So today was a disaster. Â And it’s only starting. I was supposed to see my doctor today. Â And as much as I have been dreading it, today, when I didn’t have it, I realized just how much I had been relying on it. Â Just trying to hold on until there was help. Â But there isn’t any. Â I cried and cried. Â I missed the train. Â I had cut myself in the train station bathroom. Â Then while I was waiting for the train I felt the blood moving down my leg and realized I had to do something to stop it or else I was going to be in a very uncomfortable situation. Â Once I finished cleaning up the train had just left. Â I tried the bus but I missed that too because I was on the wrong side of the road. Â I don’t know how I am going to get through this weekend. Â I had no idea until now how much I needed that appointment today.