My suicidal thoughts are still here. I’m easily irritated, but at least I stopped choking. Now I smoke weed to take the stress and pain away. I flirt with my cousin hoping she falls for me, which is only a dream…
I go to school, unconsciously shifting through class to class as a monotonous routine. My end feels so distant, yet so close. I want to off myself, but I don’t have the willpower to do it. Fuckin
…
Yeah um sorry bout the anger and rage.
@one_day that electrifying kiss thing was yeah a bit of a thought as true love. Death just seems like the reliable choice for me. No change in that.
I have no motivation to go to school anymore. I just want death, I don’t care anymore. Im hopeless and worthless. Goodnight.
3 comments
Hello RogueShadow,
Question: If Jasmine tells you she is asexual or perhaps a lesbian…then what do you do?
I had a friend in a similiar situation and that is what happened…he was gay…so then what do you do?….well understand why the devotion in the first place…I think you obsess over her because a)she is safe(family)…and you are comfortable with her…b) you know that nothing will ever come of it except angst…again safe. So why do you put all your eggs in the family basket anyway…what has you so scared of other humans? Instead of focusing on what you can’t have…try to figure out what you really want…and then work towards it. Oh yeah…and in some countries it would not be considered incest…it’s not like she’s your sister eh?…I have a cousin who married a cousin…but no kids…not good…so to continue with your dream you would have to give up the possibility of ever having your own children…unless she is atleast a 2nd cousin …but I am sure she is your first yes?…
And the other side of the story…you are causing her problems aren’t you?…because she genuinely does care for you…just not romantically…and is this what we want for the ones that we love?…sometimes love can be selfish…and that is not the kind of love we need or want…so if you love her unconditionally…and I know you do….then make her happy…by working on yourself and becoming the best you that you can be…this is real love…and love of self as well.
If she is aware of your feelings…then saying things like I’m hopeless and worthless….you would be hurting not only yourself with these feelings but her as well. Do you see? Right now you have to focus on you…and when you are ready?…When there’s time for love…who knows?…but even if your feelings were reciprocated….you’re not offering her much bang for her buck…so fix yourself up first. Capiche?
Namaste
Amakua
Heartbreak is not easy to go through but twice is too mich and impossible for me. Also I know she’s at most bi but most likely straight. Ugh this is hard
Hey RogueShadow,
Remember I am 50…lol…go through heartbreak twice…how about a hundred…but I understand the intensity of your current feelings…but please re read my comment…especially the last paragraph…it is the only answer in this situation I am afraid…only positive one anyway.
Namaste
Amakua