Seven years ago my husband left me and my one year old daughter. Â He was very verbally abusive and I never realized how much he tore me down. Â Since then it has been one bad relationship (if you can call them that) after another. Â I have been smacked around, forced to have sex, and used just for sex and I stupidly believed that people loved me when in fact they were just using me. Â I don’t think anyone has ever really loved me. Â The only person that has kept me going is my daughter but I am starting to think maybe she is better off without me. Â I am terrified that we are gonna lose our place and I don’t know how I am gonna support her. Â I have run out of options and I honestly think maybe she should go live with her dad. Â He can always give her what I can’t. Â I know she loves me but I just feel like a failure as a mother. Â I am always working and never here for her. Â She cries because she doesn’t see me enough and I can’t do anything to fix it. Â My parents don’t understand, I don’t have any real friends to talk to. Â When I try they tell me to get over it and life is hard but that I should just do something about it. Â Don’t they realize I have been fighting for the last seven years without success? Â I feel like the fight is just getting to be too much and I don’t know how much more I can take. Â I have asked for help because I don’t like feeling this way but nobody listens. Â I am so tired!!!! I feel like I just can’t keep going!!! I have a boyfriend who I thought might be it but then tonight we fought about how he says I am not ready for us to move in because I haven’t gone to court to see if I could move anywhere in the state but yet he also says he isn’t ready for that so why do I have to fight for something he isn’t even ready for? Â I told him that obviously he is looking for a reason to not move in together. Â He says that he will never ask me unless I have done something to have the freedom to move where I want but why should I do that if he isn’t gonna say he wants that? Â I just feel like yet again I am never good enough. Never enough. Â Never gonna have someone truely love me! Â I am so tired of feeling this way and I just want to end it. Â The best part is that everyone always says how happy I always look… if only they knew that I am probably one of the most unhappy people around. Â I just got really good at hiding it cause no one really wants to know that or even really cares. Â I am completely alone and don’t know how to find a way out. Â I feel so trapped!
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You need to work on loving yourself honestly you just want to be loved and why does it have to be someone else loving you? things happen for a reason for us to learn from them and it will keep happening until we learn. Do things for you and your daughter nothing else matters. Have you tried getting help from the government? if the friends you have now dont seem to be working out then find new ones. Don’t be so hard on yourself you don’t deserve it you can be a great successful person things will work out you need to apply yourself and make the best out of life. I hope my words helped in some way
The void of courage is a difficult one to fill. But please keep in mind the life of hardship faced by children in foster care. Your pride and joy will never enjoy the love and care only a mother can provide. I imagine she will not be in custody with her father for very long given his abusive past. Do you really trust such a man with your daughter’s future, safety, and well-being? Please don’t. Don’t you wish to see her graduate from Kindergarten, and maybe one day as a successful woman into the world? She has a bright future ahead of her, and you’re the only one who can mother your little sun.
I wish I was there to console you, but alas, I am trapped in my own bedroom pondering my existence…
hi dear this is ashish from india .well wat can i say but one thing i know by ur post that u are not a looser or unsuccessful . you know why, because u have spend ur seven year with continuous hard work. u lived for ur doughtier and i know u wanna live rest of ur life with and for ur daughter. wat even happened with u it could be lessen for u for learning after that u would be able to make better choices in ur life . now onward u can make very good frnds and u can give a better future to ur girl . if u take any bad decision now wat will happen after u with ur daughter who know. u would not be there with her. so please wake up. and proud of urself that u have spend ur 7 year after so much hard work. and live for ur girl for her happiness and one time will come u will be happy in the same way. and dont think no body love u. love urself . u dont need any body to love u. well i like u lot becose u have spend ur 7 years with for ur girl with so much hard work and i know u will rest of ur life…….always make better decision wat is more right and good for u………
All the answers are in our/your childhood. The way you were raised sets the platform for how you treat yourself and others. It sets up your beliefs, and what you allow and not allow.
The thing is in a really dysfunctional upbringing we learn a lot that goes against our own inner guidance system and we get trained out of it. So…I empathize with your situation, but do you want to change the entire dynamic and get in touch with the real you so as to experience what an actual loving relationship is? It’s a challenge for sure, but doable.
Take care!