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I can’t….

by rawrimaturtle..
written by rawrimaturtle..

I can’t keep this up anymore. It’s been a month and a half. And I need to cut! But if my mom sees I’ll be dead for sure.. I need to feel the blade sink into my skin and see the blood come out of the cut…

-Morgan….RawrImaTurtle….

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11 comments

distant.road 3/20/2012 - 7:19 pm

Hi Morgan – Things sound challenging for you at the moment… Try to be strong while the impulse passes… You can do it! What’s going on?

catbombs 3/20/2012 - 7:19 pm

I know EXACTLY what you mean… about the sudden rush of relief you may feel when you slice… BUT – also remember the disappointment that comes the next day when you see your cut… HOLD OUT another minute, another hour, another day… it’s NOT worth it. Please…

rawrimaturtle.. 3/20/2012 - 9:21 pm

Distant.road,
I’m trying.. And well life has just been blurry the past month.. It seems like my ADD it getting worse. I can’t focuse on anything anymore unless it’s for 1 minute. And Ben then I have to try.. And my whole like is just one big continues cycle.. I hate it so much.. It’s like I can see. But I can’t.. If that makes sense.. And just life in general has got me down.. Being bipolar and all ain’t easy…

Catbombs,
It’s so hard right now.. I threw away my blade but my scissors are right there on my dresser.. Idk how much longer I can keep this up…

distant.road 3/20/2012 - 9:26 pm

I know it’s difficult, Morgan… and you’re trying really hard. Think about what you can do before you get the urge to cut… so you’re a little prepared. Sometimes it helps to have a plan ahead of time. I know life can really stress you out… Don’t let it keep you down. You’ve been through a lot and gotten this far… You can get sooooo much further. I know you can. One day at a time… Step by step.

rawrimaturtle.. 3/20/2012 - 9:33 pm

Thank you.. And I am really trying. It’s just so hard

Duke of Marmalade 3/21/2012 - 7:48 am

Tell you mum/councellor about this setback. A problem can only be solved if it’s brought out in the open. People in the real world can help.

rawrimaturtle.. 3/21/2012 - 9:12 am

Yes I’ve told my counselor about my “urges”

Duke of Marmalade 3/21/2012 - 9:58 am

What have they said?

rawrimaturtle.. 3/21/2012 - 10:24 am

That if I get the urge I should go and try to do other things. Keep myself busy

Duke of Marmalade 3/21/2012 - 10:39 am

Play the piano. When you get the urge, your parents are nearby so why don’t you tell them when it starts to build up.

rawrimaturtle.. 3/21/2012 - 9:57 pm

I dot really like talking to my parents about this stuff. Becuz they don’t really understand. And it’s hard

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