I don’t understand how people can say suicide is selfish. In my case, it wouldn’t be. It’s not about “escaping” my problems. Nope…if I wanted to drown my sorrows I could easily turn to drinking or cutting myself or eating disorders or ….something, anything. I wouldn’t kill myself.
I’m an extremely logical person. The only reason I would end my life is because it’s not practical for me to be alive. Seriously, what’s the point of being alive? I have nothing to contribute to this world full of happiness and beauty and hope. My parents wasted fifteen years of time on me, spending money that could have been spent elsewhere.
I don’t belong in this world. I don’t have the same workings within me that other people have. Sometimes I don’t even think I’m human. How come no one else thinks like me? Is it unreasonable of me to expect that anyone else thinks like me? I have severe social anxiety, and I’ve shown signs of many other psychological disorders. Maybe no one else has the same combination of obscure mental deformities. Maybe I’m just a freak. Do freaks deserve to live? My brain is telling me “no”…because according to national selection, only the strongest people should survive. So, by killing myself, I would be quickening the process of evolution. (..and making the only contribution to the human species that I’ll ever make.)
But I could never kill myself. By observing past life experiences, I’ve come to one conclusion: I will always fail horribly at each and every thing I attempt to do. So, if I were to attempt suicide, I would end up failing and being reprimanded by my family and friends for the rest of my life. And that would be fucking embarrassing.
Therefore, I’m stuck. I can’t stay alive. I can’t die. What CAN I do? Nothing. I’ve been doing nothing for fifteen straight years and I suppose I can continue living this useless, pitiful life for as long as it takes for me to slip into the realm of death, where I need to be.It’s kind of like inertia: an object in motion must stay in motion until something stops it. And until someone stops me, I’m going to keep going.
I guess.
5 comments
Perhaps you should consider who these people are that are claiming suicide is selfish.
If you do not subscribe to that belief then why pay it any attention. Many others agree it is a selfless act. Only the individual knows what’s best for the individual and any projection of judgement by any other party is just that…a projection or a huge assumption that life can be turned into something worth existing for and thus justify and inane belief.
If one wants to transition into the non physical…one will, no exceptions. However all parts of your being (head, heart, and gut) need to be in agreement that, that is the path.
Succeeding or failing has nothing to do with it. You’re attempting things…but not committing to the goal. Focus on your goal, whatever it may be and it will manifest. So perhaps you may consider refraining from looking at your past experiences and attempts and form a new perspective and attitude about yourself and you value and worth. Cultivate good thoughts for yourself. Sounds like you’ve had to live for your family’s approval for quite some time. The only one that counts is YOU, within your own experience and how you feel about things. Make the best decisions for you! You can only think for you anyway. Good luck.
I feel the same thing…
I think its just really difficult for some people to understand who haven’t been here or felt any of this pain
First of all I’d like to point out: No, you’re not a freak. I can relate with you, even though I don’t have any disorders( well not that I’ve ever bothered to actually have a “doctor” figure out ). Also probably not quite as logical as you( I once thought I was, but that seems to be drifting away ).
People are unique, and though I wouldn’t say a lot think logically like you might – there are some who may think along the same lines. But what does it matter how you think, versus how they think? Is it logical to expect everyone to think the same purely based on that they’re human, so they must be alike? I personally think it doesn’t matter, just means you take a different approach to life than others.
Though you may feel like you contribute nothing, doesn’t mean you haven’t. There are small things that we do that we don’t recognize as having an impact, but they do – hell just you existing has impact on people. And if you want to look at this logically, what you’ve lived fifteen years – don’t you think you have PLENTY of more time to contribute something that you think is worthy? You’re in the beginning of life still, you’re not expected to be contributing too much, you’re supposed to just live life.
And I’ll just also say I support what softsoul said – pretty much all of it.
Hang in there, and keep that momentum going. I wish you luck.
don’t expect normal people to understand .. they seem to only care about having fun, making money, fitting in a group, leaving a mark etc
basically, do/experience anything that distracts them from thinking about death
respect for choices/outlooks they don’t understand isn’t one of their strong points