my story-

I was going through tough times, I had depression, struggling with an eating disorder, and just feeling so different. I felt like no one understood and that I was  this freak. This girl that no one understood, a girl that people laughed at, a girl that people gave dirty looks to.  I fell into a deeper depression, (which i still am in now) About a month ago, it was only cutting, which seemed harmless to me. It almost felt nice, i was numb to pain now.

I stopped for about too weeks.

Then it continued this time, only more intense, more deeper and it became a daily ritual.

I soon started to have suicidal thoughts. Instead of starving myself for anorexic reasons, it became because of depression. My social anxiety became so bad that when i would go to school or any store. I kept my head down the entire time, and my mom said (because i had been starving myself) i looked like a zombie. I would tell her to stop, but i know it’s true.

Then came the thoughts. Suicide.

I was in school one day and I was just thinking, how easy it would be to end my misery. That day, i decided that i could do it. I knew an easy way out. I was planning that when i got home, i was going to end it. To take a knife to my skin, an actual knife and lay down and let myself bleed. In the most pleasant way possible. In my persepective.

I got home that day. Dug out my pocket knife from my drawer and attempted a slice, but it didn’t work.

I tried at the razor, i couldn’t dig deep enough. I had failed.

I put on my hoodie and came downstairs to eat. That night I had been selfish. I imagined how my parents would feel coming in to see a dead body on my bed. What a disturbing image to them. I hadn’t even wrote a note. I forgot.

That was last week.

Still this day, I still want to end my life. But I can’t, guilt is my weakness. So suffering is what i do now.