Well I told my brother that is close to my age about my 19 year old brother sexually abusing me! He Said he already knew about ! Well I just find out my brother use to do things with my sister that always taunt me about being sexual abused . Well I Thought my brother that’s close would understand when I Told him but he said “you could of said no”. He said “you probably had wanted it” and that “everyone get touched I’t Isn’t that big of a deal. I started too feel bad again and said to myself I probably did wanted I’t. I was Down stairs crying about I’t. Sad eveyday ! Is this ever gone end ? Well maybe not.
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Oh tear drop 🙁 you’re siblings are cruel, you were to young to know be able to know what to do then. Sure at this age he can say you could of just said no, but when youre 3? You don’t know, i can guarantee you didn’t want it. Keep being tough. It will get better, and it will end. I promise this if you stay strong!
I CANNOT believe your brother said that. First of all if you wanted it – you would not be here. And saying no is alot harder said than done. And it is a big big BIG deal to get touched. It is something that can effect us for years.
I do not know your brother but he is so wrong on all acounts. You are a precious gift to this world – I know it’s hard to see that but you are.
You did not deserve nor want what you got.
hello teardrop….sorry…..didn’t understand….been reading your other posts…..really hard stuff to read….especially because i am a survivor myself….was starting to relive my own childhood through yours….so i’m afraid i haven’t read them all yet….just wanted to let you know that in case i missed something or i say something wrong to hurt you further….and that you definitely do not deserve.
perhaps that is why your video post made sense to me….just saying
Are you sure you’re only 13….did i get that wrong….if not i am in awe….you are just about the bravest person i have ever met
myself i am now 50….and i swear i survived…you will survive…you’re alot braver than me….honestly…..my abuse began at 3 to 4 and continued throughout much of my life unfortunately….because unlike you i could never even try to talk about it to anyone for many many many years…..i still have not told it all….and my experience doesn’t even compare with what you have endured….very strong young person indeed
i love that you admit to taking the horrible things that were done TO you…never by you….and using them against yourself in the form of self abuse….no lectures here…done it all…..but if i can offer one piece of advice to a very wise Soul….don’t accept THEIR shame….how can a small child know right from wrong…..that is not to say that you were not “NATURALLY” curious….but that is exactly what THEY took advantage of….never your fault….ever….you cannot control your body at that young an age…it feels what it feels and then trys to make sense of it….NOT YOUR FAULT
but when you know better…..you do better would like to offer more help if this is the sort of help you would like….if not i hope you find what your looking for…..i can’t believe at your age your even looking…….very brave, mature, emotionally scarred young lady…..but always a lady….i was too afraid myself…..i am in awe
Peace
Amakua
Yes Amakua2309 I’m 13 ! I’t was a secret for me until Everyone found out about I’t from this note at school that fell out my purse. I wrote the note personally too Myself. I never had the chance too talk about anything to anybody until I found this site because I threw all my journals away because I was too scared that my mother would find out about anything else. My Brother that sexually abused me told me he was sorry but I only think he sorry because he don’t want me too tell my mother so I haven’t told my mother what he did too me for 6 years. I wish they never found the note ! I was very embarrassed and still very embarrassed that everyone including my teachers and principles knows about my childhood ! I was to embarrassed that I Skip class and went in the bathroom and cried my eyes out and I’m too embarrassed to go to counseling so I stay outside all night until my counseling sections over.
Good morning Tear_Drop
Amazing….do you think the note in the purse thing was an accident?…if so i’m sorry….but it’s just my opinion that it was YOU looking after you…..meaning…even if you weren’t conscious of it….you reached out….not with just the note…..to the other lady you confided in….that you’ve even talked to anybody about it….but even to this site….i repeat you are very brave…amazing….13???….lol
that being said….if you talk to anymore regular counselors or therapists…make sure you ask to speak with a sexual assault therapist….totally different type of help than a regular counselor…..most have a similiar story in their past too….most are feminists and pro woman as well…just saying….they saved my sorry behind when the phychiatrists and psychologists and therapists and counsellors and ministers all threw up their hands….not even kidding….it’s too much for most people to deal with….especially your mother….if she knew it was happening….then she really can’t deal with it….if she didn’t know…she’s probably overwhelmed with guilt if nothing else..
quit talking to your family about it until you get help to do it and only if advised…..trust me…..talking to them now when you are so wounded won’t help….but talk you must….it’s the only thing that helps really….talking and sharing and learning….about how special you are
don’t talk to your friends….unless you know they have had a similiar experience of their own….you are too raw…..too much has happened to you against YOUR WILL baby girl for most people to handle….and your only 13????….man
also….don’t blame those that can’t be there for you…you’re so smart….they, like your brother are dealing with their own shadows and ghosts now…..you don’t need to help them….at least not now….you are the most important person in the world right now….believe it….
and know that i understand that all YOU were probably ever looking for was acceptance, love, attention…..all the things that are hard enough for spoiled single children to get…..let alone one with as many siblings as you…..but that we all crave….that we all want….you are not bad, or wrong, or any other thing of that nature…..you are just human….and an extraordinary one at that….but they have hurt you…..badly….that is not ever your fault….but there is help….i promise….you will be a strong, fierce, compassionate and loving woman one day….but please don’t do what i did….because i was afraid….don’t wait to start fixing what the bastards broke…not you….them….you were and remain innocent
What area of the world are you in….no specific city please….just for time zone purposes….it’s 5:30 in the morning here….but i’ve been waiting….i was worried….i care…and so do MOST of the people here….and the ones that do will protect you from the ones that are not so nice….just make sure they know how old you are….please…..you are very vulnerable right now….you have to trust someone…..i trust you for sure
Long Enough
Don’t want to sing you any more lullabies
I for one don’t want you to go away ever again
Live, Learn, Love, Laugh….yes someday you will laugh again at something other than yourself……have you met Dawg yet….just saying
Amakua (Lori)
Tear Drop…just finished reading all your posts…wow….lot of shit there girl…..but the truth is that i can totally relate to all of it from the smoking…to the abusive older sister….to the expulsions….to the rages….even my dear….the demons….please don’t ever tell anyone that they talk to you….sure fire way to get diagnosed schizophrenic….if the voices do talk to you…..know that they are only voices….and you control them….but i sense they don’t speak….from the outside i mean…
if i had to guess it’s probably around dinner time or later where you are….hope to hear from you real soon…..because of the nature of your issues….would be willing to e-mail with you if you would prefer it….might make it easier if you’re on the other side of the world….if not keep talking here….i’m waiting
Peace
commenting as i’m thinking sorry….but i haven’t slept yet and the sun is coming up here….in case i’m not here when you mediate the comments….just don’t want to forget anything important….especially when you are in crisis….right now
i also don’t want you focussing on anything or anyone but yourself for a while….until you get the proper help that you deserve……when they talk to you about pressing charges or such against anyone…..tell them you would prefer to wait to make that decision until you have had some proper and decent help….you shouldn’t be making any really big decisions right now….other than the decision you have already courageously made….to get help……any one tries to pressure you….start screaming for an advocate…a lawyer….you have the right
when i was 7, a 19 year old man raped and damn near killed me while my older sister giggled outside the door….i know what i’m talking about here….trust me….this is just one of my stories….there are many….i told you….i didn’t get help for a long time….the only thing that saved my life that particular day was a strange skill i had picked up from pitching unholy temper tantrums by the age of 3 and 4….i could hold my breath for up to 10 minutes at a time….and oh yeah….i lost consciousness….that being said….someone else put the bastard in jail….and he hung himself in the cell….and it doesn’t and didn’t make me feel one bit better…..of course because i didn’t tell my story….i didn’t get to confront him either….regrets….this is why i’m telling you to wait to make those decisons until you can reasonably make them…..
as to the issues at school….is this why they are recommending the alternate school??
if so….maybe you should look into it……if and only if it is the type of facility i’m thinking of….it might be a good thing….nobody else there will be perfect either…..might actually be a really good thing….fresh start…etc….but if it is more in line with juvie….i’d say hell no….
btw….i have 2 grown children and a teenage daughter myself…
Peace
I live and Missouri and My City is ST Louis
hello Tear_Drop
please moderate my comments…i’ll wait
sorry i guess you have lol….let me know if you want to talk….don’t care much about what….your choice…..btw isn’t the sun up for you now….it’s just coming up here….i’m in Ontario Canada myself
Yes .
So then talk dear….and i don’t really care about what….whether it’s your pain….the wart on your teacher’s nose….or the beauty of a grain of sand
I for one…know….that you are a hell of a lot more….than what has been done to you….this is hard to express properly with words…hope you understand what i am trying to say….
i care….i’m listening….talk…..just saying….you can talk about anything…you’re very deep…more than a victim…a warrior for sure….and even warriors see beauty now and then….
Ready when you are hun
Lori
just another resource for you….maybe more friendly for your issues….but don’t think i’m going anywhere any time soon….it’s just that sometimes my life gets kookoo too…yesterday for example I had to go looking for my older sister…she’d gone walkabout…tends to disappear without regard for anyone….and even though she was one of my worst childhood abusers….when my mom asks…..i do it….quite often i’m the only one that can find her…..but we’re adults now and i am in a better place….took a long time…but now i can see that she made her choices from her own pain….she’s not the same either….maybe weirder….lol….anyhoo
if ever you need to talk and myself or one of the others you feel comfortable talking to is not here…..i want you to have other resources available to you…
and the truth is the longer you wait to deal with it….the harder and more complicated it becomes….gonna start a post with a favourite poem of mine…..see if you can get me…
There you go
A challenge
Peace
http://www.dancinginthedarkness.com/
tear_Drops
I’m sorry … sorry what happened to you … sorry for how you feel … sorry how those around you are handling it.
no one who has not had it happen to them can understand and when they try, the bumble and fumble with awkward reason, explanations and justifications.
No matter what they say – you did NOT ask for it, you did NOT WANT it. Your trust was betrayed and your innocence was stolen. that said, you must understand that your siblings are also victims – trying to make sense and justify and minimize the guilt they feel for their roles.
your brother – the one who you thought would “understand” – KNOWS that he SHOULD have done something – but he was afraid (not a coward) – he could very well have been abused and/or threatened by your older brother … for example – “if you don’t cover for me and take my side, I’ll KILL you” or maybe blackmailed ‘if you don’t cover for me I’ll tell your friends you are gay”
It doesn’t make it right – and it doesn’t make you “feel” better but sometimes understanding who your older brother has victimized EVERYONE can help you to understand WHY they are failing you – self preservation is a powerful motivator to abandon someone in order to save themselves.
what has happened to you is a travesty and a tragedy – but you MUST not take he blame for it! Understand that you ARE a victim and at the time powerless. But don’t back down from the truth – don’t “change” the events in your head – that will only screw up your values even more.
so many people have failed you – because they are too scared to face the issue – it’s easier for them to look away – I hope you can find someone to talk with to work through your feelings. If anything else, you have found this place where people care and will listen and not judge
dawg
Tear-drop, eventually the abuse fades from your mind.I was molested (hurt) by an older brother too. it has affected me my whole life , but as I said memories fade and you realize you were NOT a willing participant. I’m hurt by your story, but you can survive.warren graham, lancaster, ca 93534
You’re family shouldn’t treat you like that. It’s fucked up. Don’t let them define your life because they are wrong. When I told my friend my roomate tried to rape me, she laughed at me. It’s not funny, and it is a big deal. Stay strong and don’t listen to them. They are all wrong, don’t believe them.
Hi tear_drop …. Feeling bad for you 🙁 but don’t worry . Everything will gonna be alright …if you want any help on any topic just email me on ” aarav.raizyada18@gmail.com” ..feel free to contact …
Tear-drop,
I don’t know what to say be strong, you don’t have to talk to just anybody about it just change the subject, say thanks I rather not talk about anything I’m ok,eventualy things will die down and meanwhile things at home should improve. It’s always rough in the beginning; the less you say to anyone the quicker it disappears, I’m talking about people that don’t need to know that will keep the rumor mill going.