so here i am again
couple weeks go by and i think i am better than this site  ( i’m not like those people)
but i am
or i’m worse
have absolutely no idea why i just cannot shake this
i see now its definately not a phase
maybe i am being repayed for my sins in a previous life
no one understands me
no one — and i mean NO one knows the real me
just me and God i guess
sitting here with tears in my eyes again , my heart is so heavy
all i want to do is cry and drink myself into a deep sleep
and i hate drinking
hate feeling drunk
wish i had a do -over card
wish i had some confidence
wish i was like all the happy people
4 comments
I coined a phrase like that before. I called them “the sunny people”. I recorded this back in 2002 for my last album, Calliope (it’s my “depression” album…which is ironic because depression has badly derailed my efforts to finish my current one). Maybe you can relate to it. It’s called “The Caves”.
http://davidv.purplenote.com/music/DavidVesel_The_Caves.mp3
why?
why what ? why i wish i was like the happy people ?
pretty self explanatory
isnt that all why we are here
i dont feel good about myself , i am sad all the time
i am not happy
and the sane part of my brain knows this is not normal
because there are other functioning people out there who may be worse of than me BUT still manage to be happy
i want that inner happiness that nobody can fuck with
i really want to be happy and be at peace and love myself
but thats not what is happening
i am not trying to start an argument
i am really crying out for help
i understand that… im sorry its just that i dont see why you’d want to be like other people out there who go through life completely ignorant of whats going on around them they think their life is perfect… im just sayin that i know im fucked up in so many ways and i do hate it but i’d rather be like this than them, and im not tryin to start a fight either… i am sorry about you feelin this way, and if you do need help im here though im assuming you dont want to talk to me