I woke up at 5pm on Saturday and haven’t gone to sleep since. At about 7 o’clock I took a shower because that always helps me to fall asleep.I don’t want to make this long so I will spare you the long details of my boring life and why I’m so miserable so to summery it quickly
-I have family problems
-I have no friends
-I have depression
-I just went threw a bad break up
-I feel alone and empty
-I have self atem issues
-I bottle up all my feelings and try not to bother people with my problems
So basically when I came out the shower I was starring at my self in the mirror.I took my razor from its hiding spot and it was like an out of body experiences. I cut myself all over my stomach ,chest,and my legs. I didn’t cut my arms to far down because I don’t want anyone to see it. I stood staring at myself bleeding for about an hour. Then I cleaned up the blood and went to my room. The cuts aren’t deep but there was a lot of blood. I go to therapy once a month but i know if I tell my therapist they will send me away. I don’t know what to do. I just don’t handle emotions well.
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11 comments
First of all, I’m happy you are open enough to tell someone. Another thing is that you know why you do it. Have you spoke to a counselor? Have you asked for help? You know that the pain of all the tramatic things in life are not your fault and you know by hurting yourself it does not take the pain away. So, try doing something positive in life..go workout at a gym or walk everyday. Keep active in the good things in life..don’t worry about the things you cannot change. Do get help and you do have friends..everyone wants you to be here..I’m sorry you feel bad..we all do. I saw a model one day and she was horriably ugly..scarred face..etc. Its not about what you look like on the outside..its how you feel on the inside. Take care of your inner strengths. You are beautiful when you love yourself.
I go to my counselor once a month but I cant tell her because they will send me away.No i don’t like to bother people with my problems it makes me feel annoying and selfish. I used to go to the gym everyday but my mom got sick and cancelled the membership so I don’t go anymore and its way to gross outside to go for walks.I am home schooled so I only have 1 friend and I feel like if I tell her my problems to much she will not be my friend because i will annoy her.I’m not at a point in my life where I know how to love myself.
I understand how you feel. I am 37 and I want to die now
Damn 50 hours… Not bad. You know… on this site you can tell your problems in detail. It is alot easier when you cannot actually see the person on the other side. Many of us are here to help. Even if we are down ourselves, we still want to help because we know what it feels like.
I lost my wife of 18 years and my 3 kids. I work seven days a week and I have nothing at all to show for it. I have no social life and I feel life is for other ppl not me. I feel used and abandoned by the world. Kind of an out cast. I feel i have been pushed from home to home all my life and know one really cares what happens to me. I tried to take pills and as you can tell it didn’t work. I tried to hang myself and someone cut me down so I guess I will find another way. I just can’t live this life anymore. Their is nothing left for me to do here. I’m so alone Jim this life and no one understands how hard it is to function with these horrible feelings.
Why can’t they just make a pill a single one that you can buy at any local pharmacy to do the job. It would be so much better then having to come up with a plan to commit suicide. I don’t let a soul know what I’m doing and they still seem to find me in the nick of time. Why can’t the see how much hurt and pain I’m in. If they knew they would just let me die. It’s like they are amused by my hurt and pain. I just wish they would let me go.
Well I just talked to a friend and they said to run a hose to my camper from my truck exaust and leave my truck running. It sounds promising to me co2 poisoning. Just fall asleep for good. Might try it soon. I want to do some research on it so I will get it right. Can’t afford anymore failed attempts. I can’t take it anymore.
I agree with protoryo …I definitely can get everything out on here..more than I can tell someone else..counsellors listen but they take a slow time getting the answers you seek. You want a solution to major problems that can basically be fixed by yourself or you’re just not sure if the decisions are the right ones because you don’t want to hurt others. Ive told very few people everything about my life. But ive put trust in some, and not wanted to hurt others..I very much can relate. Ive let my guard down on here cause its a way to fight off the sadness I guess.
Mhm… We all have a common bond here. Saddness. Something we can all relate too and confined in each other. It might be hard at first… Even doing on this site, but many do come here to share their stories.
i just did want to write a lot because i didnt think anyone would want to read my boring life story
i think u should let your emotions out tell ur therapist how u feel but u dont have to tell her what u did