Love and hate…and ignorance.

  December 11th, 2011 by Eric103222

Ive been living on this earth for 25 years. Of those 25 years, I can say Ive only enjoyed the first 18. When I knew what love was. I lost my mother at 18. My father was never in the picture. Murdered at the age of 20. I loved my mom. God I loved her. After she died I haven’t felt love ever since.

I.cant explain love. No one can. But you know who loves you. and who just deals with you because that’s what family supposed to do. I live in a cold family. They aren’t rich, but wealthy enough to have a 4 bdrm lake house 2 vehicles and a boat. There’s no love here though.

I try to do my best. I make good money even. Money wont buy love. Not that Ive spent a single penny on them since Ive moved here the last month. I moved in to help myself. I want to go to school. I wanted to find happiness. I love working on high performance vehicles and driving them.

Living here is taking me further from love. I had to sacrifice a few things I love to move here.
1. Pot.
2. Alcohol.
3. A base of good friends.
4. Self reliability
5. My dog…
I love to drink and smoke pot. It gets me away from the hate, stress, and bullshit in this world. Now that I’m sober. I really hate life more than I have my entire life.

My friends. Well they truly weren’t the best friends. We hung out all the time. Every day i got off work, i knew i could give one any one of them a call and pop a cold one roll a fatty and relax. I ha vent been able to unwind.

Self reliability. Well I was about to be fucked anyway. I bought a truck, paid for, but still I’m upside down in. A lemon. But I was living on my own, going to work everyday on a moped. Paying my own way in life, and that made me happy.

My dog. Originally I was not allowed to keep my dog. I did find love after my mom died. And that was my bud Sammy. A neighbor that I honestly did not trust, said she would look after my dog. Shit went downhill and i wound up with him here. But I cant go outside and play with my dog here. they have a little shit dog that my uncle is scared my dog will hurt…. which wouldn’t hurt a fly. He is the most well behaved dog I’ve ever known, other than a true working dog. Ive spent many of many hours training him.

I now live in a shed. I had to throw or give away over half of my possessions to live in a unlevel shed.
I’m thankful that they let me move in to save money to go to school. I know that I’m just using them though., I couldn’t do it on my own. not for a very very very long time anyways.

What the fuck is love now. Love for my dog is the closest love i know. Really though, he is a possession. I loved him at first and still do. Really though I could snap his neck, through him in the lake and feel nothing now.


All I feel is what every hard working American feels. The need for the all mighty dollar.

FUCK the dollar.

It is a miracle that life exist. Why do we waste life on such a trivial thing as the dollar. We are nothing without it.

Life should be about love, happiness, and peace.

Where is it? How do you find love happiness and peace???????
Ignorance is peace. why? because when you learn how fucked up this world is, You’ll never find peace again.

Maybe a piece of lead will do it. Maybe a noose. Maybe driving down the wrong side of the interstate at 100 mph. Then maybe ill find peace!

Mama I want to come home.

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