feelings are just another word to complain about

I’ve always had that feeling like you wana die. Yeah you ever had that feeling. Well I do everynight of my life. I can be happy depressed or mad I still wana die. I hold a knife in my hand and fall sleep like that what goes through my head the most is…… will I be missed? But my question hasn’t been anwsered yet. Will I? I write in my notes on my phone what I’m feeling everynight this is what it says.
Depression depression drepression depression drepression depression drepressiondepression drepression depression drepression like I can’t hellp. What people see in my eyes is a life better than their what I see in my own eyes is death pain crying depression unhappiness.