Hey, you will always have someone as long as you come here. What is it you can’t cope with? How can we help you do the things you need to do you make it right?
That even feels better that people actually replied.
I have so many problems I wouldn’t even know where to begin and I don’t mean that to sound all melo dramatic, it’s just true.
What is it about your problems that makes you unable to cope? If you divide them up into manageable parts, maybe we can help you work through them. Everything is manageable with a little help; there is pain and embarrassment in sorting things out, but better that than death.
haha, I like the way you broke melodramatic into two words – melo dramatic. Music.
You might find it therapeutic to try and put your story into words … you may find some answers while doing it … when I feel overwhelmed I try to only focus on the most immediate and critical problem and put the others on the back burner until I’m out of crisis.
I’ll try shorten this or I’ll be here all day and night.
Basically few years ago a relationship ended, then started then ended for three years. He’s my best friend. I still love him and always will. I suffered horrible depression last year and tried to kill myself, I had no one then either. I cried literally day and night for months. I told people and not once was I ever told not to do it. I told my mum I couldn’t stand being alone and she would leave me all the time. I honestly had no one and every single thing I tried went wrong.
So last February I moved to Ireland to try start again. It was amazing.
Then in June something weird started happening, I started feeling really scared for no reason. End up I had to come home, seen my ex, we hung out then as usual he stopped talking to me and he’s now in a new relationship. First one since me.
Anyway now I’ve been suffering with anxiety for about 8 months and please just take my word for this, unless you have suffered you could never even begin to understand how severe an illness anxiety can be. The things I’ve been thinking and feeling I didn’t even know existed before now. I can barely leave the house. I have no one to talk to, I’ve been seeing a psychologist since September and hasn’t made any difference.
Relationship breakup and its aftermath is one of the hardest things to deal with – how can so much love turn to so much pain? And sometimes you feel your pain even surpasses your love because there is so much to fuel it, by coincidence or design.
And unrequited love is a noble concept, however unwelcome. I’ve been there and often comforted myself with the thought ‘I’ve had this person – for a time their body and soul were mine and they gave me some of the brightest and most intense days of my life. I won’t forget it, I’ll live to remember it, I will try to emulate it; and maybe I can do it for someone else.’
I have come to the conclusion that time is the only real healer for this – perhaps healer is the wrong word – time is the reconciler or the broker between your pain and the rest of your life.
The good news is that no-one is *after* you, that you are safe from everyone except yourself. And if you can adjust your thinking to reconciliation and remembrance, time will deal with the pain for you.
I will tell you something else, however much you may not want to hear it – no-one is worth your life, however much you love that person. No-one.
I don’t want to kill myself though. I just cannot handle the pain of being alone.
People say they have ‘no one’ but secretly do have someone, I have no one, nothing.
I’m desperate for a better life, I have so much potential but the freakin anxiety is holding me back. Honestly you couldnt even imagine how awful it is. I hate this. I cant even go a walk.
It’s not good to associate being alone as painful or wrong. Sometimes it’s temporary, sometimes it’s longer than that, sometimes it’s forever. I’ve been alone for years and came to it in agony. Being alone is time to pause, time to gather your resources and strength, time to plan.
Anxiety, yes, that’s hard. But you said you travelled – you’d been to Ireland and went back home. Did you enjoy the travel? Did you enjoy what you did? Anxiety recedes when you do things that make life worth living rather than brooding on things you can’t change.
I’m sorry, and I honestly don’t mean this to sound harsh but please don’t try to give advice one something you don’t know.
I loved being in Ireland, I had a job, I had friends. For the first time since I was 17 I felt some kind of happiness. Then this happened, I didn’t choose to come home. If it was down to me I would never have came back here and I would still be happy over there.
It’s more intense and controlling than anything you could ever imagine.
I’m petrified of my own heartbeat. And I really do mean petrified. I can’t stand the constant beating, it drives me insane. I’m so scared of it and there’s nothing I can do about it, I never get away from it.
Imagine having an incredible fear of spiders, and imagine me attaching one to your hand and having no escape from it. That’s only minor compared to how I feel.
I didn’t say you didn’t know anything about fear and I apologise if that was how you took it. But you did say anxiety was simply ‘hard’ and that
‘Anxiety recedes when you do things that make life worth living rather than brooding on things you can’t change.’
What if you can’t do any of the things you enjoy? What if you can’t work and have to get benefits and can’t afford any of the things you would like to. What if you can’t even go a walk with your music and get lost in your own thoughts because you only have one constant thought and that’s fear, that for some unknown reason you think something is going to happen to you and you never ever ever have anyone to talk to.
You force yourself to do them. I’m forcing myself to stay alive. If I can do that, as much as it terrifies and shames me, then you can do anything.
It’s a step up process. You can’t work now, fine. Pick the easiest thing you can do – listen to music and after a while it becomes music, not background. When you’ve mastered that move onto the next step – combine it with walking… and so on, right up to the point where you can help yourself. You may have to learn how to live your life all over gain. I had to do it once. But what’s the alternative?
Perhaps it’s a measure of where I am that when you said anxiety I heard it as fear, unless you want to split hairs. I know exactly the place you’re at. I have told you it gets better and there are tools to make it better. It’s up to you whether you want to use them.
Sorry if this sounds a little over the top, but I ran out of decaffeinated tea today and my heartbeat is now at palpitation level. 🙁
I love Ireland, my dad was born in Dublin…the 1st time I was there I felt like I was at home. You can skype me if you like softsoul9
Is there a way for you to shift your focus to something simple…like you can remember feeling happy when you were in Ireland…is there a thought or feeling you can conjure so as to give yourself something else to focus on. Take that thought/feeling and milk…literally..focus on it, and focus on it…you will find yourself feeling better. Then find another moment in your life that brought about the same feeling within you.
You know your story better than anyone…everyone has a story and we can tell it to ourselves over and over…it’s still the same story and doesn’t provide any relief…so you/we need to go in a direction where we think of things that allow us to feel good…even if you start at despair…it’s about building bridges to better feeling thoughts…that’s the way….that is the way if you want to help yourself, and you are more than capable. You must practice, practice practice…it can only help…it’s designed to. Msg me if you feel. Take care.
Lonelygirl-
I hope that it is at least comforting to know that you are not alone in your feelings. You may seem completely alone in your personal life, but people in all sorts of situations feel the way you do. It can be frustrating because you may think “if I could change something about my life, I would probably feel differently.” We may not know EXACLTY how you feel, but sometimes it helps to type it out and see aht people are struggling too.
Relationships can definitely put your mental wellbeing in a bad directino which can persist for a while. (I know because I am going through the same right now.) When you have someone you care about, sometimes it can feel like they might save you and make you feel better. But then how can it hurt so much when they turn out to not be that person? I suppose the only option is to try to find another…someday. It might happen when you least expect it. Again, youre not alone in that either…
16 comments
Hey, you will always have someone as long as you come here. What is it you can’t cope with? How can we help you do the things you need to do you make it right?
You do have someone. You have all of us. Just know that you’re not alone. There are people that care. I care.
That even feels better that people actually replied.
I have so many problems I wouldn’t even know where to begin and I don’t mean that to sound all melo dramatic, it’s just true.
What is it about your problems that makes you unable to cope? If you divide them up into manageable parts, maybe we can help you work through them. Everything is manageable with a little help; there is pain and embarrassment in sorting things out, but better that than death.
haha, I like the way you broke melodramatic into two words – melo dramatic. Music.
You might find it therapeutic to try and put your story into words … you may find some answers while doing it … when I feel overwhelmed I try to only focus on the most immediate and critical problem and put the others on the back burner until I’m out of crisis.
Good luck,
step by step dawg
Okay but don’t say I didn’t warn you’s.
I’ll try shorten this or I’ll be here all day and night.
Basically few years ago a relationship ended, then started then ended for three years. He’s my best friend. I still love him and always will. I suffered horrible depression last year and tried to kill myself, I had no one then either. I cried literally day and night for months. I told people and not once was I ever told not to do it. I told my mum I couldn’t stand being alone and she would leave me all the time. I honestly had no one and every single thing I tried went wrong.
So last February I moved to Ireland to try start again. It was amazing.
Then in June something weird started happening, I started feeling really scared for no reason. End up I had to come home, seen my ex, we hung out then as usual he stopped talking to me and he’s now in a new relationship. First one since me.
Anyway now I’ve been suffering with anxiety for about 8 months and please just take my word for this, unless you have suffered you could never even begin to understand how severe an illness anxiety can be. The things I’ve been thinking and feeling I didn’t even know existed before now. I can barely leave the house. I have no one to talk to, I’ve been seeing a psychologist since September and hasn’t made any difference.
I feel incredibly alone and scared.
Relationship breakup and its aftermath is one of the hardest things to deal with – how can so much love turn to so much pain? And sometimes you feel your pain even surpasses your love because there is so much to fuel it, by coincidence or design.
And unrequited love is a noble concept, however unwelcome. I’ve been there and often comforted myself with the thought ‘I’ve had this person – for a time their body and soul were mine and they gave me some of the brightest and most intense days of my life. I won’t forget it, I’ll live to remember it, I will try to emulate it; and maybe I can do it for someone else.’
I have come to the conclusion that time is the only real healer for this – perhaps healer is the wrong word – time is the reconciler or the broker between your pain and the rest of your life.
The good news is that no-one is *after* you, that you are safe from everyone except yourself. And if you can adjust your thinking to reconciliation and remembrance, time will deal with the pain for you.
I will tell you something else, however much you may not want to hear it – no-one is worth your life, however much you love that person. No-one.
” – no-one is worth your life, however much you love that person. No-one.”
Too bad that wasn’t the 11th commandment … it really should be – I can’t agree more or stress this enough.
2nd that dawg
I don’t want to kill myself though. I just cannot handle the pain of being alone.
People say they have ‘no one’ but secretly do have someone, I have no one, nothing.
I’m desperate for a better life, I have so much potential but the freakin anxiety is holding me back. Honestly you couldnt even imagine how awful it is. I hate this. I cant even go a walk.
It’s not good to associate being alone as painful or wrong. Sometimes it’s temporary, sometimes it’s longer than that, sometimes it’s forever. I’ve been alone for years and came to it in agony. Being alone is time to pause, time to gather your resources and strength, time to plan.
Anxiety, yes, that’s hard. But you said you travelled – you’d been to Ireland and went back home. Did you enjoy the travel? Did you enjoy what you did? Anxiety recedes when you do things that make life worth living rather than brooding on things you can’t change.
I’m sorry, and I honestly don’t mean this to sound harsh but please don’t try to give advice one something you don’t know.
I loved being in Ireland, I had a job, I had friends. For the first time since I was 17 I felt some kind of happiness. Then this happened, I didn’t choose to come home. If it was down to me I would never have came back here and I would still be happy over there.
It’s more intense and controlling than anything you could ever imagine.
I’m petrified of my own heartbeat. And I really do mean petrified. I can’t stand the constant beating, it drives me insane. I’m so scared of it and there’s nothing I can do about it, I never get away from it.
Imagine having an incredible fear of spiders, and imagine me attaching one to your hand and having no escape from it. That’s only minor compared to how I feel.
You’re petrified! You obviously haven’t read my post: go read and then tell me I don’t know anything about it:
http://suicideproject.org/2012/01/tired-frightened-honoured/
I didn’t say you didn’t know anything about fear and I apologise if that was how you took it. But you did say anxiety was simply ‘hard’ and that
‘Anxiety recedes when you do things that make life worth living rather than brooding on things you can’t change.’
What if you can’t do any of the things you enjoy? What if you can’t work and have to get benefits and can’t afford any of the things you would like to. What if you can’t even go a walk with your music and get lost in your own thoughts because you only have one constant thought and that’s fear, that for some unknown reason you think something is going to happen to you and you never ever ever have anyone to talk to.
You force yourself to do them. I’m forcing myself to stay alive. If I can do that, as much as it terrifies and shames me, then you can do anything.
It’s a step up process. You can’t work now, fine. Pick the easiest thing you can do – listen to music and after a while it becomes music, not background. When you’ve mastered that move onto the next step – combine it with walking… and so on, right up to the point where you can help yourself. You may have to learn how to live your life all over gain. I had to do it once. But what’s the alternative?
Perhaps it’s a measure of where I am that when you said anxiety I heard it as fear, unless you want to split hairs. I know exactly the place you’re at. I have told you it gets better and there are tools to make it better. It’s up to you whether you want to use them.
Sorry if this sounds a little over the top, but I ran out of decaffeinated tea today and my heartbeat is now at palpitation level. 🙁
I love Ireland, my dad was born in Dublin…the 1st time I was there I felt like I was at home. You can skype me if you like softsoul9
Is there a way for you to shift your focus to something simple…like you can remember feeling happy when you were in Ireland…is there a thought or feeling you can conjure so as to give yourself something else to focus on. Take that thought/feeling and milk…literally..focus on it, and focus on it…you will find yourself feeling better. Then find another moment in your life that brought about the same feeling within you.
You know your story better than anyone…everyone has a story and we can tell it to ourselves over and over…it’s still the same story and doesn’t provide any relief…so you/we need to go in a direction where we think of things that allow us to feel good…even if you start at despair…it’s about building bridges to better feeling thoughts…that’s the way….that is the way if you want to help yourself, and you are more than capable. You must practice, practice practice…it can only help…it’s designed to. Msg me if you feel. Take care.
Lonelygirl-
I hope that it is at least comforting to know that you are not alone in your feelings. You may seem completely alone in your personal life, but people in all sorts of situations feel the way you do. It can be frustrating because you may think “if I could change something about my life, I would probably feel differently.” We may not know EXACLTY how you feel, but sometimes it helps to type it out and see aht people are struggling too.
Relationships can definitely put your mental wellbeing in a bad directino which can persist for a while. (I know because I am going through the same right now.) When you have someone you care about, sometimes it can feel like they might save you and make you feel better. But then how can it hurt so much when they turn out to not be that person? I suppose the only option is to try to find another…someday. It might happen when you least expect it. Again, youre not alone in that either…