For years, I’ve felt helplessly depressed. But through it all I had some mysterious and sometimes unwanted glimmer of hope keeping me moving on. I waited in my solitary shell for something to destroy the barrier I’ve built around myself and take me into a life worth living. I watched the world go by, knowing that I’ll never be like the beautiful people, the successful people. But that voice in my head kept telling me that there’s still hope for me. I hoped, and still do, to grow old and look back to say: “I’m proud of who I am”. But that voice that kept […]
Voice In My Head
Being happy occasionally is starting to be a part of my life. It’s hard to think last month I ended up in hospital after trying to kill myself. I overdosed on Paracetamol. It was incredibly painful and didn’t work. My little brother saw me in hospital. I wonder how he feels. I didn’t want him to be there. My dad brought him down. My mother and father are splitting up. I worry about my brother a lot. I broke up with my boyfriend who I had almost been dating a year. Now I’m scared to have another one again. I have some amazing […]
I’ve not always concealed my emotions. But ‘Never ever would I be caught in a vulnerable state again’, that was my promise to myself, that is my promise to myself. But I find that my promise is causing an unhealthy balance of sadness and the want and need of escape. Â Holding everything inside is causing random explosions of emotion and confusion as to which causes me to question everything. Even the stable facts that I already know the truth about. The world in my eyes quaking and the Â voice in my head screaming/ yelling. Â I distance myself. Pull my heart out from within and lose […]
i started hallucinating about 4 days ago. Â i also have a voice in my head. i fight with it a lot. it tells me everything it hates about me, about how i don’t deserve to be happy no matter how much i wish i was.. and it hurts. i used to say those things to myself, and now a part of me got cut off and just lives in my head. i’ll have a good time with my friends, and it will tell me not to smile because my smile is ugly. i’ll put makeup on and it will tell me nothing can fix my […]
well here i am, high sitting here alone. thinking. thinking about the status of my marriage, thinking about life and death. thinking can life really get better for me after all these years? you said that you weren’t going to give up. i assume you were implying i shouldn’t either. that of course depends on who wins the ongoing battle in my head. the rational me knows that killing myself isn’t right. but that isn’t the problem. its the pro-death voice in my head who has been the chatty one these last few months. she knows which buttons to push. she increasingly doesn’t care about […]
So it’s been a while since I’ve posted… Hope everyone’s surviving. Overall, I’ve been ok. Since my last post, I’ve been in therapy to attempt to put an end to my cutting. I had been clean for 3 months. A few days ago I cut for no reason, absolutely none. I just made up my mind and did it. Since then, I decided to ask for an antidepressant and my therapist was all for it.
She said it will be easier to listen to the rational voice in my head, I really hope she’s right. Living has been an absolute struggle. I want to be ok, […]
having these strange “visions” popping up in my head. i see myself floating face down in the river. i see myself with a gun shot wound. i see myself at my funeral. all of these images are just coming in it seems at random. i am not consciously thinking about suicide. but apparently some part of me is. the interesting part is that i am not afraid of these thoughts. i am not upset by them. they are just there. potential outcomes. seems odd that these thoughts have become mundane almost. nothing new under the sun. so what, who cares?Â maybe i am just becoming […]
I have dealt with chronic depression and severe anxiety for years.Â I also have two neurological conditions, fibromyalgia and narcolepsy which give me horrible pain when I’m awake and horrible nightmares when I’m asleep.Â I feel very alone and there’s a voice in my head who says that it’s not worth it.Â I have pain pills in my bathroom and I know a handful of them would make all the problems go away, but I don’t take them.Â My mom lost two out of seven kids plus her husband and I don’t think she would take me dying well.Â I am not living for me […]
I am 17 in the evelenth grade, I have a 2.66gpa rigth now and after taking studying for the act… I got a 19…. I am not the smartest kids… In fact I come clost to down rigth dumb….I procrastinate aLot ….sleeping takes up Lot of time..but sleep is the only thing that keep me from thinking and crying…..but lately I can’t sleep I just cry and think all nigth… It’s making me dizzy in the Morring….
I find life to be joy less …. I am going to circles…. Friendship is pointless even for the few friends I do have… Even to my best friend… […]
It can always be worse, I mean I could not have legs or something. But the idea of outward problems that can easily be identified seems so much Better than what I suffer with. It’s those little inward things, that eat you out slowly, dying on the inside, dominated by things that shouldn’t own me. I’ve attempted suicide, I’ve drank too much took too many pills. I’ve hurt myself just to feel something, and speaking from experience it doesn’t work. Whatever’s on the other side has to be better than what’s going on for me over here. I can honestly say that I don’t have […]
YOU ARE A MISTAKE!!!
YOU ARE A MISTAKE!!
YOU ARE A FAT, STUPID, UGLY GIRL!!
WHY ARE YOU STILL ALIVE IN GODS NAME??
THE WORLD WOULD BE BETTER WITHOUT YOU, FUCKING *****!!
The voice in my head. That evil devil. That little devil that’s inside me, that’s part of me. It won’t go away, it’s so much stronger than me. She tells me what to do and what not to do, she let me think evil things. It may ound like she is a little monster and yes, she is, but she is also the thing that makes me feel safer, better and […]
I didnâ€™t always live in a nightmare. I didnâ€™t always have conversations with the voice in my head. I wasnâ€™t always watched by disembodied shadows. I didnâ€™t always hear tortured screams and maniacal laughter or my name in empty rooms. I used to be â€œhappyâ€. â€œHappyâ€ is an illusion created to hide all the pain, madness and fear. It was never real. But I used to experience that bliss, â€œIgnorance is bliss,â€ they say. That bliss is gone. I used to smile and laugh all the time. I used to think, or be thoughtful. Before the clouds, and locks. Before the black fog that covers […]
I tried to kill myself on halloween, vodka and sleeping pills, the cowards way out right, i was rushed to the hospital then a psych ward. My outlook changed, my close brush with death maybe. its been a week since i lost my friend in a car accident, i heard about it 3 days after, im losing it, why did she deserve to die, i dont want to die but the voice in my head that left after halloween is back, i was going to spend my winter break with her now im going to be visting a funeral, i think its time to switch […]
Ever since theÂ incidentÂ a week ago IÂ haven’tÂ been normal. My dad got mad at me today for no reason. He broke a plate, I was so scared that he was going to hurt me…again…I know I need to get out but I have no where to go.
I made a break through though, at the time of his freak out I was video chatting with some friends and I told them what he did. The little voice in my head was wrong, they didn’t judge me or anything. I felt better afterwards.
School is the only place I truly feel safe, I love it there…
I feel sick to my stomach. Maybe it was lack of nutrition, most likely not the alcohol. I don’t know. I will try to avoid text slang as I am accommodated to it. My life has desensitized me, I guess. I just picked that word up from a previous post. I believe I might be insane but how can I be sure. I have begun wearing a “happy” mask at my new school as its the last year of high school, so why not keep everyone out of the loop of my insanity and depression.
Yesterday, my happy place was destroyed (the imaginary place in my […]
I’ve no idea when this started, but I’ve been getting this dominant voice in my head. I’ve thought over it while it was gone, and I’ve realized that I’ve named it. Her name is Belle. Belle is someone who wants to ‘drive me out’ and take over my body for herself. I thought about this long and hard about how long ‘Belle’ has been around. If I really think about it, she’s been around since I was in about third grade. Third grade was when I was really treated as an outcast. So I’m guessing that Belle is an imaginary friend… that never went away […]
I honestly have no idea how I am, who I am or what I’m doing. It’s difficult to have your whole family think you’re an attention seeker because you cut yourself and because you’re depressed and were suicidal. It hurts so much to let people you care about so much down. I hate myself more then anything ever. It’s so hard. When I say it’s so hard I hate myself more for being so weak and pathetic. I’m 16. I have grown up bullied, hit and at one point I was sexually assaulted which I very rarely talk about. I have a boyfriend now, his […]
‘Well, I know the feeling,
Of finding yourself stuck out on the ledge,
And there ain’t no healing,
From cutting yourself with the jagged edge,
I’m telling you that, it’s never that bad,
Take it from someone who’s been where you’re at.’
Damn, I love Nickelback.
Anyways. Feeling depressed :I and obviously suicidal.
Did i tell you guys about the day before my birthday? Well, I didn’t really know much about Daniel then, I just knew that I had a voice in my head that was driving me crazy. For some reason I thought I could release the voice inside my head by scratching at my hand until […]
I am responsible for how I treat my body. I can choose NOT to self-injure. Then are other ways to feel safe.
Have you ever felt the need to slit your wrists, to let all the feelings of guilt and depression out and then sew yourself up just to feel happy again?
I just want to be free.
I’m just trying to keep it together.
Sometimes, I look for scars on peoples wrists. Maybe we could be alike.
Don’t think. Don’t fucking think, because when you think you realise how fucked up everything really is. You realise you don’t know how you got where you are, you don’t know where […]
Latest news from me.Â
Sumer the Moron
Sumer is back and I wish I could visit him and rip his arms and tongue out. Posting nudes on a site to help alleviate peoples problems caused by rape, abuse, and many other mishaps of life. That’s messed up. I just wonder, is it true that he’s insane? He’s smart, but also stupid. He’s a troll and an idiot. Even I’m not that far gone. I understand his mistrust of America, but attacking the weak? That’s just shitty man. We go here to cope, not to learn about washing machines and nudist colonies. (sad to say, I had “researched” […]