I am 55. I am being treated for depression. Have been for several years now. Drugs, therapy…I changed the drugs…..more therapy. On it goes… To those who are hurting, like me, right now: Do not believe anyone who says, “whatever it is you want, If you really want it, work hard at it, then your dreams will come true.” This is false. What is supposed to happen is that you will eventually change your dream in order to accept the new truth that your dreams and aspirations will not come true. Next: “God knows the answer”. This is an affront to the reality that God doesn’t exist. Neither do tooth fairies, ghosts, Easter bunny or UFOs. There has never been tangible, verifiable, definitive evidence of gods existence. Do not buy into the delusion that there is a grand plan or purpose to your life. I wasted so much time working hard, getting sober (25 years), being a good person, doing the “right” thing hoping against hope that something good, rewarding, meaningful would happen. It has not. The passions I have embraced do not seem available for me to pursue. You might be thinking it is my fault, that I must have done something wrong, that I haven’t worked hard enough at it….honestly, you would be wrong. I know, no one said life was fair but no one ever told me how un-fair it was. The hurt is deep. I am a coward though, destined to repeating the never-ending pain called my life. so long.
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Your consciousness will continue on…I hope you receive all you need on the other side, I hear and feel you…I’m 41. Best of luck to you.
I share your pain.
Having taken the same journey and been under the same delusions.
Being kind, courteous, generous, respectful, honest, altruistic, etc really does not pay off that much in this world.
It might be okay if those things did not get one betrayed and harmed but they do.
Even picking up someone who seems to be stranded can get you hurt.
Or offering to buy a meal for someone claiming they are starving.
Or even giving your last to help out a friend who seems in dire need, yet when the situation reverses the friend is no longer there.
The only place kindness seems to work is on boards like this.
And until my end comes, I just hope that something I say here helps someone.
@mydoghasfleas.
You are not a coward for living. It is just that so many things support living at all costs. And before the advent of the internet, ending things was not an acceptable choice in the minds of many in certain nations.
Unless you deliberately hurt another , do not chastise yourself. And even in some cases those who hurt others have their own demons.
As to whether you are better off dead only you can make that decision.
You seem to be a wise and kind individual. With something that is keeping you here. So it may be prudent to explore that.
Whatever path you choose I wish you as much peace as possible.
I’m 46 and feel the same about my life. I’m living in this depressed state, trudging through the minimal daily activites I have to do to survive. I havn’t spoke to a doctor about the depression, don’t know what a pill will do to me and kinda don’t want to. I don’t believe in god as a being, but more like mother nature, god is the universe and how it works. I also believe that when you die you become part of everything, so I’m not afraid to die. I have my exit plan, but I hold out hoping something changes in my life. Alot of the things I wanted when I was younger are now out of reach, I regret daily some of the decisions I made in my past which have put me on this path. I drink myself to sleep most nights, it’s the only way I can stop thinking about things. I also know I won’t make the decisioin to let go of this life unless I’m sober. I say all this becuse it’s good to know I’m not alone, and I ask myself the same question every day.