ugly thoughts.

The thoughts are comming back again stronger than ever. I’ve been crying more and more lately. I didnt even go to school today because im thinking about doing it. I just dont see the point of living anymore. Things are getting worse for me. Im just tired of everyone being so mean to me for no reason. Last week this boy cussed me out on facebook for no reason! Then yesterday he said i look like a man, and that im ugly. I haven’t done nothing to him at all. I don’t understand. And i cant even go in the cafeteria without everyone talking about me. All i did was sit down and a whole table turned around and looked at me like i did something wrong. When i walk down the hallways groups of people stare and talk about me. People call me stuck up and snotty, but im not, im just to scared and shy to talk and look at certain people. I told my mom and she says “well if you stop talking about other people, then no one will talk about you.” I dont even talk about other people because Im to insecure about myself. I’ve been bullied since middle school and been trying to cover up How depressed i am since then. When you get called ugly and five head since 6th grade, you get depressed. Im so ugly that i never even had a boyfriend and my first kiss yet and im 18. Im just tired of being used all the time. I don’t tell no one how i feel because they’d all think i want attention. and i dont. I’ve been rejected all my life. Its my senior year and its just the worse, i honestly don’t think ill get any prettier. this girl who’s gay told me that im ugly, out of a 10 she’d give me a 2, that God didn’t bless everyone with good looks. they say life usnt about looks, but they lied. i get treated like shit everyday, just because the way i look. I can tell you how many times i’ve been called pretty (twice) or how many times a guy gave me a hug, (once, on my birthday). I hate myself so much. I want to talk to my counselor, and if that doesnt help, then im dead. Nothing will stop me.