hi so this is my frist time posting somthing…u have no idea how relieved i am to realize im not the only one :)…this week just well sucked is the only pg word i can think of. I love drama, random fact. Not the dumb guy high school crap drama but threater being on stage being able to be someone else if only for a second. It was my escape my happy place. Im a senior and i was in drama my freshman and sophmore yr…then ididnt get into 3rd yr..our final was our play, ironicly i played a dead woman(of natural causes). 3 people cried during my play igot flowers from people i didnt even know! But since only 2 members of my famly showed up and other kids brought in much more revinue i was not execpted into the next yr. I was already depressed though my family didnt and doesnt see it but that just took away the only thing that let me escape that let me be free. My safe haven. The last 2yrs its gotten worse my self esteem is not existant i have 2 friends who dont understand and my only chance of leaving this awful city just got flushed away( college but my grades have drop low..i just dont really care anymore) So on tuesday when i saw that drama was allowing people who werent in the class to try out 4 the last play of the yr i auditioned. Only to go in friday morning and see my name isnt onthe list. Worst part..he knew. He KNEW how much i needed the freedom the escape because i hinted many times in his class how i needed help how much this meant to me. I ran and cried in the bathroom when i saw the lack ofmy name and a girl i sort of know walks in ‘its a PLAY get over it its not big enough to get worked up about.’ was her kind advice. But it was all i had my last chance to escape. Fast forward to today my mom yells at me because she walked into to my room to see me crying in front if the mirror (something that ive been doing allot latly no clue why) ‘Seriously stop trying to get attention! Crying infront of a mirror? What the f*** is wrong with you?” was her motherly wisdom. Whats wrong with me? I dont know. I feel like crying all the time. I cry myself to sleep practicaly
every night since i was 13. Ive written 4 suicide notes in the past yr. But it doesnt matter cuz it not that big of a deal i just need to get over it and stop looking 4 attention. Im sorry i didnt mean for this to be so long but i just needed to vent. It feel so good not to be alone in this…but i still wish it would go away, wish would stop.
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You gotta straight forwardly tell them ur depressed or else ur screwed.
Dont worry i vent on here as well. We have much in common. I guess i search for attention through suicide notes yet i always try not to be attention whore in a way
Your post really struck a chord with me. I remember crying every night and it started around 13 for me too. I thought it was normal. It’s not. This isn’t something you “just get over.” If only it were that easy. I started doing risky things just to feel alive, just to get away from the depression. I had suicidal thoughts but didn’t really want to die. I just wanted the terrible pain and darkness to go away. My family thought I was crazy. My parents were scared of my actions. My sister resented me for getting “all of the attention.” I finally talked to the right person and he recommended I try a prescription. It has changed my world. I’m all grown up, married, I have two little girls and I’m happy. I actually enjoy my life now. I never, NEVER thought I would. This isn’t your fault. It is a part of you that you need to learn to understand and take care of. It is okay. It is never too late to start over. Maybe it won’t happen in high school. Every life is different. I’m sorry that girl said what she did in the bathroom. That audition was a big deal for you. She didn’t know that. Maybe she has her own problems and didn’t have a kind word to spare. It is so hard when your parents don’t get it. We look to them for unconditional love and when you don’t get it – well that just sucks. Understanding depression is so important to me because I have two girls. Some day they will grow up and be teenagers and it might happen to them. I will be ready. Are there other options in your town for theater? I know we do around here. Another option for this outlet? It is good that you have found something positive that helps you to cope. Have faith that there will be light at the end of the tunnel. You just have to keep trying to find it. 🙂 And you are never alone.
Hey I love drama (class)to!I only had It one semester and I didn’t qet to act It out on staqe but It was still the best class.I don’t think cryinq In front of a mirror Is askinq for attention.I don’t know what to think of that tho.Hey can I have your email?