When I was born, my parents had me in America. I learned English as a primary language, however, my family knows Spanish as their primary language. We’ve tried becoming bilingual but there is and always will be some kind of barrier that seperates me from them. This caused a ripple affect in my life.
Maybe it was the fact that I couldn’t talk to my parents, I really can not tell. I just know that I feel alone at times because of my language barrier. Anyways, I’m currently 17 going on 18, but I feel like because I had to raise myself that I act 10 years older than I am. This seperated me from the kids at school, I became a misfit. I tried everything in the rule book to make friends but I never really made one. So I came to terms that I would stay alone and I convinced myself Â that I would be better for it. I was ten years old and I’m still telling myself that. Going through High School without any friends is horrifying. I sit alone at lunch, I work by myself at projects, and I never really talk to anyone. Then I found out that my mother had a tumor in her kidney and had only two years to live.Â My mom knew about the tumor for about six months, but never told me because she wanted to protect me, but I believe it was because she actually didn’t know how to tell me, she doesn’t completely know me.
Over time I felt like I wasn’t needed, like I have absolutely no significance in the world. This feeling continued for several months. So, when everyone was sleeping, I went to the kitchen and grabbed a knife, and I tried to stab myself, but I couldn’t. I tried several times in several places, but I could never go through with it. I couldn’t bare thinking about my mother seeing me like that. So that’s what I stuck with. If I wasn’t staying alive for me, then I will stay alive for her. It is wrong to take your life when others are cursed with life threatening diseases. I’m keeping things together so far, but I do not know how much longer I can keep dealing with all these emotions. And I’m afraid of the next time a suicidal thought comes along.
Anyways, that’s my story in a simplified three paragraphs, I guess…