I have a friend.
Well, yeah, I guess you could call her a friend. Her name is Margie, or at least that is what I’ve always called her.
The first time I met her she was nice. I liked her. Even had a crush on her for a period of time.
She was my freshman homecoming date, but only as friends.
We went to a football game a few weeks after that. Her and two other friends of ours.
She smoked weed. But I didn’t know that until we were in the forest behind the bleachers with a group of people, passing around a bowl.
I think it was a bowl. It certainly wasn’t a joint, but people were getting high.
Margie disappears sometimes. Not like a super hero with invisibility, or a little kid in a grocery store. She is just gone. You can ask her parents where she is, but they wont tell you.
I know where she goes.
She goes to rehab. You know, the place with the people in white uniforms and shots that put you to sleep when you’ve been bad.
I’ve never been to a place like that, but I know people who do.
She got expelled, you know. From the public school district. She goes to some alternative school now.
Well, she’s not there today.
She’s in rehab.
again.
Margie is a nice girl. She doesn’t deserve this. She’s addicted to so many different things.
- Heroin
- cocaine
- weed
- tripple C’s
- acid
- vicodin
Things I didn’t even know existed. Things I had to google. Things that messed with her mind. She’s different now. She had bi-polar because of the drugs.
She was clean for so long, I was so sad to hear that she was disappearing again. Going away from me, and who knew when she would come back.
She thought I would be mad. How could I be mad? It wasn’t her fault, she was just unlucky.
Her boyfriend died, you know. The boy who took her virginity. He was found in a park one morning, just lying there, not breathing. That wasn’t what made her start again, I don’t know what did.
“Please don’t be mad” she sent me over IM one day. I sighed.“I could never be mad at you, Margie”“Are you sure”“Promise. Have I ever yelled at you?”“No. I just don’t want you or Nikki, or Morgan to be mad at me. I feel horrible about it”“I’m not mad at you. I’m here for you whatever you decide to do”
I cried that night. I didn’t know what to do. This was the third or fourth time I had seen her start again. It seemed like nothing would make her stop. Maybe nothing will. I just don’t want her to be one of those unrecognizable bodies found in an alley with blood smeared on their face and dark blue bags under their eyes.
“Hey” It had been weeks since we had talked, I was scared.“Hey. whats up?” my fingers tingled with fear as I typed the words and hit the ‘send’ button.“Do you listen to Mariana’s Trench?” Oh, it was just about music, no big deal. But then I remembered that music is what saved my life. Music is a powerful thing, one of the most powerful things I had ever experienced.“Would you be mad if I sad no?” There was a pause. She never took this long to respond. Was she alright? or had she just forgotten about me.“No. Just wondering”“Why?” She changed the subject.“You know they are my favorite band. I’m getting a tattoo of their lyrics on my thigh. It means a lot to me” She was going to do it illegally, thats just how she does everything. Besides, she was only 16. You can’t get a tattoo where we live unless you’re 18, parent permission or not.“Are you going to be doing it safe?”“Of course”“Where at”“My friends house” Friends houses aren’t safe.“Is he a professional? Where does he work?”“Well, he’s going to start working at his uncles shop. He’s real pro, you should see his work. Great guy”“As long as everything is clean. I don’t want you getting HIV, or having it get infected or anything.”“Don’t worry, hun. It will be fine”“I just want you alright. Okay?”“Okay”“When are you getting it done?” I needed to keep an eye on her, because nobody else would. My other friends have kind of abandoned her and her parents have stopped trying.“After I get out of rehab” It hit me like a brick. Again? She was a Sophomore in high school and had been in rehab more times than I had fingers and toes.“When are you leaving?” Was all I could think of to say. I didn’t want her to think I was anything I wasn’t.“are you mad?”“No Margie, I could never be mad at you.”“Alright. Well. I have to go”
And that was the truth. I wasn’t mad at her. I have only been mad at her once, but she didn’t even know it when I was. At least I don’t think she knew it. I felt bad for her, she was a good person deep down, she really was. She was just, unlucky. Thats how Id describe it. Unlucky. Really god dam unlucky. And there is nothing I can do about any of it. I couldn’t stop her from hanging out with whoever showed her to all of these drugs. I couldn’t stop the man who killed her boyfriend. I couldn’t do anything but support her. It’s what she needed. No matter what she says she doesn’t have any true friends. Not even me.
True friends would do anything for that person, no matter what. I had hidden from her, ignored her, lied to her, all because my friends had shunned her. I didn’t want to, I just didn’t know what else to do. It wasn’t until recently that we started talking again, that I didn’t push her away when she started to talk to me. It wasn’t until she showed me this video she made, that really opened my eyes to who she really was and made me want to be her friend any more. I wanted to be her friend because she needed a friend.
Margie disappeared nearly a month ago. I haven’t seen or heard of her. I don’t know which rehab place she’s at. I don’t know her house number, so I can’t ask her parents.
Maybe she’s dead.
Or pregnant.
Maybe she’s not even in the country any more.
I wouldn’t put it past her.
Maybe nobody knows because people are hiding, making sure that nobody figures out. Maybe I’m just blowing all of this out of proportion. Maybe she’s in rehab, playing with the safety scissors under close watch of the people in white.
But wherever you are, if you are anywhere. Please remember me, your ‘friend’. I love you Margie, as much as I possibly can. And I hope your safe, in every meaning that can have. But most of all, be what I have never been.
Stay Strong <3