Today I had my very important presentation. Which sucked.
The teacher said it was boring.
Wow, thank you teacher for being encouraging and bringing out the best in your students.
What gives one person the power to crush another person?
Are we that worthless? Are we that disposable?
Do I deserve to be miserable because I am not “intelligent”?
I hate whoever created the fucking system. The management. Whatever you call it. I would be so much better off living like the animals. Free.
I just wanna be free.
I do not want to study something I hate.
I do not want to spend years just surviving, just making sure I pass.
Sometimes I think I should fail, the pressure I am under is tremendous and I would freaking love it If I could love it. I think only if I fail or dropout of university will that happen.
I wish I could die. It seems so much easier. More peaceful. But I am fucking scared. It scares me. I don’t wanna kill myself only to end up in some place worse.
Sometimes I wish I could lose my mind completely.
Completely.
It would be cool if nothing mattered anymore.
And another part of me says, Why should I die?
Why should I have to kill myself while all the bloody intelligent-perfect people suffering from no illness of the mind live happily?
It feels like there is a worm in my brain gnawing at me. I didn’t ask for it? So why won’t it go away?
I wish I could blame someone.
I can’t pick one person.
It’s everyone and everything.
I hate everyone and everything.
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4 comments
I honestly think that ur teacher (and whoever laughed at you) are truly the boring and unintelligent ones. It’s no secret that usually the judgmental people are one with least intelligence & wisdoms, and hence they’ve made up the weakness by bullying and putting others down. You have to realize this truth.
Society can be a sad place, because majority of humans are -sadly- stupid and ignorant beings, they are Imperfect. And this earthly life itself is imperfect.
Forgive it,
and perhaps it’s ur “purpose” to help enlighten and illuminate these pebble, short-thinking minds.
Share ur intelligence and wisdoms and out-of-the-box thinking.
Live. not just existing.
Some of the most successful people left school without any qualifications. The teachers told me I would never amount to anything and when I left university they said it was impossible to find a job because the field I’m in is so competitive. I sent out three applications and got a job 2 weeks after leaving university. Why do you care what anyone thinks. It’s what you think that’s important. Some of the problems I had when I was at school are seem so insignificant now. No one can be the best at everything. If Stephen Hawking applied for a job as a dust bin man he would not be have the ability to do that job despite having one of the greatest minds we have seen. I’m sure you will find something you are good at even if it takes years.
Schools are systems designed by a certain set of rules that measure based on the system’s parameters. Most people’s abilities and interests exceed the system, so we seemingly fail at what isn’t in alignment with our passions and where our focus wants to be. Life is school…not the other way around. Math is a good thing to have, above and beyond that…follow that which ignites and inspires your being and believe it has already been achieved.
I feel the exact same way. I can’t offer much advice or anything. I just feel so hopeless. Not for me but for everyone. Why get up in the morning? The stupid people outnumber you. Even if you get where you’re going, it might not be the wrong place. I really wanna just not wake up tomorrow. That would be nice. But I’m going to. And I’ll go through the motions until I break down again. Because that’s what life is for people with these kind of feelings.