It’s Thursday. Tuesday I felt strong, happy, like I was making some progress. Wednesday I felt like I was unloved. Today, I feel utterly hopeless. I don’t know why I can’t just be okay. I feel like I have been through enough. Why can’t my pain just end? I don’t understand why one day is so great and the next is hell. I wish some one could just come and make everything better.
To quote some lyrics, “I want to come out of the dark but breaking away is so hard. Just show me the way. Show me which way to go. Can’t do this by myself. Don’t know how I should play the cards that I’ve been dealt. Can anybody help? Is anybody listening? Can anybody answer my prayers? Please say yes. Does anybody feel the same? And is there anybody who cares? Life’s unfair!”
I want so hard to be better for my friends, for my family, for myself. But every time I make some kind of progress, something happens that makes all of that progress go away and I just feel drained. I don’t know what to do anymore. I feel like I’m screaming for help but no one can hear me. Which brings up the questions: Is anybody listening?
2 comments
I know what you mean with the whole swings of mood day by day( and sometimes in the middle of the day ). One day(or a couple) you’ll feel fine, the next you’re depressed and angry, etc. I’m not really sure why it is, or have advice to deal with these annoying as hell swings…
Never heard the song( Danity Kane? ). Well I like the lyrics… Life is unfair, and there is no distinct path we have to take. It’s pretty much dependent on you, on your decisions and thoughts. But I would like to think that there are those that care.
I think that’s a good start, that you at least want to be happier for friends and such. But you should want to also be happy for YOU, not just for others. You are important. What sort of things drain you…? What have you tried to cope with these things? (Know what you mean ’bout the screamin’) – have you actually tried reaching out to others and asking for help( in some shape or form )? Have to get people’s attention for them to listen(hopefully). I’m listenin’, and so is SP…
G’luck…sorry I don’t have too much advice for you :/
If you feel you can think more positively and work towards recovery then you should attempt to kick start the healing process with medication. You have an illness and the chemical imbalance in your body is causing the swings. Get this under control by giving yourself some breathing space from the mood swings, then work towards acheiving small goals every day. If you feel you can’t do it then talk to someone close and see their reaction and offer of help.
You have a big heart with lots of love to give, don’t take that away from this horrible world….humanity needs all the help it can get.