I’ve come to realize that i can’t do this anymore!! i feel lifeless… why live when all u can do is cry and feel bad everyday. even though i hide it around my friends and family.. its getting harder to do…. i can’t go on like this.. i feel like screaming!!
my sister… well she’s just being her normal self.. mean!
today i had to take the city bus home.. it never came so i ended up taking the 45min walk to my house in the freezing cold with only a sweater. i get home at 5 and get under a blanket to warm up. my sister comes though the door and asks why i don’t have the lights on or why the dish washer isn’t unloaded or why the table isn’t set. i tell her i had to walk home and she tells me to stop complaining when i clearly wasn’t… we have an argument then she heads down the stairs yelling “just shut up and go kill yourself!” its not the first time she’s said things about me going to die.. she also doesn’t know that i have tried so when she says that it really hits me hard!
and i write on my self. like who doesn’t. well my mom gets home and get made becuz i write on myself and if i do it again I’m going to get punished… :/ my day was great till 3:30pm.
but anyways.. i miss my bf (ex now) so much. i still cry myself to sleep every night… but not just becuz of that but becuz of everything..
this guy named john likes me.. and I’ve always liked him so this makes me happy becuz he’s the only one who can ever make me really smile. he cares how my day is and when i say bad he wants to know why. he wants to help me. and when i was very depressed a month ago him and my bf were the only 2 who really helped me..
but when i don’t talk to him i feel.. was horrible.. becuz he makes me forget all those things I’m upset about but when we don’t talk thats all i think about. and i know i can’t talk to him 24/7….
finals are next week… I’ve kinda started to study.. but its just so hard to concentrate… i don’t know what to do!!!!!
i don’t want to kill myself.. becuz i made a preemies to people. but can’t someone do it for me? and end my suffering… i don’t really want to die i just want things to get better….
-Morgan
2 comments
I won’t help you kill yourself…but I can tell you don’t really mean that. It sounds like you have a lot of stress coming from both your school, and your home life. I’ve been there before.
You just need to get socially involved and find things to do with your time so you don’t think about things so much. Give it a try; I used to try to exhaust myself so I could just pass out at the end of everyday because I hated thinking to myself at night :/
Thank you. And I will try and get involved. I’m not really a sporty girl though…. And I only have a few friends.. And yah I think I’m stressed. With everything… Thank you for commenting, and thanks for the advice. It means a lot to me.