Potato chips and chocolates, they keep me going.

Been feeling hella tired lately. I’m always sleepy and it seems like every part of my body is aching. I’m having a hard time getting up every morning, it’s been such a hard task for me to do it. I always woke up around 6am but I get up at 8am, that’s how hard it is for me to ready myself for the start of a new day knowing that it will just be the same. My mind is constantly working, and thinking(negative thoughts mostly). I’m always hungry but all I ever want to eat are potato chips and chocolates, the rest would be like me eating dirt. Must be depression settling in on me again. I’m surrounded by my family, my loud siblings, yet I feel so alone. So empty.

I do all my chores in the slowest pace imaginable. My body is slowing down and I can’t do anything to control it.

I sometimes skip on eating all together, I love that my stomach is empty to avoid the feeling that something inside me is emptier. I pray and beg God every night for me to stop feeling this way or better yet for things to permanently end all together but I know if I’d do that I won’t get a chance have a happy life.

I just hate interacting with other people, I cut off all my connections to every one I know. I permanently deleted my Facebook account and threw away my mobile phone’s sim card so that no one would be able to reach me. Hate it when they’re happy and I know I should be happy but I’m not. Gawd, I want to kill them all. I want them to feel what I’m feeling, the fact that I can’t control my emotions and I seem to destroy every great opportunity that comes my way.

F*cking BPD.