I’m 32 years old. I have a good job and an even better spouse. I have thought about suicide everyday since I was about 6 years old. I have been sexually abused and raped. These things are far in the past. However, I HATE it when people blow smoke up each other’s butts all day and ignore any real feelings. I hate facebook because 1)I can’t stop 2) it has ruined my relationship with family members. I don’t feel like trying anymore and I certainly can NOT take another goddamn therapist or psychiatrist. I always feel WORSE after meeting with them because they say the same tired BS over and over…Here, take some pills, go exercise, draw a picture of your feelings… I’ve taken the pills, I work out like a fuckin ox and I’m too good of an artist for them to do anything but congratulate me on my talent. I’m SO sick of being alive and trying to fit in to a society that constantly tells me I’m wrong.In my teens and twenties I tried so hard to change those systems, but now I realize here’s no changing anything. People are assholes. The worst ones are in charge and they always will be. I’m tired. I’m sick of pretending and I wish a fuckin asteroid would hit my house right now so I don’t have to worry about it anymore.
4 comments
Here, here about the asteroid- that part made me laugh, and the rest is all true too!
you need a drink, damn. (slides you bourbon)
Hello OldHabits,
In case you come back…..I can relate….but I am 50….in my early 30’s I was pretty much the same place…good jobs…no money worries…not major health issues….good kids…everyone is happy….and all I wanted to do was die. I have seen 4 psychiatrists…a handful of psychologists and even a psychometrist…lol…as well as dozens of therapists and counsellors….and the only thing that helped was the counselling I received at the Sexual Assault Center. Find a sexual assault counsellor in your area….reclaim your innocence…it was stolen….and what they left can sometimes be bitter….but your innocence and joy in living are still there….rediscover them…please
Sound like the hate for the cruel greedy gross f’d up rapists & all those who were not there to make sure it didn’t happen etc is spilling all over the excellent parts of your life and like an astroid will do some damage if not broken into bits and dispersed into oblivion – hopefully somewhat here
and like Amakua says too.
song…sunny came home (with a vengence) by Shawn Colvin reminds me of your astroid.
‘Days go by I’m hypnotized
I’m walking on a wire
I close my eyes and fly out of my mind
Into the fire
Light the sky and hold on tight
The world is burning down
She’s out there on her own and she’s alright
Sunny came home
Sunny came home…’