Silent lips

  December 11th, 2011 by TheAbyss

I do not understand how it has gotten to me signing up to this website, but I felt the need to be amongst others in a similar state of mind to myself. I’ve just turned but for at least four years now the feeling of a silent suffocation has seeped it’s way into my life. At one point i belive i was genuinlely depressed.. and i acted on that, in a big way. Only now i am better, it feels as though i am in a state of limbo, a sort of apathy where i still find myself reading night after night about more depression than suicide, but suicide none the less. Ever begging the question i don’t know, searching for something it seems which does not believe for me. Like an aimless quest. I don’t understand how i can be free from depression but still acting in the manor of how i did when i felt i was. It’s a confusing sort of scenario, and what scares me the most is the fact that i’m scared i like it, this gleaming sharp side of life where i can be reckless with my emotions. Ready to hurt myself at any stage but unable to do it due to my lack of courage and the thought that clouds my head of how ungreatful i am, compared to other peoples life. All the while maintaining this facade of being fine and sane when i feel like the silent scream within my soul is ready to split from my lungs, burst my heart apart and give the satisfactory pain i half do, half don’t crave; and so i come here begging the question – can you answer a question i cannot give, but i know i want answering?

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