I lost my dear sweet son this morning. His body gave out on him sometime during the night. He was depressed, but lately seemed to be doing a bit better. He’d laugh, send me a silly text. Just little things…little things that mean even more to me on this awful day than they did just yesterday. We won’t know for a while what caused his death, but I wanted to express to all out on this website the pain that my baby’s dealth has caused so many. He was only 23, and such a bright, funny guy. He had a heart of gold; which was probably one thing that made life harder for him. Like I said, he was depressed, and he would often visit this site to express his feelings, or try to lift someone else up. You knew him as Protoryu.  And I miss him dearly already. I keep waiting for him to come into the room, but I know he won’t. It snowed here for the first time this winter, we even had quite a bit of thunder with it. It just broke my heart more.  So please, live love and laugh whenever you can. I know in my heart that whatever happened to him during the night, he did not intend for it to happen. I just pray that all of our family members who went before him helped guide him into God’s arms. I pray he is at peace, and whatever burdens he carried are now lifted. Please take of yourself, and remember my sweet Protoryu. He tried so hard to help everyone here that he could.
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omg..i’m sorry…… im so sorry…</3
I know when I go it will devastate my mother…I don`t know if she`ll fully recover. That thought stops me at times! Life is never simple and we would rather lead a full natural life than end it prematurely. I just hope miracles happen & we can be saved, but I know this is unlikely. There are NO easy answers for us.
Thank you tellmewhy. I do appreciate your words.
You are right GaryUK, there are no easy answers. And, I am sure, like me your mother will be devastated. I am numb. Then I cry. Then I am numb again.
He had signed up to be an Organ Donor. They called after my post to verify his wishes could be honored. Someone will else be now have those beautiful blue eyes.
I’m so sorry. I remember seeing his posts and reading them and being like, “Wow. This guy has some amazing skill in helping people. He’s such an inspirational hero with how many lives he must have already saved.” I’m so sorry to hear about his death. May God be with you, your family, and everyone who knew him. I’m sure he’s up there sitting with God now and watching over you like every hero is, with no more pain or worries. If there’s any way I can possibly help you, please feel encouraged to email me at farmerstrong13@hotmail.com. I’m sorry about your loss. God bless you for being strong. I’ll pray for you guys tonight.
Thank you farmerstrong13. He would like to have known he was helping. God bless you too. Thank you for your prayers. I know I will need them.
I am so sorry. My oldest brother was murdered and i saw my mom struggle with that for many years. God bless you all.
Although your words bring so much comfort, they also bring the tears. I love him very much, and believe he felt the same. His brother is taking it hard of course, and his little sister (on his dad’s side) won’t know until she gets back in town tonight. Her mother will break the news. You are correct, he has a right to privacy, but I still thank you for sharing and showing he meant something to you.
It is hard on all of us, and again, I appreciate you heartfelt words. Take care. All the best to you and yours. I know James would appreciate your remembering him.
Im so sorry. Please email me im valentina alone3121@hotmail.com
my comment is waiting for moderation because i wrote my email. please i need to talk to you
He did love you Valentina. He could not wait for you to come here in July.
I’m really sorry to hear. I plan on ending my life, and the only thing holding me back this far is the thought of my mother after I’m gone. Of course you’re distraught and the pain must be tremendous, but do you somehow feel that if he couldn’t bear, that it’s somewhat comforting that his suffering is now over? Of course, now many are suffering around him, but still. What are your thoughts on that? I’m sorry if it’s a rude question. I’m just struggling so much with my own dilemmas, I wish I could understand the other side better.
yes im his friend from chile
i cant take this. i need to what happened please
what happened to him?
i cant be strong
i love him. we loved each other
Valentina. I am so sorry for you to find out this way. I did not have a way to get up with you.
i dont know what to do
i know. im so sorry im bothering you now. but i really love him. i cant belive this is happening
I can believe it either honey. I sent you an email.
i sent one back
he was all i had. he made me want to live
He would still want you to live. This was a horrible accident.
He worked too hard on this site trying to help people. Don’t let that go in vain honey. He loved you…remember that.
i wannna be with him
Qwerty…I thank you for your words and concern for your loved ones. I don’t think this was intentional. He wasn’t down these days. I think that if he did taken something, and we won’t know for some time, it was not to end things. He was doing good in his job, he felt in love, and things were good at home. I believe this was an accident.
On that note though, the ones left behind do suffer no matter what the cause. Take care and stay strong.
No lonely. That does not solve anything. He’ll be with you…in your heart and in your memeories. It must be that way. Two losses will not fix one. Please, go hug your mom and tell her you are hurting. We love our babies so much, we just don’t always know what to say or do. Be patient with us.
he made me so happy
I am so sorry.. I don’t know how it feels to lose a son, but I can only imagine. James was an amazing writer. He inspired me to keep writing. I’ll keep him in my prayers. I am so sorry beyond words I am. May his body lay to rest and his soul up with God. He really is a hero to many of us on here. I hope you recover from this terrible wound. Gosh. Tears4U, I can’t believe this. with him being so young. I am so sorry once again. May be rest in peace. He will always be remembered<3.
he*
no way …
Qwerty…I am numb, then I cry. The child that I carried and then cared for for 23 years is gone. It is confusing, painful, sad, and then again I am numb. I have not eaten today, or do I have a desire to. I have always heard that is how you feel when something like this happens, but I have never gone through this before. If I could change anything in his life I would have done that. I would have died for him. He was my baby boy. So yes, it would really hurt your mom, and everyone else that loves you. Try to hold on. I know that eventhough I believe I have done everything I could to help him through is troubles…I will always feel guilt.
I’m sorry this took so long. People that love him keep stopping by…and I am glad they are.
Thank you Holly. I am glad that his love for his friends here came across. I just wish you all could have known him like I did.
I love him so much.
I am so sorry. I wish I could have known him like you did. Stay strong.. I am so sorry.. If you ever need to talk email me. hollymarie51@rocketmail.com. I’m sorry.
Cheers,
Holly
Again thank you. I will always cherish our time. You also stay strong. Lift anyone you can, anytime you can…that was my baby’s way. Not a mean or cruel bone in his body. Thank you all so much.
May I ask you what his name was?
And do you think it be possible to put up a photo of him on here?
I guess I’m wanting to pay respect; for him ..
his name was James.
I spoke with him on here a couple of times. I am truly sorry for your loss.
I’m sorry for your loss.
I’m really truly sorry…
We’ve all lost a great person…
Really wish I could express more and comfort… Pro was nice and used to read his posts, wish we could’ve talked more…
He called me a cool dude once but we didn’t talk in detail. I dont know what he was going through but sense there were things on his mind he was not prepared to talk about.
I am sorry for your loss. It was a similar story from a mother who had lost her son that changed my perspective. It takes time but your family will need to support each other.
I try to come on this site as often as possible. I have exchanged emails with people but only one of them lives in the UK. I am you’d too and I wouldn’t mind being friends with anyone if it kept them alive. I’m not that weak, I will always stand up for what’s right and I don’t care what happens. I just wish I knew your son.
# young
Looking back through some of the posts yeah it was your son I spoke to. I didnt know much about him at the time.
Thank you Duke. I know he would appreciate your remembering him.
I do not know your son but I wish that I did. He shares the same kind of heart and compassion that more people should. No words I can say will take away the pain you’re feeling but I offer my condulances. If you ever need a person to talk to feel free to email me.
Bless your heart my…thank you so much. I can’t tell you how much it helps me to know others saw what I saw.
Big hearts do not go unnoticed. The power to change someone’s life can come from a simple kind word from a stranger. It is apparent that your son changed people’s lives by this website. It makes my heart sad to see such a wonderful person go 🙁
This is so sad and I am so sorry for you. I could tell from his posts that he was a great guy. It may not be a comfort but he died the way we would all like to go, peacefully and in his sleep. I am sure he is in a better place now. Rest in peace, James.
To all of you here…thank you again. I guess the apple doesn’t fall from the tree, because here I sit trying to pick up where Protoryu left off: trying to heal myself, and hopefully keep others from the same pain.
Please rememeber that all of the people that have responded to my post more likely than not care a great deal about you too. Please take care everyone. God bless you all.
I suppose we never know who we have helped but it is better than knowing the ones we did not.
You all are helping me. Thank you.
You sound exactly like my mum. That’s exactly the way she would describe me. I keep crying every time I read this. I keep reading it.
To tell you the truth, I do too.
It is always sad when the world loses a good man. They are few and far between.
I still think this was an accident. He told me back in September, and I believe it, that if he was ever going to do something, it would not be in this house. He would drive somewhere, take the pills and watch the sun go down. He would never do that where I could possibly be the one to find him. I will believe what he told me until the day I die. He would not have wanted anyone of us to find him.
I think so too.
If you go to the comments section my email should show up if you ever want to talk about anything. I get them on my iPhone.
Lots of love
Rickie
Thank you Rickie. I wish you and your mum well. It meant so much to me when he said I love you, or hugged me. Especially after I found out about his depression. No matter what had happened, he was welcome home. And soon, I’ll bring him home for the last time. I miss my baby so much.
It will be ok
if u need to vent grief we will listen of course, id rather u stay and talk with us than dissapear from us, sorry for ur son,
Pro x
Oh my god, i cant believe he is gone, he talked me out of a dark place once, i will never forget and i will consider Protoryu to be perfect example of the tragedy that is depression. A good hearted person who never hurt anyone and only help others, its a curse someone.
The world is just a little bit darker without the light of his soul.
Im so sorry for your loss. tears4U, i lost my wife and child a few years ago, I would not be here without your sons help.
Goodbye Protoryu, RIP.
this is weird, or is it just me? i only talked with him briefly once yet hearing he’s gone… man it hit me harder than when members of my family died… fuk me. I think this tells u how important and amazing he is, cause he still here for us, and how close this sight is where we all truely care, hope u find peace brother cause u are truely missed
Ama i dont think anyone is getting that vibe from this, seeing her care i mean jesus i know that for myself i honestly couldnt do it to my mam… tears4U u are an insperation x
Thank you Procel
what? it keeps us round for our parents then is it not a good thing???
nd Tears4U dont be too hard on Ama she just worried for u
I am sorry you read it that way. You have not walked my shoes. I have nothing else to say to you. Ever.
cuz now you’re reacting like a trapped animal
Amakua – You are overstepping here. Each person is free to express themselves how they feel and how they need to – everyone else is free to take away what they might – there is plenty that Tears4u has said that clearly show how heartbroken she is – she doesn’t need to prove or act in a certain way because everyone is different
I know you mean well – I truly do – but you can’t presume to know all and then physically meddle in someone else’s affairs
I hope you don’t get angry at me – but please take a step back and realize that you might be compromising a good and grieving person’s insights – be thankful for the openness
tears – you have my condolences – I didn’t really have and interaction with James
dawg
Amakua you need to back off Tears4U, she did a wonderfull and brave thing coming on here and telling us about Protoryu.
Thank you somemuch tear4U, its tough somethimes wondering about people when there gone along time. So thanks for the closier and nice send off. From what he and i talked about on here i know he was a knid and gentle person. Its a tragedy what happened to him, and im sorry for your loss.
Amakua this is no time to argue with her, she is greving, its not your place.
I would ask you Tears4U not to delete your post, I would rather people on know than wonder about there friend, i know i am.
I hope he finds the peace and happiness he wanted.
I hope we all do, one way or another…..
and funny how the other one left while i was busy with this one
Ama u think id be on the fuken planet if it wasnt for what it would have done to my family if i did what i wanted, litterally there the only reason im here, all the storie has done is re afirm that for me,
@Dawg i think u put that beautifully
Thank you Dawg. I would never want someone to end their life. I am sorry if anyone here does not see that.
I think it is best that I leave this site all together. It was bringing me peace to know that my son had many friends here. But know I am afraid I don’t know what on earth is going on. This is not a place to argue. I came here to be with some people that also cared about my son. And execpt for what happened at the end, I am glad I did. I wish I had missed out on the last part…so so sorry that I continued to come back.
can u not see? do u not get it ama? if it was up to me id have this as manditory reading for everyone when they sign up. We all focous on the act, on doing it, on getting the ever sweet embrace of death, it does us (or at least me) good to see beyond the act, see the effect it would have on family, is that just me?
NOTears4U please dont leave! stay here please stay on the sight,ur perspective would do us all good, please
goodbye tears4u…if you are genuine…I apologize…but this is not the message the kids should see imo….maybe a quick post to let us know….maybe a few days or weeks or months down the road…but hours later…you are playing on the computer….i think it is for the best
and please get help my friend….cuz we would really hate to lose you twice
It is getting a bit messy, and it odd, this never really happens!
why the fuk should she leave ama?
And if by some chance you’re wrong? an apology will seem hollow and your credibility will be shot … as a mother, imagine if this was you sharing and someone doubted your words.
if for some reason it is a fake then it will reveal itself
no procel….i would have liked to see more why? and guilt and questioning….this is not a normal reaction for a mother ….so sorry….it really would do serious damage to your mum if you left…for whatever reason….she would not be chatting with the likes of us for 2 days in a row
just ask her if you don’t believe me….i dare you…no i don’t
Amakua
yes it is rather odd isn’t it?
everyone reacts to grief differently ama and its not our place to question. how many people do u think would be on this sight right now if they were going to get questioned at every turn. if talking with people who thought alot of her son is strange then i dont know what the fuk is normal
were usually such a dosile bunch, I hope the harmany can return soon….
has she checked out his posts?….i don’t think so….or we wouldn’t be having this conversation…and if….if …i could bring myself to put a coherent sentence together or maintain any kind of focus….I would have checked that out first and not started my own post and chatted…seriously guys
also….how can they verify his organs for donation when there is as yet no confirmed cause of death…..should I go on….and I can…but this is all just very wrong
And Dawg,
I have no effin’ credibility….or credit either….don’t care
ama we need this wether its true or not what does it matter, altho i believe it to be the truth
I will leave so it can. Again, I am sorry if I did not show my pain in the way that others think they might have.
But I ask that you do not post my son’s full name again. Whether you agree with my handling of my son’s dealth does not matter to me in the least, but if you were a friend of his, you will not post it again. And by the way, it is not in the paper yet because he is donating his organs. And if you who apparently knows everything knew that, then you would know it will not be in the papers until we know when we can hold a service. How dare you!
Lady, I was on this sight back in Sept and Oct following him on it. Under the same name tears4U trying to let him know people cared. He never knew it was me. Apparently neither did you. I love my son, and I have printed every poem and post he has written here and on other sites. How dare you.
Ama is very switched on. I try not to doubt people on this site but the evidence is starting to look overwhelming. If I were defence counsel I would certainly be worried.
well i for one believe u tears, and i thank you for sharing
You witch. You cold hearted witch. How about if I give you the detective’s name? Would that satisfy you? Tell you what, you know the county we are in. Look up the number for the Criminal Investigations Unit. Ask away you sad sad excuse for a human being.
@ tears4U this is your post so you have the power to edit peoples post’s, just click the little blue e next to the date on the post and remove his name. I too do not agree with posting his full name.
Sorry again for your loss, and i hope all this arguing hasnt put you off the site, we are here if you ever want to talk about your son or just vent.
Sorry again, there are no words..
your son posted his name on his site not me…i just copied it and unique is absolutely correct…trash away….
Oh my God. Ok… Detective K. A. Vincent, EnCE, Criminal Investagions Division. You know the area code…here is the rest of his number 796-2740. Call it all you want.
Duke, i warned you….lol….run
why is there a criminal investigation?
I already figured that out unique. Thank you.
Because we could not wake him up yesterday morning. There is always an investagation when there is no obvious answer.
i thought he had already been approved for organ donation?…
without a clear COD?
well i put Tears4U into search comments and what she says about being here for a while checks out nd its probably a criminal investigation cause they hardly think it was natutal causes at his age now do they
OK everybody clearly watches CSI, lets stop this inquision shall we?
and if you were here in and saw his posts….do you know what he called you?
Oh my God. He signed up, they called to verify, and yes, provided that things are OK, they will be able to use his eyes, and everything else that they need. Anytime there is a donor there is a crapload of questions first, then after the autopsy tommorrow they will know everything.
You witch.
true or not true … none of this is helpful to anyone
No, I don’t know what he called me. Why don’t you tell me.
You are right Dawg. l am sorry. I feel like I could explode know.
that is what I thought…and it wasn’t a bad thing either…
u wernt being nice ama. im sorry but more harm has come from the end of this than anything else i have read on this sight, and yes i know i did add to it
What is clear to some, is not always clear to others.
that is why i repeated myself…and asked in different ways…do you now understand what i asked you for in the first place?
would it be out of the question for both of ye to say sorry to eachother? please
im trying Procel
This is not how I wanted my son to be remembered. I am sorry. I say goodbye now. Goodbye to hold my son’s picture, and hold anything else of his I can because he is gone, and will not return. My heart is broken. Period. Like the way I express it or not that is the way it is. I don’t care if you approve.
What does all this mean.
Y’all need to listen to Procel, the wise man
dumb dawg
haha dawg if u could see me now ud see im not wise im sitting down going through half a pack of matches while i watch this shit but thanks bro
Tears4U.
I did not know your son personally but I knew him from this site.
And that little bit convinced me he was an amazing young man.
And I know that no too parents losing children are the same, but as a parent myself who lost a child I understand somewhat.
May your heart strengthen and may his memories lift up your spirit.
yo im sory bout yo son.. i hop ur alright.
Wow I feel so sad right now. I read a lot of his comments on other posts and he gave some really good advice. I hope he is at peace brother.
Amakua2309, since you know everything about my son and my family, check today’s paper. Sorry this tragedy did not play out as you thought it should. I do not think it is wise for them to allow you on this site. You are dangerous. What if I had been close to the edge and not just a mother looking for comfort from the people that tried to help my son and that he tried to help?
I’m so sorry. I had been wondering what happened since that night. Could you email me please??, It would mean so much, please: blushingbirdy@ gmail.com
Blushingbirdy@gmail.com
Tears4u
I don’t know whether you still check the site. I used to be Duke of Marmalade but changed my name because the Duke was nice to people and was kind instead of being dispassionate. Birdy brought this to the top and I noticed it.
It’s hard sometimes being a mum and watching your son suffer. There was nothing you could have done differently that would have changed anything. You had spent time on this site too, probably why it was one of the first places you came.
Most of us on this site have some sort of mental health issue. In the real world I have a professional job. But people always make allowances for my behavior and despite it, I have 2 degrees and achieved the highest average of anybody. In 26 years I have never failed an exam, yet my brain is often frazzled, I drink exorbitant amounts and think about death at least twice a week now.
Nobody is perfect. Sometimes what one person perceives a hostile act, another may take a different view. The inherent condition can also make it difficult to abide by social conventions often causing offence when none was intended.
I am sorry for your loss and your son was a great guy for sure. I would have definitely liked to have known him.
You spoke like a good mother. I knew because I’m 27 and I’m not ashamed to admit it but my mum still calls me her baby. I took what you said as fact first because i am a fool who believes people are honest even though experience has taught me otherwise. However, afterwards there was al part of me who thought about the question. I just never asked it. Lawyers never as a question they do not know the answer. Although, I am abtruse I still have a grip on reality. I find it hard to believe that most of the aforementioned did not have reservations.
Nonetheless, if what I say is accepted words can be polite and free of cost yet those who interpret things differently to normal people are not evil. Just honest fools and some words are spoken from the heart whether right or wrong. Others speak from the mouth. When they care it is uncompromising. I would rather know than pretend, it is far kinder I submit.
You posted days afterwards so I am able to ascertain that you were upset by some things that had been said. I hope that you can forgive any misunderstandings but most of all I hope you and your family stay strong and your pain subsides.
I hope you still check this, James was a really good friend of mine and I miss him dearly. I feel so horrible I have been trying to get in contact with him for the past three (3) months. Even though I am only 14 he has touched me in so many ways. My own mother didn’t take me seriously when I tried to tell her I was feeling suicidal. James took care of me when no one else was listening. Most people thought I was just doing it for attention but I really wasnt, I told him I just wanted to die and he talked me out of it everytime. In fact we exchanged numerous emails back in forth for a month or so before we started talking through our phones. He showed me beautiful poems he had written, and I showed him mine. He told me of his feelings and he listened patiently as I talked on and on about mine. He is truely one of my best friends and always will be.. as I am writing this I am trying to keep myself together, but I am finding it harder and harder to contain myself as I write these words to you. I am praying you will see this, to show you just how much your son has influenced me. I feel so terrible and there is a huge weight on my chest for not realizing what had happened sooner. Your son. YOUR son was a truely amazing man and has helped so many people. He loved you so much, he would always talk about how hard it was growing up but you always helped him. He was selfless in his actions and that is truely remarkable for someone to be able to say they are selfless let alone for so many others to say they are selfless. I guess what i am trying to say in this message is that i looked up to your son, He was and is my best friend. I miss him so much it hurts, sadly the only picture i had of him has been deleted because my phones pictures had been deleted.. but whenever i close my eyes I see his face, his beautiful smile and his dazzling eyes. I hope you are doing well and I would really appreciate it if you send me an email… i would like to personally tell you some things isntead of announcing everything here… thank you so much for bringing such a wonderful boy into this world. he was so proud to have a mother like you. – Gabi (Fang_Tasia@yahoo.com)