- raped at age 5
- parents divorce
- raped again
- almost successfully committed suicide but then people found me
- was in therapy
- and now I’m a sex addict.
how the fuck are all these things connected?!
ugh fuck my life >:/
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I don’t know… I mean alot of it involves sex. That could be related. But I am no doctor…
i mean i know that but fuck I’ve been “LOVED” throughout my “childhood” i’m only 16… i mean really this sick man had to RAPE a 5 year old to satisfy himself? ..incest.. is .. disgusting.
It goes without saying that I am sorry this happened to you. You did not deserve that and it is something that will most likely (theres a chance it wont) haunt you to some degree your entire life.
None of the bad things were deserved. Are you still in therapy?
thank you, i truly appreciate that.
and also thank you for stopping to see my post..
i felt as if i would get no response from anyone/:
no i’m not in therapy anymore sadly.. unfortunately i became aggressive towards my male therapist when he tried “comforting me” by giving me a hug. he swore up and down it was nothing sexual. and of course they believe the therapist with the degree and not the young suicidal girl. 🙁
You are welcome. I try to read and comment on as many as I can…
A lot of people find this site, pour their hearts out, and wait for a reply that never comes. That makes them feel even more alone, and as I know how that feels, I try my best to give an ear to everyone.
You would think someone like a therapist is someone you can trust. The sad truth is there are creeps in every profession. I know that was a bad experiance for you, but you should consider seeing another one. I personally dont see one anymore.. Just get anti depressants and shit. Stopped the self harm atleast.
yeah i know i stopped the anti depressants i mean lately I’ve just been feeling so sad and empty inside, i just went through a break up and i know it sounds stupid but i fell for this girl so hard.. also, ive stopped seeing my therapist. i just cant deal with them..
truth is i think im over the suicidal part.. or maybe im just not thinking about that as much..
anyways the way i feel better is through poetry, music (i.e. asking Alexandria etc.) and cutting on the stomach and chest..
i need new ways i seem to be getting quite bored.. any suggestions?
Hmm Asking Alexandria, saw them at Warped Tour last year.
And its not stupid to be hurt and depressed over a break up. Thats perfectly normally, especially if you really fell for that person.
I went through a cutting phase. Twice. It’s really hindered me lately because some can be seen. I wouldn’t recommend it.
I just use poetry or music. Or talk to someone. I havn’t found many other ways to cope.. Then again I am not really looking. I have one person I talk to as I have pushed everyone else away. I am not sure if I did that on purpose or just over a course of accidental time, but if I do decide to die then it would be for the best. I just don’t want to crush that one person. But I dont want to push her away.. It’s comeplicated.
Life is complicated and full of hardships. Some have it harder than others, and some just cope better than others.
Most people would say something along the lines of “You need to learn to love yourself” but that is so cliche’ right now.. Loving yourself when you are depressed is one of the hardest concepts.
hey i went to warped tour last year too! ^__^
i felt like i really did i mean she was amazing.. i guess all things happen for a reason.. again so cliche’
well i think ill be able to cope a bit more easily. thank you for your compassion and for taking time out of your day to lend some advice.
i hope that whatever you do will ultimately be for the best.
thank you .. i hope to hear from you again,
~Cee .
I try to go every year.
And I hope you find your way to happiness as well.
You say sadly when talking about not being in therapy anymore. Maybe you should try therapy again, just find a therapist you would be more comfortable with. Sounds like with your sexual abuse history a male therapist was a bad idea. You should find a female therapist, one that specializes in dealing with minors and sexual abuse. Your bio says you live in Los Angeles, you shouldn’t have any problem at all finding a therapist you would be more comfortable talking to in a city that big.
I’m sorry you’ve been raped..ive almost come to the conclusion that most people have been..some worse than others..I myself have been raped several times. The first ironically was not by a man but by two women..second..a dance instructor. Third, my ex husbands best friend. I could go on..I feel very hurt..I get married so I don’t have to be raped anymore, not realizing it really cause im just trying my best to take care of my kids..my husband wants me to have group sex..he would beat me as well. I put up with him cheating on me, him beating me because I didn’t want to be raped..very sad..I know. I’m divorced..living with my parents who I know care for me but my past hurts a lot. I’m not a sex addict..I’ve not tried commiting suicide. Ive thought about it many times but never have I come to take any such action. That doesn’t mean I don’t like sex because I gave that to a husband that I thought loved me..no..it wasn’t true. He just wanted sex..money..alcohol. I was never taken out..was never allowed to go anywhere..I was timed if I went to the grocery store. Ive been through counselling..also i have many family members that have graduated as far as anyone can that have spoke to me.
What I’m trying to say is..it doesn’t have to be connected in anyway. You want someone that truely loves you but you’ve never known what love was. First we have to take care of ourselves before we can take care of others..I felt cheated from that..cause ive been able to take care of myself for a lot of my life, but I feel people get jealous to see you do more than they can and so they find a way to take you down..whether its by words (emotional) , or physical. When you are treated bad for so long, you start to believe that its all you deserve. Hell no, it isn’t. Unless you’ve done something bad to someone including yourself. That’s where the law comes in and it can make things better or it can make things worse. Cutting is never a solution..you need to find reasons for why you do this..when you’ve found those reasons than you need to correct your way of thinking..if you cannot do that than you definitely need the Dr., you need those meds. I will say though that stress is a big part of everything in this life..if you cant do it without meds than I’m sorry its going to be a harder time coping..wish you luck..and don’t forget..we all are not perfect.
Firstly, let me say that I am so sorry for everything you’ve been forced to endure. I agree with WhatAmIDoingHere, it sounds like you’re sad about no longer seeing a therapist, so why don’t you try seeing a female one instead? Especially one who specializes in sexual abuse; I think you will find a lot more sympathy and understanding that way.
Music and poetry are good outlets. I also self-injure and do other things to myself which I honestly can’t say because I don’t want anyone else to start doing them, since I know they can be detrimental to some. I have some strange ways of self-medicating as well – I have an obsession with tea, it’s incredibly soothing. Also, pets are always amazing companions who are there for you no matter WHAT, and that fact is comforting as well. They listen but don’t judge, and my cat personally comes over every time I feel sad and cuddles up with me. It’s almost like she senses my sorrow and wants to help me be happy again. She does help… a little.
Although, I do have to say, I disagree with you about everything happening for a reason. That saying always hurts me. For instance, there is no reason at ALL why you were raped – it was a disgusting act of a disgusting human being who shouldn’t even be allowed to breathe the same air that we do. I don’t think anything happens for a particular REASON, but if you were meant to be with this girl than you would be. Anyways, I know that rape is one of the most traumatic things someone can go through, so I’m always here if you want to talk. I’ve never been sexually abused before, but one of the girls I hold dearest in my heart was raped multiple times so I understand how devastating it is and how much it can destroy someone.
My heart goes out to you.