am. i actually have a boyfriend but its so hard. we  never fight, he’s a really nice guy and i really like him but he has no clue what i’ve been through, and he’s starting to get a little bossy. he has sooo many friends and i always find myself jealous of him, because he has everything that i might never have.

my dad forced me to take counseling because he knew that i used to cut and burn my arms. but counseling is seriously the worst idea on this planet. its such a waste of time. the other night i attempted suicide with pills, once again.  i wish it worked. next time i’ll take the whole bottle. 

i think depressed people can see the world and everyone in it from a true perspective. happy people are too joyful to pat attention to anything thats not good, or not enjoyable.

well if you read this then thank you.

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