I don’t even really know what to say or how to say it or what direction I am going to go with this but I want someone anyone to hear how I am feeling so their will be no questions…I am not a weak person I am very strong mentally and physically but at some point as a human being when is enough enough? Over the past couple months I have lost my job not have any contact with my daughter and on xmas eve my girlfriend of seven years broke up with me. So in a matter of months I have lost everything I could possible lose add into the fact that my birthday just passed and I got in a car accident in nov and i have had trouble getting another car…its xmas day and i am sitting in my small apartment lights off all by myself i feel like I have lost everything literally everything and most likely in a couple weeks I will be homeless or just not able to support myself or my daughter like I should be.. Reaching out to someone who does not understand how it feels to lose everything is hard and people are so judgmental I kept reading this essay over and over again about if I am thinking about suicide read this first I have read it like ten times today and it only helps in the short term. I do not have another rebuilding plan in me I am 32 years old and I should be established I have a college degree and i am a good worker. Nothing I seem to do works out in the end…I even took a whole bottle of sleeping pills and I woke up this afternoon angry that I woke up. I don’t want to talk to anyone about how I feel because honestly you have to be in my situation to know how i feel to know the pain and despair i feel. I highly doubt anyone I know will read this but I just wanted my side to be heard because at the end of the day when it is all said and done you are alone in the dark I would like to thank you for taking the time out to read my story.
God Bless…..
Random121979
10 comments
Hey Random,
Sorry about your troubles. Life definitely sucks for you right now. I’m not going to try and talk you out of killing yourself ’cause it’s your life to do with as you choose. I would urge you to think about your daughter before you kill yourself, though. My aunt killed herself and left my little cousin behind to carry on that swell legacy. She was very angry at her. The only reason she forgave her was because my aunt was a desperate drunk and had caused so much chaos up until her death that it was somewhat of a relief to have her gone. I am a recovering alcoholic and have attended MANY AA meetings where the speaker is a former homeless addict/alcoholic with a prison record and a long list of disgraces. The neighbor across the street wrote a book about his troubles with alcohol, landing in jail, losing job after job, homeless, broken down with nothing. Now he lives in a half a million dollar house with a loving wife and is a healthy, thriving senior citizen. What I am trying to tell you is no matter how bad it is, it will get better. And it doesn’t even sound like you have a substance abuse problem, do you? Life is hard. As I posted earlier, it’s like a giant, brutal obstacle course and you need strength and stamina to get through it. Reaching out for help in your time of need is the right thing to do. Use the internet to find resources in your area. Maybe a work program or even Goodwill or family or friends. There are lots of charitable programs out there, churches and so forth, that offer help to those in need. Especially at this time of year, you should be able to get some help. Don’t let your emotions dictate your decisions. Calm down and try to think clearly. Emotions muddle everything… What region are you in? I’ll look around for you, if you like. Take care and keep those emotions in check. God Bless You, too. Take care.
“What I am trying to tell you is no matter how bad it is, it will get better. ”
Well, I’m not sure that’s true, hbmom. Some of us never seem to reach the bottom – we just keep spiralling down and down – into loneliness and debt and despair, and sometimes the only way we can find to arrest the fall is to kill ourselves.
It WON’T get better, stop lying people!
My boyfriend of 2 two years left a week ago. He has now left me with nowhere to live. He has a daughter of 3 years who whom i got very close to and still to this day love her like my own. I will never ever see her again. I spent this christmas with no family .. just like last christmas. I tried to kill myself the other day by self autocide but didnt go through with it.. now im living life my way and not letting anyone else in that could ruin it for me. Im only 19 so i believe i could establish a new plan for life. But you know what youve only lived less than half of your life. Youve got a college degree and your a hard worker.. the two things an employer is going to look for.. if you find a new job you will have a home,, you will also be able to support your daughter. Dont give up just turn things around to suit you because life has screwed you over. And you know what i think about my ex everyday .. things dont just switch off and move on.. you hold on to things.. time does heal as ive learnt. i needed people to listen and on here they did.. now im here to listen.
“time does heal as ive learnt”
That’s very true, jimby, if you can hang on long enough, time can heal many wounds.
Baal and Causeway: This guy is in a situational depression, I think. If, like a lot of people on here, he would have said he’d been in and out of hospitals and made so ever many suicide attempts, I would agree with you, but for someone who is just going through a rough patch and not suffering from a life long battle with severe depression, it can get better!
Sure it can get better – it can also get worse, and it does know harm to know it. Depression is an accident-prone maze and the best way to stop it is never to succumb to it in the first instance.
Random – I know it looks pretty bleak from where you are, but you say you are a good worker and mentally strong and those things stand you in good stead. You need to use them to stop your depressive cycle now. 32 is not too old, not too tired, not too late for rebuilding. You have a life framework to build around – you know your talents and your limitations. The only way out is to set aside your depression and thoughts of suicide and begin work now on rescuing yourself.
I never said it can’t get better, but it can, but it probably will get worse. I’m not talking only about the OP problem, but in general.
Forget the first but on the sentence above lol
Hey Random,
Just like the goodtimes didnt last forever, the positive is nor will the bad times.
Life is not about how easy and smooth a ride you have, but rather how you face adversity.
Now is your test for life. Don’t give up because you sound quite together aside from the economic circumstances. Hell this is life for many all around the world now (just watch the news or read the internet).
Stand up to life’s challenges because there are many, and don’t let one hurdle dispirit you.
Not everyone is having a great time this holiday period, so don’t think you should be also. Life is what it is.
Being a man means having courage, not wilting.
Cheers Buddy
AdAstra