I called a suicide hotline…..they hung up on me. Go figure.
Sorry but I just happened to stumble upon this site….. Hullo My name’s Aj, I’m 16, a self-injurer, and have recently been dealing with suicidal thoughts so uh here it goes:
Background: Father- beat the crap outta-you kinda dad, Mother- I love her to death but she married an ass, never been to a physc….probably should, and my family believes that suicide is a cowards way out.
I haven’t dealt with suicidal thoughts for over 2 years. By this I mean thinking about it everyday and constantly planning. For some reason the thought of me ending my own life gives me a strange sense of peace….anyway  2 years ago I almost tried to kill myself, but my plans were foiled by some very good friends of mine. So instead I started cutting myself, again. I had realized that the blade could make all the pain and all the hurt bearable. When the cuts became noticeable I started punching things and burning myself. I have managed to break my hand several times, numerours scars, and countless stitches……but now it’s just not enough….and now there’s no one, there’s nothing to live for, there’s nothing to look forward to. Hell we are all going to die…..might as well be from my own hand….right?
6 comments
Well, sure, we all do meet the same end…
But we don’t need to speed towards that end too quickly, when there ARE things worth living for, worth seeing and doing and being a part of and enjoying in life…
Life can be cruel as often as it can be kind–probably more so.
But the goodness in life in such cases is like the oasis in a desert…however the rarer, the greater and more worthwhile the journey it proves to be…
Dante’s “The Inferno” opens with Dante, the character, “lost,” metaphorically, in the woods of life…he has to choose which path to take, and he feels he’s lost, maybe that he can’t even go on…
Virgil–the Roman poet, and character here–shows up, and shows Dante through Hell, to show him all we must suffer in life, and then, in the later segments of “The Divine Comedy,” Dante meets his beloved Beatrice in Heaven.
I DON’T mention this to preach to you–far from it, I’m not religious myself.
But I think, maybe, in the same way Dante needed a helping hand to give him guidance and perspective in life before he could ascend the heights of Heaven, so too, maybe, would it be a good idea for you to seek a helping hand HERE…
Before using your OWN hand to end your life, perhaps prematurely–because once it’s done, it’s done…
Dante had to go through Hell–but as horrible as it was, with guidance, he DID get out…
Maybe we can help you out, too? 🙂
Hey animefan,
Life isn’t about the beginning nor the end, rather its about the journey in between. Try remember that.
May i ask why do ‘you think’ you have negative thoughts? Whats the root / catalyst behind them?
Try remember, we are the product of our thoughts, so make them good ones.
Happy to chat anytime you might want or need either here or email/msn.
Take care buddy and try stay in a more positive frame of mind.
Cheers
AdAs
funny that you say your familys thinks its a cowards way out.. My moms friend told me that. honeslty hearing that doesnt help the sistiuation.. At least not at my part it didnt help.. And your right why not kill your self now.. Shit i was thinking that two. And sexually abuse. Damn we are almost alike. But heres the thing. I know what your going through.. and holly fucking shit it sucks ass!!! dont get me wrong.. And hotlines dont always understand. The good thinng is you posted on here and hopefullly some of are comments will help out… And this is me saying life has to hit rock bottom and give about a million scars.. And thats what self harm does to me at least.. Or i think of it as life scaring me up.. but soon the scars will heal and life will bring you back up to the top…. but it does have to come down again…All we can hope for is for us to be ready.
@ Sherlock Hamlet: ah a fellow reader? Yes but at least Dante had divine reason (Virgil) to guide him through Hell….
@Schneiderang: I get what your saying about hitting rock bottom…..but for me, once i get there I know almost for sure that im not getting back up. at least not this time
yeah.. your right fully.. I feel like that alll the time. I guess im just saying im hoping that you wontt end your life
Thanks scheiderang