My family, hates me. Everybody… But why? i don’t know! They take advantage of me and treat me like there slave. I have to do everything for them, and if i don’t do it correctly, they hit me with the closest thing they could find. My mom hit me with a cloth hanger and it gave me a couple scars on my leg. My dad hit me with a badminton racket on the shoulder. Even my brother hates me. My own brother. I thought brothers and sisters are suppose to take care of younger siblings. But apparently not. He smacks me around like i’m some kind of toy or punching bag. He’s always on my mom or dad’s side. I have been hit by, my entire life. I really want to kill my self, but really, i just can’t. I just don’t have the guts. The things that are keeping me alive are some friends at school, but i lie just to get some fame in school. I lie to everybody and everything just to get away at things hopefully to get a better life. My parents expect me to do everything perfectly, my tests, my work, my homework, but i can’t. I’m not perfect, nobody is! She than hits me because i don’t do good. I know i’m smart. I just can’t get 100% on everything i do. My mom doesn’t even get 100% on the things SHE does. Shes a hypocrite. Another example. She drops a plate on the floor and breaks it, its nothing. I drop a plate and break it. She goes crazy and starts yelling at me, after that she hits me with something. I usually cry in the shower and in bed. I end up getting my pillow all wet. The only way i can get some peace is sleeping but even that i don’t get. My mom wakes me up super early for no reason, even on saturdays and sundays. Than i take a shower after i wake up and she screams at me for taking 2 showers a day and if i don’t get out in 30 seconds shes gonna smack me. Â School is sometimes fun, but boring. I hang out with my friends. It’s better than staying at home and be yelled and smacked all day long. After school, i go to my friend’s house to hang. I go home after 2 hours and my dad asks why i was out for so long. I told him that it was only 2 hours. He than says “Do you wanna get smacked”. That sentence right there, just made my heart cry, made me cry.
Someone please help me…
1 comment
Not really sure how to respond. Being without words is pretty new to me. Perhaps it is because I got personally involved in your story. I had a similiar childhood. I used to say….go ahead…hit me….kill me….do me a favour….in my mind. When I finally found the courage to stand up for myself and say it out loud….the physical abuse stopped. My older sister was my biggest bully….now we are close….now she would do anything to protect me and has proven it over and over again.
I was at work one day and a co-worker repeated my abusers words to me. I was his superior and asked him to do something he didn’t want to do. I got a little pushy and the next thing I know he says…”Wanna get knocked on your ass woman?” Poor little fellow. They literally had to drag me off him. It took awhile to get my hands from around his throat. I sooooo wanted to kill him. The truth is a different matter. I really just wanted to hurt anyone…to make them feel the pain….just for a moment. Obviously not the answer. Luckily I got help before I actually killed someone. The truth is that when my parents, siblings etc. quit abusing me I took up where they left off.
I know you dont want to get smacked. I know you want to be able to give and accept love. You don’t deserve to be treated the way you have been treated. You are worth loving. But first you have to find a way to get through the pain and start loving yourself.
Nothing concrete to say…not sure of your culture etc. more info would be helpful.
In the end, you ARE loved. You ARE love.
Namaste
Amakua