What do I do?

What happens when the fun fades and reality sets back in? When your friends leave and the game is over and the movie has ended, when what you have left is an empty shell of a life. Then what?
When the music’s over, there’s a sadness that seems unending or overwhelming to say the least. I used to have this thing I was searching for my whole life, this challenge of sorts. It started out as a thought and lingered in my mind as a semi desire. Then it was consuming, but didn’t just consume my thoughts, it became a fairy tale dream. It became the end all and be all of what I want. Well, I found it not long ago and it was the biggest disappointment of my life. I wish I knew what to do from here, I have things in my life and have no excuse to kill myself or even harm myself, I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that self inflicted death is not the answer, so knowing that I am merely existing. Not living, not enduring, not even hanging on…existing. I’m stuck at such a crossroad in my life, I have no idea where to go from here. Mentally I am devastated and lost to the furthest reaches of possibility. Physically, I’m further than I ever thought I could be. I’m blessed beyond understanding: I have the best friends I could ever imagine, a place to sleep and live, a God that continually shows me He loves me. How could I be sad at the end of the night, right? Maybe there’s something wrong with my head (as if that was a question), maybe I always want what I know I can’t have, maybe I subconsciously want to be hurting and alone…maybe I’m just as bad as I think I am.