Spent New Years Eve completely alone. I have nothing left to live for. I have no real friends, no job, no education, am ugly, have never had a girlfriend and am still a virgin in my mid 20’s. I have never even kissed a girl. Truly pathetic. I have crippling social anxiety and am too scared to even go about seeing a prostitute. I just need to muster up enough energy and courage to go through with my plan and not fuck up and I will never have to endure another moment as myself… I genuinely wish everyone that is here who still have hope have a much better year than the last. You still have a chance. It’s just too late for me…   Brandon 12-17-1985 – 01-01-2012
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Hi Brandon. I know how your feeling mate. your post is the story of my life. Im always here if you wanna talk
Hey, ‘sup.
Don’t you wish every time you go to sleep that that’s it? Please, whatever is out there, never let me wake up again?
And then, hours later, you open your eyes and you just want to curl into a ball and cry and curse and break something because, goddammit, you’re awake. You’re alive. You’re not dead.
Yeah.
Sucks.
Story of our lives dude.
‘Cept I’m a girl and I don’t know where to look for man whores (gigolos? I dun know what they call ’em)
it will get better..u just gotta think positive!! dont give up because once u do you cant go back!!
@Aki – I’ve always found that most men were whores for the asking LOL – as long as they are single and not overly religious – they’ll take whatever s offered …
Just sayin … not tryin to be rude 😉
dawg
is anyone dead!? Im freaking out right now!!!
iono =|
No seriously…Im so scared, someone told me that they were going to die via email…and I couldn’t talk them out of it
dang,, iono.. what can we do? ..
BESIDES FREAKOUT?!
How can email kill someone? interesting … hmmm
dawg
@solitary – I hope you stop freaking out. Basically, whoever told you that… well it wasn’t very nice of them to put you in that position. Nobody needs to feel personally responsible fr anyone’s suicide. Fact is, people kill themselves. That’s what this site is all about. If you are considering it yourself, at least now you know how shitty it makes everyone else feel. Just remember you are not responsible for anyone else’s actions.
@dawg… lol… death by spam! One too many messages telling me my penis is too small, despite being a girl…
I know….but if they’re dead, I am going to kick their zombie ass for doing that.
@solitary – fair trade.
@brandon – you hanging in there?
indeed
Zombie = target practice = Epic WIN! Yay! … now only if I could sleep …
dawg
@brandon… That feels weird because my name is also brandon. Anyway I hope you are not dead. I understand a lot of what you’re going through. I have no real friends and have hadn’t had the share of sex I thought I would being single in my mid 20s. I’ll admit that I don’t know enough about your situation to suggest a concrete reason you should live. It doesn’t mean that you shouldn’t though. I’ve spent the past 2 new years completely alone in my apartment and it sucks. I’m starting to realize that the very fact that we post on here whether we consciously know it or not is a glimmer of self hope. Even if we are seconds away from our suicide we post with the hope that it reaches someone who cares and replies with something to talk us out of it. I didn’t realize that until reading this post and reflecting on my own rants.
spent my new year with just me and the dog (again), yeap
X … maybe you need more dogs 😉
dawg
o yeah? 😉
hope @ I Will Fall that he’s still here though ..
and the other ones as well =|
@X – Yeah 😉 … keeping 4 dogs “safe” from the evil fireworks, I didn’t have time to notice I was alone … be then I wasn’t cuz they were here loving me
dawg
I am still here. I don’t know why, nothing is going to change today or tomorrow for that matter. Exactly as Aki said, I fell asleep and woke up with a churning stomach just thinking of what emptiness my future holds. I want nothing more to be able to take control of the only thing I have control over but I am such a coward that I am afraid of an unknown amount of pain for what will be a guaranteed payoff of never feeling again. I’m even letting my social anxiety, fear of being embarrassed and being judged affect me. I don’t know why I care if my landlord or family finds me in a few days in a pool of my own vomit and wearing an adult diaper but for some reason I still think they will see me for the pathetic being I once was. I suppose I still have about 13 hours or so to commit to my plan before I fail myself once again. and once I commit there can be absolutely no failure, because the mere thought of being caught in an attempt, taken to the hospital, being medicated and numbed while I am analyzed by some smug therapist, and put on watch like some criminal is enough to ensure failure is not an option.
I sincerely appreciate the support and genuine empathy I received from some of you. I can honestly say it helps a lot better than years of bullshit therapy mantra and paying for medication that doctors assume numbs me so much that I wont be aware anymore that I’m a massive waste of life who nobody could ever love.
@dawg 😉
@I Will Fall where are you from?
@x-boy
I suppose a multitude of places in the North East, currently in New Jersey with my family but have been in PA, NY, CT…
My family moved me around a lot when I was younger, thinking it would let me get a fresh start. Until they finally realized this is not an external problem, and unfortunately no matter where I go I drag myself with me. The problem isn’t where I am, it’s who I am.
iono but… from your post you kind of sound like me.. i just want to off myself too. Is there hope for me? I don’t know.. but im about to take that chance to find out… im about to join this village in the northern part of california up in the mountains/wilderness. It’s kind of a sort primitive village with barely any electricity (haha), off-grid away from society, i have cripping social anxiety as well and that is why im going there, hoping to be able to heal my fucked up being (ha) there the way I could not do here (in society). And ultimately im hoping that the people there will reach out there hands to me and take me in… and show me some love haha (that’s what the village claims to be all about; kindness&love haha). I got noboby here where i am,,, i’ve been abandon… no help, no support if i stay here I will die,,,, anyways i dont usually like to share about my personal stuff but … yeah this is my ‘take a chance’ thing.
Im sharing this because,, well maybe that’s something you might be interested in. Some1 mentioned that sort of thing on here and that’s how i got into it, they’re known as Intentional Communities, i’ll give you a link where there’s a list of them (throughout the globe), look around you might find something appealing.
http://directory.ic.org/maps/
hey i left a comment before this one but it’s ‘awaiting moderation’, there’s a link on there i wanted to show you that’s why.