PRAY

i feel him crawling inside, crawling inside my mind and body

what is he trying to find, i feel so ugly

screaming inside no words leave my lips

no! no never! my body he grips

it doesn’t count if you don’t say it

im crying now, it hurts

i want to tell him “go eat shit”

but my mouth still speaks no words

 

he keeps trying to give me something,

but its something i dont want

he says that it dont mean a thing

and makes me taste my ****.

oh Jesus, God where is it now? wheres the blessed light?

im sure that i could maybe,so why dont i put up a fight?

 

so high, so drunk, so stupid

who the fuck decided this?

what a sick way to lose ones virginity,

but i okay’d  a kiss?

he says that this means nothing

yet again and yet again

he says that he’s so super drunk

but he still wont tell his friends

LIE!

 

at last he says he has to leave

oh thank You, thank You God

as soon as he is gone, i lie upon my sheetless bed

alone at last with only my mind

in a sick and dangerous state

i scream myself to sleep, waking to a silent house

evidence of the crime scene, never want to sleep again

comatose comes later, debilitated and depressed

lies! all lies! you hypocrite

you fornicating whore

depressed although i know you’ve been

how could you give him more?

 

not close to what it should have been

you’ve never been on a real date

you never liked him to begin with.

finally a fuckup good enough to seal your  fate

 

everything is wrong now just so void of beauty

nothing no not one thing is just as it should be

all the air leaves my lungs converted in to wordless noise

what did i let him do?

my soul becomes a void

 

i desperately try not to close my eyes

because when i do, i still feel him  inside

between my legs all over me, where i wish he’d never touched

too late change, to go back now, can’t feel any rush.

 

how pathetic is it, that i can do better alone?!

i can still hear his voice in my head though, his deep and friendly tone

why did i, how could i, what did i do this time?

never ever ever again will i be close to okay

… like im forced to mime.

 

even in this moment now he’s never through with me.

touching me, grabbing me JUST LET ME GO can’t you just let me die slowly in peace?

 

trying so hard to just let myself go, trying so hard to move past

dear God i know you can hear me

take me to Your home at last

 

i feel my mind pulling me down, pulling me down

can i not hide from you still?

hear in the darkness alone with myself

no one to witness this kill!

 

fill me oh Jesus i long for Your life!

help my poor mind to find peace

help me oh cleanse me Lord put this to right

or daemons upon me shall feast!

 

GIVE RELEASE!