I know, only I can make my life better. I know that just wishing and whining will accomplish nothing.
But how is it so hard to actually live by that knowledge, to put it to a good use?
I have always been really shy. People have told me “it’s just a phase” “you’ll grow out of it” and other similar things.
Well, I haven’t. Actually it’s just getting worse as I age. At least in high-school I talked quite lot. Now I spend most of my time crying alone in my apartment.
“So? go out and socialize!” Another thing that people had said to me earlier.
I..I can’t. I have maybe spent too much time alone that I have come to fear other people. Even just visiting shop to buy food can usually be painful, even though around here people hardly even speak.
I spend a lot of time thinking how I could make my life better. How to get out of this downward spiral, but to this point, I have not come up with anything that could work.
I have tried suicide, but unless I could get something deadly like poison, or a gun, I doubt that I can make it work. Guns are almost impossible to get here, and especially for me since I have record for attempting suicide. For poisons I have asked around both here and some other places, not much luck. Of course there is a lot of cleaning products I could try mixing but I have heard the amount of pain you have to endure before they finally kill you…
Is there a point to this post? I don’t know, This place is one of the only places where I get to interact with other people.
I guess the meme Forever-alone is pretty fitting in my case at least.
6 comments
Have you seen a therapist (anyone?) to ‘diagnose’ you? You seem confused. It could help to identify the issue as to why you’re afraid of social contact.
I doubt long periods of solitude is the main cause for your anxiety around people. Look at me – I was alone all my life. Oh, darn.. No comparisons! Sorry.
Somebody, offer assistance.
Hi
I have social anxiety and lots of what you said sounded quite like me. I think depression can make anxiety worse in lots of ways. I’ve heard of medication people take to help with it, though I don’t know what… still, if you could manage to talk to a doctor, you might be offered something. Have you seen a doctor before, or talked to a therapist? I wish so much that I could help you feel better, but I’m in a similar place and I don’t know what to do either. I’m here to talk to though… anytime. 🙂
Hey Serris, do you mind i ask you one question. When was the last time you spoke to someone? And secondly try and force yourself to see a doctor. I don’t like seeing someone trapped within their own home and im sure you dont enjoy likving like this either. Tell your doctor about this. It may be hard- write a letter for him if you have to. I know there are medicines which can calm you down that are enough to be able to talk to other but not socialise as well. Its from there you’ll have to bring your confidence up, and we’ll be here for you when you’re at that stage.
Good Luck
Take Care
Thank you for the replies, I have hard time showing my emotions, but I am grateful. To answer a few: @Shadows I speak to my mother occasionally she is pretty much the only social contact I have. I have been diagnosed, and I am on about 4 different meds right now. I just really don’t see any help from them, and since my doctor said some time ago, “that there is not much else I can do.” I am just running out of ideas. I am 23 today, at 25 It will be really hard to try to get any kind of help anymore. So my time is literally running out.
I don’t know how far I’m going to make it into the future. Maybe a few more years :?? it’s called h2s the knock out drug I’m not giving you a method it’s in article I read, it was about japanese deaths in 2008 students mixed a salt with another household product.
Take baby steps. I know how you feel, about going out and being scared. Just take little baby steps, and you can work this out. Try thinking about going and volunteering somewhere around where you live. Try to plan things to do that will give you a positive feeling, so you can override the overwhelming negative. You can do this; it will take a lot of time, patience, and work from you, but you can live life the way you want to! Also, try therapy. I love it, sometimes you don’t find the right one that you mesh with right away, but you have to keep on trying!